Scared, lonely, and confused

Public forum, tell us about yourself and what brings you to StayLDS!
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DarkJedi
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Joined: 24 Aug 2013, 20:53

Re: Scared, lonely, and confused

Post by DarkJedi » 25 Feb 2017, 06:54

I think it's wise not dump it on your husband all at once. Be the loving spouse and mother and good person you have always been.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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squarepeg
Posts: 69
Joined: 17 Feb 2017, 12:51

Re: Scared, lonely, and confused

Post by squarepeg » 25 Feb 2017, 07:05

lucysmack wrote: Several years ago, I became ill and knew God would heal me, my faith would make me whole. I had many blessings that told me I would be healed. Well as you can imagine that didn't happen, but It did give me a lot of time to think.

The church is so good about keeping us so busy we don't have time to analyze our own lives.
This was my experience, also. I'm new to this forum and I wish I had found it sooner; I'm in awe of the group of people who posts here. The open-mindedness, intelligence, generosity, and acceptance here will hopefully make it easier to continue to go to church and deal with that nails-on-the-chalkboard feeling, knowing that others are feeling it, too, and we are here to help each other.

Your comment about the church keeping us too busy to analyze our own lives is a thought that I've had many times. I s'pose that is one potentially good thing about being really sick: we finally get that opportunity for study and introspection. As difficult as things are now, spiritually, I would not trade it for my former relative ignorance and naivety. (I would gladly trade away the illness for just about anything, however!)

Welcome. Please know you are not alone.

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LookingHard
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Re: Scared, lonely, and confused

Post by LookingHard » 25 Feb 2017, 07:41

Even though I have issues with some actions of some bishops, in general I admire the dedication and service they give - and they do give. My last 3 bishops were all people I have known for a decade or more and admired them. I would have to say about 80% of my bishops have been people I really admire (much higher than the SP's I have known). In addition to the time commitment they also take an emotional toll that many don't know about. My dad's health really went downhill while he was a bishop. With the time pressures he was under he didn't take care of his health. He even admitted it to me afterwards that he knows his life was shortened, but he assumed that was a bit of a badge of honor with awards in the afterlife.

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Reuben
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Joined: 05 Nov 2016, 10:04

Re: Scared, lonely, and confused

Post by Reuben » 25 Feb 2017, 09:31

lucysmack, is there anyone else besides your husband you could confide in, like a close friend or sibling? We're pretty awesome here, but we can't provide a soothing voice or a warm embrace.
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Love before dogma. Truth before loyalty. Knowledge before certainty.

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SilentDawning
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Joined: 09 May 2010, 19:55

Re: Scared, lonely, and confused

Post by SilentDawning » 25 Feb 2017, 11:11

lucysmack wrote: I'm not sure why this feels so scary to write this.
For me, it was scary because we are taught that our character has its origin in our thoughts. So to write this out, feels like you are walking down the wrong path -- as far as the church is concerned. Our church conscience sort of gets us. It happened to me at first.

Yet I get what you are saying. The missionary lessons focus on the fact the LDS church has the truth. We bear testimony "the church is true". They used to each us to distinguish truth from error. So, I see nothing wrong with pursuing the truth.

All I can say at this point that I have had a similar journey, although my posting here was borne out of what I felt was leadership and member "abuse", rather than truth inconsistencies. But I have learned about many of these inconsistencies, which has contributed to my own unorthodoxy.

You may have a few issues to deal with regarding your thoughts...one is how to deal with family, another is the level of commitment you feel you want to give, another is how to deal with priesthood leaders if your path takes you away from full-blown TR-holding activity. Some people struggle with the lack of authenticity they feel.

We have discussed all these things and there are people with very good answers. Many of us have managed to exist happily in the church, even holding callings, keeping our marriages solid, and even feeling spiritual there at times.

I hope you stay with us here and post topics often so we can help you.

SD
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"Stage 5 is where you no longer believe the gospel as its literally or traditionally taught. Nonetheless, you find your own way to be active and at peace within it". -- SD

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1576

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Reuben
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Joined: 05 Nov 2016, 10:04

Re: Scared, lonely, and confused

Post by Reuben » 25 Feb 2017, 14:43

Reuben wrote:We're pretty awesome here...
It was just pointed out to me that the self-deprecating tone I intended may not have come through. So let me correct that right away. We actually suck.

Man, this black-and-white thinking is hard to overcome.
My intro

Love before dogma. Truth before loyalty. Knowledge before certainty.

Curt Sunshine
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Re: Scared, lonely, and confused

Post by Curt Sunshine » 25 Feb 2017, 15:40

Welcome to our little Island of Misfit Toys.

I appreciate and understand so much of what you wrote, even though my experience has been very different than yours. I have been a heterodox member all my life - so I have had plenty of time to learn how to be an explorer among settlers.

It is a process to find one's true self and remain involved in a community that values another type of self more than ours. May there be a road for you.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

lucysmack
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Joined: 08 Feb 2017, 13:42

Re: Scared, lonely, and confused

Post by lucysmack » 25 Feb 2017, 17:45

Thank you for your kind thoughts and advice. Ruben, I don't have anyone I can talk to about these issues, Thats what gave me the courage to join staylds. I can relate to what others have said here.

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LookingHard
Posts: 2566
Joined: 20 Oct 2014, 12:11

Re: Scared, lonely, and confused

Post by LookingHard » 25 Feb 2017, 18:36

You might see if there is a local group you could find someone to talk with at http://www.mormonspectrum.org/ I highly recommend finding someone you can talk with. I found it very healing.

Ann
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Joined: 09 Sep 2012, 02:17

Re: Scared, lonely, and confused

Post by Ann » 25 Feb 2017, 20:58

Reuben wrote:
Reuben wrote:We're pretty awesome here...
It was just pointed out to me that the self-deprecating tone I intended may not have come through. So let me correct that right away. We actually suck.
:lol: :lol: :lol:
"Preachers err by trying to talk people into belief; better they reveal the radiance of their own discovery." - Joseph Campbell

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." - Marcel Proust

"Therefore they said unto him, How were thine eyes opened? He answered and said unto them, A man that is called Jesus made clay, and anointed my eyes...." - John 9:10-11

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