I heard about this forum and recently decided to join it.
I know I'm not the only person here going through a rough time involving the church, so I thought it might be nice to be able to relate to people who have the same feelings as me.
It's been a long time that I've been feeling this way. A few years, now. I think I've kept it really well-hidden from everyone, though. But I have several things that have bothered me for quite some time.
First of all, church is just so boring! I don't have my parents there anymore to make me go, and the only thing keeping me going is the fact that I have a calling, and that my roommate will get mad at me if I don't go.
I also hate some of the comments that are made in Sunday School. It's hard when someone decides to make a comment that you find rude or close-minded. Honestly, I don't want to be associated with people like that. I know they're not trying to be rude, and I don't want to judge. But I also don't want to be looked at as someone who cares more about the church's rules than being a good person. I can't stand people who care more about the rules than just being nice and accepting of others, no matter who they are or what they've done.
I seem to attract these people as friends all the time, as well. They're great people, and I'm not saying I hate them at all. They're my friends, but they're very, very conservative. I hate it when they diss on things that I believe in, or when I'm scolded for thinking differently than them. It's always been this way, but all I want are friends who can think like me and agree with me. And I really hate to say it, but sometimes I'm ashamed of being LDS because of how we're seen by people who don't know much about us.
I don't think I'll ever leave the church, but I can see myself going very inactive. My parents would be so heartbroken if that were the case, and I think they're also what have kept me going. But as much as I love them, I'd rather go to church for myself than for anyone. And right now, I feel like I've just been going to please the people around me. Obviously, I've got LOTS of problems... :\
Reading through some forums, I've seen how kind-hearted and understanding you all are. Thank you for taking the time to read this, and I'm looking forward to being here and getting to know you all.
