Falling Apart

Public forum, tell us about yourself and what brings you to StayLDS!
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NewLight
Posts: 148
Joined: 04 Feb 2014, 05:18

Re: Falling Apart

Post by NewLight » 11 Mar 2015, 05:36

Hi Slowlylosingit,

Welcome to the forum and you have come to the right place to find support as work through things that are impacting your faith. As is typical, I'm kind of late chiming in here and you have already gotten the meat of the advice from many of the crew that call this forum a second home. The biggie for me was simply taking it slow and looking at things from a lot of angles. Also, some people rush right out and post on Facebook and talk to their bishop – not a good idea in my opinion. Play it close to the vest and use this forum for your thoughts. Also, it sounds like there are a few close to you to talk to who have been through this – definitely a plus to have that resource and hopefully you can use it to your advantage.

I am sorry you are having so much anguish with all of this right now – unquestionably, that is difficult to deal with. Hope you can find comfort as time presses forward and you can sort it out for you.

Know that the CES letter is probably one of the heavier cast iron anvils that fall out of the sky – I know it was for me the first time I read it. But the more I thought about it and read other things, the more it became something that was just picking at everything about the church (I also listened to the interview with Jeremy Runnells that John Dehlin did with him on MormonStories and felt the same way). That is not to say at any level that the letter does not make valid points – it does. It was just a bit heavy for me when I could see so many people at church doing nice things for others. It kind of made me see that not everything the church does is bad.

I have now landed in a place where I enjoy church and can separate the gospel from the church. I don't agree with everything that is said, obviously, but I still love the folks that are there and hopefully if I am commenting from the heart in classes and such, I am helping others broaden their views. I think the black and white position the church is known for and supports (i.e. it's all true or it's the biggest sham ever) is damaging.

Good luck and God bless!

KeitherB
Posts: 6
Joined: 26 Mar 2015, 08:27

Re: Falling Apart

Post by KeitherB » 05 Apr 2015, 05:25

I also read the letter to a CES director and was had my faith challenged. Prior to that I was blown away when I read about Brigham young and the violence in the early Utah church. I think that you can come out of these experiences with your faith intact but it will probably be changed. You will probably have to find a new way to believe. I certainly did. I am much less of a literal believer and more independent and thoughtful. I admit that I grieve over the innocent and undoubting faith I used to have. But here I am with what I think is probably a more mature faith and still an active member who gets all of the benefits of full participation in the church even though I see that Mormonism rests on a broken history. I have come to celebrate our brokenness because that can be holy too. We're all just trying to find god in this messy world. Mormonism is still the path I chose to do so.

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MockingJay
Posts: 208
Joined: 14 Nov 2013, 06:56
Location: US Southeast

Re: Falling Apart

Post by MockingJay » 06 Apr 2015, 05:04

KeitherB said:
I am much less of a literal believer and more independent and thoughtful. I admit that I grieve over the innocent and undoubting faith I used to have. But here I am with what I think is probably a more mature faith and still an active member who gets all of the benefits of full participation in the church even though I see that Mormonism rests on a broken history. I have come to celebrate our brokenness because that can be holy too. We're all just trying to find god in this messy world. Mormonism is still the path I chose to do so.
Hear, hear! Very well said :clap:

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LookingHard
Posts: 2802
Joined: 20 Oct 2014, 12:11

Re: Falling Apart

Post by LookingHard » 06 Apr 2015, 06:58

KeitherB wrote:I also read the letter to a CES director and was had my faith challenged. Prior to that I was blown away when I read about Brigham young and the violence in the early Utah church. I think that you can come out of these experiences with your faith intact but it will probably be changed. You will probably have to find a new way to believe. I certainly did. I am much less of a literal believer and more independent and thoughtful. I admit that I grieve over the innocent and undoubting faith I used to have. But here I am with what I think is probably a more mature faith and still an active member who gets all of the benefits of full participation in the church even though I see that Mormonism rests on a broken history. I have come to celebrate our brokenness because that can be holy too. We're all just trying to find god in this messy world. Mormonism is still the path I chose to do so.
There were many things for me: CES letter, disagreements among church leaders (if they are inspired how can they be so disagreeing?), the judgmental outcomes of some of our theology, some hard-nosed leaders, and especially leader worship and "leaders are never wrong"/don't ever say anything bad about a leader or you are on your way to hell.

But I would change the last sentence as "Mormonism is still the path I choose to help me, but I feel it is more important for me to work on my relationship with God directly than my specific standing with the church."

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