Confused, sad, disappointed. Where to go from here?

Public forum, tell us about yourself and what brings you to StayLDS!
User avatar
dande48
Posts: 428
Joined: 24 Jan 2016, 16:35

Re: Confused, sad, disappointed. Where to go from here?

Post by dande48 » 10 Feb 2017, 13:09

Hi Luvbugmom,

Welcome. This is a wonderful place to be.

In my faith crisis, not believing in the Church, or any Judeo-Christian religion at all, I decided I would keep on living the LDS commandments. I keep the Word of Wisdom, the law of chastity, I wear my garments, partake of the sacrament... I even let my wife pay tithing on our income (she's a TBM). And if she was in the same position as me, I'd say we donate 10% of our income to a righteous cause, still giving it to God the best we could. I still go to church, and for the most part keep quiet. But anyone who asks, or anyone who really knows me, knows for certain that I do not believe the Church is "true".

I've got a few reasons for living like this, but mostly it comes down to three reasons; First, I love to many members. Second, I see a lot of value in many of the commandments the church emphasizes; there is still a lot of value, true or not. And third, I want to be 100% blameless before the members of the church. I do not believe in the Church, solely because many of the truth claims, especially when it comes to the teachings about church history, are false. It is not that I want to sin. It's not because I am offended. It's not because there is anything in Church history I could not fully support if it was true, and truthfully taught. I can still be as good and righteous as any member, while being an unbeliever. And I think it's really helped to build some common ground and open up discussion.
"Sir, it's quite possible this asteroid is not entirely stable." - C-3PO

User avatar
Heber13
Posts: 6548
Joined: 22 Apr 2009, 16:37
Location: In the Middle

Re: Confused, sad, disappointed. Where to go from here?

Post by Heber13 » 10 Feb 2017, 13:38

Great response, dande.

I think the underlying reasons we sometimes obey can pivot to different reasons...but there are still reasons to engage, still reasons to live the principles...and find the spirit of the law. And you are doing the same as members...living the spirit of the law of things.

Thanks for your response and your example.
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

User avatar
LookingHard
Posts: 2629
Joined: 20 Oct 2014, 12:11

Re: Confused, sad, disappointed. Where to go from here?

Post by LookingHard » 10 Feb 2017, 14:50

Dande48. How open are you about your beliefs to your spouse, kids, bigger family, and the ward?

User avatar
SilentDawning
Posts: 6396
Joined: 09 May 2010, 19:55

Re: Confused, sad, disappointed. Where to go from here?

Post by SilentDawning » 12 Feb 2017, 08:30

I can relate. I went through that -- the hard part was knowing my children would see that I don't wear garments and are not fully active anymore -- particularly my daughter who was very traditional in her beliefs.

I would just go and set limits on what you will do at church. Go for your kids and support them in it. For all its warts, the church is not a bad place for youth (except in rare cirumstances). Encourage them if that is what they want. Accept them if they change their mind.

I go to church regularly now and have a calling but my beliefs and habits are far from orthodox. Accept that people will be judgmental, and fill your life with many other things that crowds out the influence of the church. This lessens the sting to the point you don't feel it anymore at all, except perhaps in those moments when the organization starts asserting itself regarding your activity (calling invitations, those dangerous talks with priesthood leaders about your TRUE feelings about the church -- steer clear of those and be vaguely hopeful to just get through them, asserting your limits).

Get involved other things that help humanity as an expression of your desire to serve others. The church isn't the only place to do it -- there are a lot of causes that need your talents and about which you can feel passionate about serving within. I feel that much of our church service is self-serving to the church anyway, and there really are better experiences out there in secular non-profits that are valuable.

For me, I took what I felt resonated in Mormonism -- the idea that men (and women) are that they might have joy. The happiness is the object and design of our whole existence. Do what makes you happy, while focusing on universal virtues of love, kindness, hope for the future, charity, patience, etcetera. Follow your passions for service.

I woke up the other day frustrated but in a good way. I had heaped upon my plate SO MANY THINGS I ABSOLUTELY LOVE, I was frustrated I couldn't do them all fast enough. I realized it's a nice problem to have. Your day full of things that help others but which are not done out of sheer duty.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"Stage 5 is where you no longer believe the gospel as its literally or traditionally taught. Nonetheless, you find your own way to be active and at peace within it". -- SD

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1576

Curt Sunshine
Site Admin
Posts: 15412
Joined: 21 Oct 2008, 20:24

Re: Confused, sad, disappointed. Where to go from here?

Post by Curt Sunshine » 12 Feb 2017, 19:53

As I said in another introduction, I have almost no time tonight for a detailed response, but I am glad you are here with us.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

Post Reply