Lost, sad and confused.

Public forum, tell us about yourself and what brings you to StayLDS!
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Vincent53
Posts: 8
Joined: 16 Sep 2016, 04:21

Re: Lost, sad and confused.

Post by Vincent53 » 22 Oct 2016, 20:31

Wow! Thanks everyone, for the warm welcome and wonderful advice! I was very reluctant to bear my soul here, but I feel comforted that I made the right move. I will take it slow as many of you have suggested, that's sound advice.

I like the idea of making a list of all the positive things I see in the church. I'm scheduled to conduct meetings for the month of November and I've been feeling a lot of angst about bearing my testimony on Fast Sunday. The list will help sooth my anxieties and clarify what I can say with authenticity.

I also appreciate your input on the importance of my relationships, especially with my wife. I've wished that I had someone to talk to about this and I've attempted to talk to her, but she doesn't want to hear anymore. I can appreciate that, so I've kept to myself. I did contact Bill Reel a few weeks ago and had a long conversation with him and his friend Chris. It was very helpful, he emailed me a list of links that would be helpful in my journey.

Ann, I am very interested in reading the two biographies by Greg Prince that you mentioned, there are so many books I'm interested in reading right now and so little time to do it. I would like to read the book by Thomas Worthily McConkie as well. I'm currently reading "Planted", by Patrick Q. Mason. I started Rough Stone Rolling last month, but I had to put it down for now, it only aggravated my angst towards Joseph Smith. I'll pick it up again.

Thank you all for inviting me to work out my struggles in this forum. I am grateful for your kindness and the time you took to answer me.
For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.
-Vincent van Gogh

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LookingHard
Posts: 2566
Joined: 20 Oct 2014, 12:11

Re: Lost, sad and confused.

Post by LookingHard » 23 Oct 2016, 10:54

One thing that I did when I hit (somewhat) where you are at is I read a few quotes (I can dig them up if you want) about how "we don't have to KNOW, but believe" I mentioned that we culturally were used to all the "knows" to come and bear testimony and we always want those, but I would especially want to hear from those that can only mention what they believe and what they hope. One person did hear me and came up and just talked about his hopes only. I felt I could do that. I had lots of folks come and tell me they were touched by that.

Good luck.

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FaithfulSkeptic
Posts: 216
Joined: 06 Jun 2014, 09:04

Re: Lost, sad and confused.

Post by FaithfulSkeptic » 23 Oct 2016, 11:37

Vincent,

I'm so glad you posted your introduction and I identified with so much of it. I don't "know" anything now and I am hanging on to the things that I hope for and things that are good. Like you, I've tried to share some of my concerns about the Church with my wife, but all it did was scare her and she just is not ready or willing to hear any of it. I'll write more when I can, but know that you are not crazy and you are not alone!


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I know of no sign on the doors of our meetinghouses that says, “Your testimony must be this tall to enter.” Dieter F. Uchtdorf, October 2014

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Always Thinking
Posts: 166
Joined: 29 Dec 2015, 11:46

Re: Lost, sad and confused.

Post by Always Thinking » 23 Oct 2016, 13:54

Welcome, Vincent! It's always great to see new viewpoints! I'd never heard about Richard R Lyman either until your post and then I had to look him up. I was surprised the church is hiding why he was excommunicated. Sometimes I'm still surprised by the things they hide. It's hard to think of why they would hide it other than the fact that it makes it look like the apostles can do something awful. So the only reason I can see for them to hide it is to keep up the impression that they're perfect men. I just wish I could think of another reason they would hide it.
Anyways... Welcome! [SMILING FACE WITH SMILING EYES]

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DarkJedi
Posts: 5280
Joined: 24 Aug 2013, 20:53

Re: Lost, sad and confused.

Post by DarkJedi » 23 Oct 2016, 19:48

Vincent53 wrote:I like the idea of making a list of all the positive things I see in the church. I'm scheduled to conduct meetings for the month of November and I've been feeling a lot of angst about bearing my testimony on Fast Sunday. The list will help sooth my anxieties and clarify what I can say with authenticity.
I've also just done a sort of "statement testimony" before. Things like "God loves his children" or "I'm grateful for the atonement" or "Reading the Book of Mormon brings people closer to Christ" without any "I know...."
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

My Introduction

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FaithfulSkeptic
Posts: 216
Joined: 06 Jun 2014, 09:04

Re: Lost, sad and confused.

Post by FaithfulSkeptic » 24 Oct 2016, 14:33

Vincent53 wrote:I've served and sacrificed all my life. Right now I'm feeling betrayed, let down, confused, sad and angry.
I certainly feel this way too, and am struggling to get past this stage in my faith journey. You are not alone.
Vincent53 wrote:My shelf went on to a full collapse beginning last March after I discovered podcasts on Mormon history.
Not everyone who delves into Church history has a crisis of faith, but many (including me) have. I tried to stay to the "faith promoting" Church-approved or apologetic resources, but eventually I couldn't make the mental gymnastics work for me any more.
Vincent53 wrote:I'm 1st counselor in the bishopric in our ward, some days I just want to jump ship, but I feel stuck in the middle not wanting to be a quitter and wondering how I can even bear testimony. I used to be able to say "I know", but now I really don't know what I know or believe. The church has been a good thing in my life, I want to stay, but I wonder how I do that now.
I used to feel the same, but now I realize it is perfectly appropriate to testify using words such as "I believe" or "I hope". It's ok to not know. Concentrate on the good that the Church is in your life and the reasons you want to stay.
Vincent53 wrote:My wife doesn't want to hear any of this, so I'm alone in this struggle.
Boy, I know how you feel. It's so hard to not be able to talk to your spouse about this. But try to see it from her perspective, too. If your wife is like mine, she is 100% fully invested in the Church and the prophet will never lead us astray. Seeing your spouse struggle with doubt and questioning belief is a very scary and threatening thing to someone like this. Don't worry though. It may feel like you are alone, but you're not. We really do understand.

Good luck to you, brother. Thanks for sharing your journey with us. One thing that has been really helpful to me to reframe how I look at life now is Jon Ogden's e-book (only $5):

https://www.amazon.com/When-Mormons-Dou ... B01D7T93CQ
I know of no sign on the doors of our meetinghouses that says, “Your testimony must be this tall to enter.” Dieter F. Uchtdorf, October 2014

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