Finally feel at peace

Public forum, tell us about yourself and what brings you to StayLDS!
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girlygirl
Posts: 12
Joined: 19 Jul 2011, 10:34

Finally feel at peace

Post by girlygirl » 01 Nov 2016, 15:25

Although I seem to have been a more active member on NOM it seems to be down so I thought it would be a good idea to post here as well.

It has probably been around 5 years since my shelf broke, and 1 year of completely unattending church... And it feels very freeing. I was so scared to leave and what the implications would be, however I have never felt better. I feel at church I was a bit of a black sheep, I didn't have the right personality, the right look, the right way of being mormon, always had a foot in and a foot out, and am grateful that I was able to realize I wasn't the problem, something I felt my whole life, it was the church!

I'm in a fortunate situation with a uninvolved extended family who values church over me, something that always bothered me, but was surprisingly painless once I pulled the bandaid off, other then major family functions, my parents only ever were interested to keep in touch with church matters, and now that we don't have those we don't, which I don't see as a loss because that was always a hurt in the first place. I'm also lucky my husband converted to support me, and easily supported me when I had a loss of faith.

Of course I have had hard days, but I feel more authentic, and in touch with reality. I always "leaned on God" to fix things. Now I seek counseling and books to help myself. Instead of only interacting within the mormon community I am heavily involved with the town I live in to make positive impacts and make my voice heard. I feel like I am laying down great foundations for our small growing family with meaningful values I never dreampt I could have done outside without the churches influence.

When I meet people I no longer label myself as mormon and have instant judgements but rather that I grew up in a mormon family. I feel I have lifelong friendships because people value me for me rather then people friend shipping me to try to reach out to the lost sheep.

My whole life I felt so much inner conflict I could never quite resolve and now moving on I am finally feeling at peace..

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DarkJedi
Posts: 5280
Joined: 24 Aug 2013, 20:53

Re: Finally feel at peace

Post by DarkJedi » 01 Nov 2016, 16:29

Thanks for checking in. I moved your post here because I felt it fit as more of an introduction.

We each have to find our own path, and you seem happy with yours at the moment. I am glad you have found peace. I am curious, was your point simply helping others to know that you have found peace and that it is possible to find peace and not attend church? Or, because this was initially posted in support, is there something you're looking for from us?
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

My Introduction

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LookingHard
Posts: 2566
Joined: 20 Oct 2014, 12:11

Re: Finally feel at peace

Post by LookingHard » 01 Nov 2016, 17:09

I am glad you have found a way that bring you peace.

girlygirl
Posts: 12
Joined: 19 Jul 2011, 10:34

Re: Finally feel at peace

Post by girlygirl » 01 Nov 2016, 20:29

Hi, it's been since 2011 since iv initially posted so it does work as an introduction as well! Well with trying to simplify the last five years, in a nutshell I just wanted to try and get a condensed post out there that there is hope, and happyness or at least there has been for me, out of the mormon church. Five years ago I wouldn't have dreamt I would become "inactive" and that I would still be civil with my family, gain strong friendships, and gain more fulfillment putting my time and energy into the community I live in rather then pouring my efforts exclusively into the church iv participated in. I feel I have had to go through a miserable amount of depression and anxiety over the "what ifs", but at the end of the day, I now feel like I'm living the life I should have tried to live long ago.

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SilentDawning
Posts: 6292
Joined: 09 May 2010, 19:55

Re: Finally feel at peace

Post by SilentDawning » 02 Nov 2016, 10:24

You said a lot of things I can relate to -- feeling 'free' and happier, being Ok with the isolation that comes from people not interacting with you as much because you aren't churchy, and doing good in the community where people relate to you for who you are.

That has been my experience, except I've kept one foot in the church at the same time.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"Stage 5 is where you no longer believe the gospel as its literally or traditionally taught. Nonetheless, you find your own way to be active and at peace within it". -- SD

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1576

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Heber13
Posts: 6489
Joined: 22 Apr 2009, 16:37
Location: In the Middle

Re: Finally feel at peace

Post by Heber13 » 02 Nov 2016, 11:14

What do you think is the difference between "Staying LDS" and "post-mormon"?

Is it the "keeping one foot in the door still" for lots of different reasons people have, they want to stay connected with it?

I think most people that come to this site are looking for ways to stay, not leave. I wonder what strategies or advice you have for trying to do that.

For sure...individual peace is the goal. I'm glad you found some. It is interesting to see how quickly 5 yrs goes by on these journeys. And here we are still. :wave:
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

Ann
Posts: 2549
Joined: 09 Sep 2012, 02:17

Re: Finally feel at peace

Post by Ann » 02 Nov 2016, 12:24

girlygirl wrote: My whole life I felt so much inner conflict I could never quite resolve and now moving on I am finally feeling at peace..
I'm happy for you. Good luck and I hope you'll share things that help us here.
"Preachers err by trying to talk people into belief; better they reveal the radiance of their own discovery." - Joseph Campbell

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." - Marcel Proust

"Therefore they said unto him, How were thine eyes opened? He answered and said unto them, A man that is called Jesus made clay, and anointed my eyes...." - John 9:10-11

girlygirl
Posts: 12
Joined: 19 Jul 2011, 10:34

Re: Finally feel at peace

Post by girlygirl » 03 Nov 2016, 12:01

For me I got to a point where the one foot in one foot out just didn't work, and eventually I realized the one foot out was making me happier and the one foot in felt fake, a chore, and made me uphappy, but I am glad it is an option and doable for alot of people! I am not angry over the church and like to talk to my family about their callings, hows church etc, its important for me to be friendly about the church, it is after all a big chunk of me, unfortunately it also was damaging, I truly did believe letting go of that safety would be a nightmare, but infact, its been quite the opposite. Iv always felt like an inferior in the church, but now I feel over the last year instead of trying to "make it work" I'v diverted my energies elsewhere and am getting some recognition and having alot of growth outside. Its been a very fulfilling journey!

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Heber13
Posts: 6489
Joined: 22 Apr 2009, 16:37
Location: In the Middle

Re: Finally feel at peace

Post by Heber13 » 03 Nov 2016, 12:51

Cool. Thanks for your thoughts. They are good thoughts.
girlygirl wrote: I am not angry over the church
I have thought for some time that the old thought about "people leave the church but can't leave it alone" is not really accurate. I think you can leave and be just fine. But...being angry is an internal problem. Being able to let go and support others who do want it in their lives is a better way to go. I think it is doable.
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

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