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Public forum, tell us about yourself and what brings you to StayLDS!
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russdm
Posts: 22
Joined: 10 May 2015, 20:58
Location: North Bend, WA

New

Post by russdm » 19 May 2015, 13:59

Hi, new on here. Single male and Autistic. Semi-inactive and working on improving.

Hi all.

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Heber13
Posts: 6716
Joined: 22 Apr 2009, 16:37
Location: In the Middle

Re: New

Post by Heber13 » 19 May 2015, 14:25

Hi russdm.

Thanks for stopping by and joining the conversation. Tell us a little more about yourself and what brings you to StayLDS.

What kind of support are you searching for?

We all have our stories, and sharing them can help us learn more from each other.

Welcome!
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

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russdm
Posts: 22
Joined: 10 May 2015, 20:58
Location: North Bend, WA

Re: New

Post by russdm » 19 May 2015, 14:42

I am an autistic individual and semi-active Mormon. Trying to get back more involved, have some issues struggling with, but still trying to be more involved in gospel and church. Mainly struggle with Sex issues, Shame, guilt, bad coping methods, loneliness, and depression. Am a nerd/geek/gamer and single.

Trying to find other coping methods to use instead of my current ones.

Roy
Posts: 4825
Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: New

Post by Roy » 19 May 2015, 15:37

Welcome russdm!

My 7 yr old son is on the autism spectrum. He is a very good kid but he sure takes things literally. A few days ago he told me that I cannot possibly be the best dad in the world.

Roy jr: Your chances of being the best dad in the world are 1.
Me: 1 in 100?
Roy jr: No, 1 in infinity.
Me: Oh, I was hoping for better odds than that.

He also has perfectionist tendencies and is exceptionally hard on himself when he makes mistakes.

I plan to have the sex talk when he hits puberty. I worry that he will have a hard time reconciling how natural a process it is to be sexually interested vs. how unholy the subject is treated at church (at least until you are married).

Anyway, welcome to the group and I hope that we can be helpful.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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russdm
Posts: 22
Joined: 10 May 2015, 20:58
Location: North Bend, WA

Re: New

Post by russdm » 19 May 2015, 15:55

Having experienced events already, I would say that can a major issue due to the Black/White thinking tendency I think Autism provides. I experienced it with the Church, and so internalized the message that I was shameful for having sexual feelings and continuing to have them. I also absorbed being guilty and responsible for being sexually molested (Reluctantly gave in, but never understand what happened; learned from church about being guilty for letting it even happen) and having issues. When I failed, I beat myself up about it and internalized (thanks to church and Miracle of Forgiveness book) that I was a horrible sinful person because I couldn't stop doing certain stuff. Still feel that way. The Miracle of Forgiveness book is poorly organized in my opinion and didn't help me to become better. Even more, I went the usual process for issues, which just made them worse.

My failings frequently cause my expectations to increase, not decrease. That just makes things worse. I also learned stuff from Church that makes it hard to feel worthy of asking for Christ's help.

I don't think the Church actually intended, but I think the culture and dogma simply encourages that kind of thinking. Encourages a lot of negative self-worth and low self-esteem, but does little to encourage improvements. In my opinion.

amateurparent
Posts: 953
Joined: 19 Jan 2014, 20:43

Re: New

Post by amateurparent » 19 May 2015, 16:22

Russdm:

Welcome!

My 15 daughter is an aspie kiddo. Great with math and science but struggles with social nuance. Church culture is not always kind nor understanding to people in the spectrum.

You mentioned shame and guilt.

Dr. Brene Brown did a couple of amazing TED talks on shame. Here is the link to one of them:http://youtu.be/psN1DORYYV0

Some aspects of the gospel are set up to make neuro typical people feel some vague guilt and maybe feel a little shame. Be cognizant that many people in the spectrum take those gospel lessons and "over-apply" them. Instead of painting a dab of shame on, an Aspie will take the emotional shame bucket and pour the entire thing over their head.

I look forward to hearing more from you and more about you. Maybe you can give me some pointers to help with my DD.
I have no advance degrees in parenting. No national credentials. I am an amateur parent. I read, study, and learn all I can to be the best parent possible. Every time I think I have reached expert status with one child for one stage in their life, something changes and I am back to amateur status again. Now when I really mess up, I just apologize to my child, and explain that I am indeed an amateur .. I'm still learning how to do this right.

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SilentDawning
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Joined: 09 May 2010, 19:55

Re: New

Post by SilentDawning » 19 May 2015, 20:59

russdm wrote: I don't think the Church actually intended, but I think the culture and dogma simply encourages that kind of thinking. Encourages a lot of negative self-worth and low self-esteem, but does little to encourage improvements. In my opinion.
I find it long on general statements and short on practical advice. I have to turn to secular literature and academic theory to get practical answers to many of life's problems.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"Stage 5 is where you no longer believe the gospel as its literally or traditionally taught. Nonetheless, you find your own way to be active and at peace within it". -- SD

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1576

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hawkgrrrl
Site Admin
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Joined: 22 Oct 2008, 16:27

Re: New

Post by hawkgrrrl » 19 May 2015, 21:45

I don't think the Church actually intended, but I think the culture and dogma simply encourages that kind of thinking. Encourages a lot of negative self-worth and low self-esteem, but does little to encourage improvements. In my opinion.
That's a healthy perspective. As the abused often becomes the abuser (at least on Law & Order) so those with low self-esteem often try to instill it in others. After all it (didn't) work for them!

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mom3
Posts: 3444
Joined: 02 Apr 2011, 14:11

Re: New

Post by mom3 » 19 May 2015, 22:02

I have a son on the spectrum, too. Welcome.
"I stayed because it was God and Jesus Christ that I wanted to follow and be like, not individual human beings." Chieko Okazaki Dialogue interview

"I am coming to envision a new persona for the Church as humble followers of Jesus Christ....Joseph and his early followers came forth with lots of triumphalist rhetoric, but I think we need a new voice, one of humility, friendship and service. We should teach people to believe in God because it will soften their hearts and make them more willing to serve." - Richard Bushman

Ann
Posts: 2568
Joined: 09 Sep 2012, 02:17

Re: New

Post by Ann » 20 May 2015, 00:07

Hi, russdm - :wave: I'm glad you found us and hope you enjoy it here.
"Preachers err by trying to talk people into belief; better they reveal the radiance of their own discovery." - Joseph Campbell

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." - Marcel Proust

"Therefore they said unto him, How were thine eyes opened? He answered and said unto them, A man that is called Jesus made clay, and anointed my eyes...." - John 9:10-11

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