TBM and wanting to stay that way but....

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On Own Now
Posts: 1653
Joined: 18 Jan 2012, 12:45

Re: TBM and wanting to stay that way but....

Post by On Own Now » 21 Apr 2015, 14:32


Welcome to this site. As others have said, I hope it helps you. You are welcome here. I know that the wonderful people here share in sending love to you, your family, your sister, and your parents.

I want to offer a few thoughts, but I caveat this with the statement that these are just musings and may not apply to you. Filter it for what you see fit.

You didn't mention if your sister is still associated with the Church, but I'm going to operate on the assumption that she is not; that her issues are familial, and that your issues are religious and familial.

First on the Church and Spirituality. You said you have feelings for the Church based on experiences with God via prayer. My advice: go with that. I don't believe that the Church is the one true Church, but I believe that it has a very good way to connect Man to God that works for many. In substantial ways, I think the Church carries the same message as the Early Christian Church of the first century: the relationship between God and Man is very individual and devoid of dogma, with power to lift a person up to stand straight and tall before God. Many people who seek find different paths to God; and our Church is one of those paths. My personal beliefs are much further afield than yours... I'm a heretic when it comes to the articles of faith of our religion, but I still find the Church to be a great framework within which I can practice my own brand of spirituality. If you believe in God and you believe in Good, then I encourage you not to throw the baby out with the bathwater; at least not until you find a worthy substitute.

Doctrinally, I don't agree with the Church or with general Christianity that any sexual orientation or identity other than heterosexuality based on the sex of your birth is well supported in the Scriptures. The Bible, outside of Leviticus, is pretty sparse on it, and here's a mind-blower: the modern scriptures (BofM, D&C, PofGP) never ever mention it. To me, the concept of a loving, caring, redeeming, reconciling God does not match exclusivity based on these issues. But I think it's healthy and helpful to recognize that what passes for doctrine is often socially-driven moral opinion. Because of that, I can compartmentalize away the things people say as not part of what I believe, and I don't have to give it any more of my valuable time than that. I concentrate on what I do believe, not on my disagreements with others.

When it comes to the issues in your family, I believe from your description that you have a possible opportunity standing right in front of you. I don't want to convey this as a responsibility, because part of depression can be fed by unfulfilled responsibility. But should you find it palatable, you might find growth and an approach toward God by taking this opportunity and running with it. What I'm talking about is that you can be a bridge between your family, the Church, and your sister. You can be a peacemaker, and according to the Sermon on the Mount, "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called the children of God." You love and support your sister. You love and support your parents. To some degree you love and support both the Church and the LGBT community. In a way, these are all wounded people and entities. Think of the opportunity for good within the walls of your family's homes, within your local ward, and within the Church. When I marched in a Pride Parade recently, I got a lot of cheers, but I also got the double finger for being a Mormon. But I felt great that I was trying to build bridges in my own small way.

Whatever you choose, and whatever path you follow, I wish you well. I hope to hear your voice here because I think you have much to contribute.
"Let us therefore no longer pass judgment on one another, but resolve instead never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of another." --Romans 14:13

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Joined: 04 Jul 2015, 09:56

Re: TBM and wanting to stay that way but....

Post by kittylover » 04 Jul 2015, 12:42

Welcome Spacerasta,

My 25-year-old son is a gay. He has been very confused about his identity last 6 years or so. Now, he is showing a positive sign and moving forward to live his life more confidently.
He is a gay. My husband and I love our gay son. He is only a gay, but he is a good person. He is an intelligent, talented, and kind individual. He is not a criminal; he works hard and pays his tax; & He is a decent citizen of his country. Which means he possess all the great qualities but he is a gay. He is battling with his identity and this may continue throughout his lifetime. I am in this battle with him, because I am his mom.

The world is getting more open but is still a hostile environment for them. When it is already painful, why the family members join the world to add more pain, instead of supporting them. It does not matter whatever they are doing is correct or wrong. We are not here to judge but to love one another, despite the differences. As Christ said, the "Charity' is the most important thing in the world, then, we should love gay or transgender people as well. I am sure Christ would show them love, compassion, and mercy. Loving a person is to try to treat them in decency and sympathy; treat them as they are a expensive, precious stone. My son is a child of God; your sister is a child of God. The world will judge them as 'just" gay or transgender. But for us, they are our precious son and sister. Inside what it seems 'unthinkable," there is a great spirit which possess the godliness. We need to see it though our spiritual eyes. That is the only way we can avoid being judgmental.

We are all the same, no one is better than others.
I think it is wonderful that your sister can trust you, at least you.

Regarding your depression issue, all I can say is that you are not alone. I have discovered that so may people in our ward have taken anti-depressant some time in their lives. There is no one in the world always positive and happy every moment of h/is life. If you are, then, you don't have to be here anymore. You should be elevated to a higher level-----Godhood! Try to find some positive aspect in the seemingly negative events in your life. When the negative is so huge that you feel you are swallowed by it, you must try to find some good thing in it. God will make even the bad/sad/terrible experiences into the wonderful ones. I promise.

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