Not sure how to do this

Public forum, tell us about yourself and what brings you to StayLDS!
unsure
Posts: 88
Joined: 05 Jun 2016, 19:10

Not sure how to do this

Post by unsure » 05 Jun 2016, 21:18

Figured that's an appropriate subject line for my first post given my user name.

I'll introduce myself a little bit. I'm older than a millennial but I've always had questions and doubts about this when it came to the LDS religion. I was born and raised in the church in an active family. Sorry I don't know what all the acronyms I see on here mean. Anyways, I think the wondering and questioning is good and is something anybody needs to go through instead of just blindly following something you were taught while being raised. I didn't go on a mission but am endowed (not currently temple worthy but more on that later in another post)

I've always looked for answers to weird things I've heard about online or from other people. I would like the answers to these questions because if they were actually true I wouldn't want to be associated with the church that has that tied to it. Obviously the weird stuff like people asking if we really have sex in the sealing room when we get married and what not I laugh at but other stuff I will look into to see if there is any truth behind it. I usually end up on some anti-mormon or ex-mormon site reading about it which isn't good for me because it just causes me to question even more. And they are usually full of angry, resentful people who couldn't see anything positive in the church. That's honestly not the path I want to be on, is falling away from the church so I'm glad I found this place where it appears at least a good chunk of you feel the same way I do and have the same doubts I do but still want to be active on some level.

I just have a hard time with some of the church history like most of you do such as with polygamy, blacks and priesthood, and other things like the second anointing, etc.

Recently a friend (non-LDS) was questioning me after having read some of those church essays because they were just trying to learn more about the church and I got defensive because it's hard to hear someone questioning something you believe in. But now I feel really bad because how can I get upset when I have the same questions they were asking me? How must it look to someone knowing very little of the church when I grew up in it and still have doubts? They were asking me about the polygamy and why it's ok for men to be sealed to multiple women if they get divorced or the spouse dies. I didn't have the answers to those questions and I'm not sure anyone really does. Maybe that's what upset me more than being grilled on it.

I've read some of the church essays regarding these subjects and honestly most of the time after reading them I'm left with more questions and doubts than I was before reading them. I believe there is a lot of good in the church, just have a hard time with these things and some of the other personal struggles/doubts in my own life.

I guess that's mostly it. I'm more of a lurker than a poster but I'll be posting here and there to get some things off my chest and get other peoples opinion who might be feeling the same way I do.

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LookingHard
Posts: 2448
Joined: 20 Oct 2014, 12:11

Re: Not sure how to do this

Post by LookingHard » 06 Jun 2016, 05:31

Welcome unsure. I do think you will find this website to help. I would encourage you to post and I hope you can reach some peace. Most all of us here know the turmoil that you have been going through.

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SilentDawning
Posts: 6153
Joined: 09 May 2010, 19:55

Re: Not sure how to do this

Post by SilentDawning » 06 Jun 2016, 05:42

Welcome to the forum -- this is a safe place ot air concerns you can't air among true blue mormons (TBM), another term for traditional believers (TB). Here are some other acronymns -- Stake President (SP), Bishop (BP), people use DH (Dear Husband), DD (dear daughter) etcetera for family members. HPGL is High Priest leader....

Here is a website full of them...

https://www.allacronyms.com/mormon/abbreviations
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"Stage 5 is where you no longer believe the gospel as its literally or traditionally taught. Nonetheless, you find your own way to be active and at peace within it". -- SD

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1576

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DarkJedi
Posts: 5174
Joined: 24 Aug 2013, 20:53

Re: Not sure how to do this

Post by DarkJedi » 06 Jun 2016, 06:06

Welcome. As already stated, this is a safe place to seek answers to your questions or at least find a way to be at peace with where you are (since many of the questions don't have good answers). I agree with your assessment of anti-/ex sites - lots of vitriol and lies (or truth mixed with lies). We're all in this together, we're all in different places on our journey. I hope you can find the peace you seek and StayLDS.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

My Introduction

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nibbler
Posts: 3015
Joined: 14 Nov 2013, 07:34
Location: Ten miles west of the exact centre of the universe

Re: Not sure how to do this

Post by nibbler » 06 Jun 2016, 06:33

Welcome to StayLDS.

:thumbup:
I hereby place an order for one cheese pizza. -nibbler

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Heber13
Posts: 6361
Joined: 22 Apr 2009, 16:37
Location: In the Middle

Re: Not sure how to do this

Post by Heber13 » 06 Jun 2016, 11:06

Welcome to the group and thanks for sharing your story.
unsure wrote:I've read some of the church essays regarding these subjects and honestly most of the time after reading them I'm left with more questions and doubts than I was before reading them.
I know the feeling.

In some ways, a strategy for staying involved and active even while having doubts about things is to start to accept and embrace uncertainty. Become familiar with your username, I guess, and tell yourself it is OK to be unsure, even while you are trying to believe. You can't really have faith without recognizing you don't know everything for sure.

For every answer, there are more questions. That keeps us searching, while on our journey to become who we are to become and how we treat others.

Glad you joined our discussions here. I look forward to learning more from your posts.
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

unsure
Posts: 88
Joined: 05 Jun 2016, 19:10

Re: Not sure how to do this

Post by unsure » 06 Jun 2016, 11:37

Thanks for the welcome guys.

I do try to recognize I don't have the answers to all the questions and never will. I'm ok with doing that with the faith based stuff but when it comes to other things which seem like issues within the church then I have a hard time with it. I try to remind myself that even if the organization were perfect it's still run by imperfect men. I'm have my run in's with stake presidents I didn't get along with or respect.

I've always stayed active other than a stint in my late teens/early twenties that I think a lot of people go through when they are brought up in the church and don't really have a testimony of their own, just one that you parrot.

About 9 months ago I went somewhat inactive which was my decision and was due to some personal issues when I'm considering sharing but not sure if this is the right place to do it. Although I do have questions and doubts associated with the whole ordeal and it'd be good to get them off my chest and hear what others think.

I am seeing a therapist to help me work through my other issues that aren't related to spirituality. He is mormon although I didn't know it at the time when I made the first appt. I almost canceled because I didn't need yet another person preaching to me but I figured things happen for a reason and so I went with it. I still haven't told him I'm mormon and honestly he seems really subjective with things we discuss. Thinking I might bring up some of the spiritually related stuff soon.

Thanks for the abbreviation list SD. That helps.

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Holy Cow
Posts: 245
Joined: 10 Nov 2014, 17:07
Location: Las Vegas

Re: Not sure how to do this

Post by Holy Cow » 06 Jun 2016, 13:55

Unsure,
Welcome to the site. It's a very welcoming and open place for those of us who find both value and faults with the church, and don't completely embrace everything, but also don't want to completely throw it all away and become bitter and hostile either. It's a good place to find balance.
When you start to question things, or others start to question your beliefs, as you mentioned, it can feel like the floor has fallen out from under you. It's unnerving to start really thinking about doctrinal issues and coming up with more questions than you started with. This may sound strange, but that's actually one of the things that I've found comforting since I've gone through my FC (faith crisis). I used to struggle to find answers to why we believe this and that. I no longer feel the need to do that. I don't have to make excuses for decisions that were made by people who lived over a hundred years ago. I don't even have to make excuses for decisions that are made by current church leaders. I only have to answer for what I believe, not what we believe. I've learned that I don't have to have the exact same beliefs as everybody else in the congregation. If somebody asks me about the priesthood ban, I can say that I believe it was a mistake. The same goes for polygamy, and many other things that I disagree with. Part of this faith journey, is learning what you believe, so you can form your own foundation. That can feel overwhelming and stressful, but it can also bring a lot of peace and liberty. So, my only advice would be to start focusing on what YOU believe.
My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=6139

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Minyan Man
Posts: 1388
Joined: 15 Sep 2011, 13:40

Re: Not sure how to do this

Post by Minyan Man » 06 Jun 2016, 14:27

unsure, I like what you said:
I do try to recognize I don't have the answers to all the questions and never will.
The same is true for me as well. I don't believe that Joseph Smith had all the answers. Or, BY. The list continues.

Welcome, This is a great place to assess where you are on this journey. And in the process, determine where you want to go.
Keep coming back.

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FaithfulSkeptic
Posts: 216
Joined: 06 Jun 2014, 09:04

Re: Not sure how to do this

Post by FaithfulSkeptic » 07 Jun 2016, 13:16

Welcome, unsure! I'm not sure how to do this either, but this is a good place to figure it out.
unsure wrote:I've always looked for answers to weird things I've heard about online or from other people. I would like the answers to these questions because if they were actually true I wouldn't want to be associated with the church that has that tied to it. Obviously the weird stuff like people asking if we really have sex in the sealing room when we get married and what not I laugh at but other stuff I will look into to see if there is any truth behind it. I usually end up on some anti-mormon or ex-mormon site reading about it which isn't good for me because it just causes me to question even more. And they are usually full of angry, resentful people who couldn't see anything positive in the church. That's honestly not the path I want to be on, is falling away from the church so I'm glad I found this place where it appears at least a good chunk of you feel the same way I do and have the same doubts I do but still want to be active on some level.
I'm not sure there are good answers to a lot of the questions. I also don't like ending up on anti- or ex-mormon sites because of the bitterness and hate that is often expressed there, although I certainly understand it. I don't want to become one of those bitter ex-mos, who can't leave the church alone. This is a safe place where you can discuss things that bother you (and even express some anger and frustration) without demeaning anyone's faith. There are people with a wide range of beliefs and orthodoxy here, and I think you will benefit from being part of this community.
unsure wrote:I've read some of the church essays regarding these subjects and honestly most of the time after reading them I'm left with more questions and doubts than I was before reading them. I believe there is a lot of good in the church, just have a hard time with these things and some of the other personal struggles/doubts in my own life.

I guess that's mostly it. I'm more of a lurker than a poster but I'll be posting here and there to get some things off my chest and get other peoples opinion who might be feeling the same way I do.
Yes, there is good in the church, but we all have some personal struggles/doubts. Thanks for your introduction and I hope you find the forum helpful, if only as a lurker. Don't hesitate to post anything that bothers you specifically, though. This forum has helped me immensely.

I look forward to hearing more from you. Good luck in your journey!
I know of no sign on the doors of our meetinghouses that says, “Your testimony must be this tall to enter.” Dieter F. Uchtdorf, October 2014

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