Public forum, tell us about yourself and what brings you to StayLDS!
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Post by stan » 12 Jul 2014, 15:17

Not a lot to say. I score very high on Mormon credability scale. BIC, RM, MIT etc. Have 4 kids, none of which have stayed in the church who are currently past the age of majority. So I seem to be a dismal failure at raising new Mormons.

I have pretty much given up on any claims the church makes about exclusive authority or truth. At best, it is an institution that works quite well for some while being terribly damaging to others. DW is TBM, and I love her dearly, so I am stuck. I appreciate any advice and support I can get about how to cope.

So goes the journey . . .

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Re: Hi

Post by nibbler » 12 Jul 2014, 18:05

Advice on how to cope? Come here and vent. ;)

Welcome to staylds. :wave:
It’s strange. When I couldn’t find the drop and the plague came, you seemed so far away I would not ever be able to find you again. But I know now that you were here all along, and that nothing, not the Black Death nor seven hundred years, nor death nor things to come nor any other creature could ever separate me from your caring and concern. It was with me every minute.
― Connie Willis , Doomsday Book

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Re: Hi

Post by Minyan Man » 12 Jul 2014, 19:35

Welcome to the group Stan.
Do you really consider yourself a
...a dismal failure at raising new Mormons
I have (3) adult children who have followed their own path.
They each have their own belief system that we talk about from time to time.
In terms of eternity, I don't know if this is final.
They seem well adjusted & happy. That's all I ask at this point.

I hope you will find peace with us.
Keep posting.

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Re: Hi

Post by DarkJedi » 12 Jul 2014, 19:48

I'm happy if my kids are good people, and so far I am happy.

Many of us have TBM spouses. There are things I do only because of her and there are things I do because I want to. There are also things I don't do.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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Re: Hi

Post by Curt Sunshine » 12 Jul 2014, 21:29


Someone asked me just yesterday what I want for my kids (ages 12-26). I said that I would love it if they all died active in the LDS Church, but, even more, I want them to be happy and maximize who they are individually - to be as "godly" as possible, whatever that means for each of them.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

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Re: Hi

Post by Forgotten_Charity » 12 Jul 2014, 21:48

I am currently focusing on my upcoming kid on not about being me or what I want but what they want. I would like well placed moral values of course. But I am using and implementing a newer parent theory called "self determination theory-patenting". It seems like the one I most would have loved to grow up in(I grew up in strongly authoritarian parenting style) but don't like permissive and certain key elements of authoritative don't focus on kids autonomy to much. So I choosing "self determination theory parenting". I hope you can find your own way and help your kids establish morals while finding out who they are and being supportive. Anyways best of wishes and prayers to you.

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Re: Hi

Post by hawkgrrrl » 13 Jul 2014, 09:05

Welcome to the site. I think many of us can relate to our kids going their own way. I'm constantly surprised at how many parents have found that their kids chose differently when they reached adulthood. It's so celebrated in the church when our kids stay active that it's easy to feel like we're seen as failures. No easy answers. We want what's best for our kids, but once they are adults, we don't get a vote.

What I see sometimes that is just unnerving is that in some Mormon families, the parents act in very controlling ways toward their adult children and even the spouses of those adult children. It's unwise, in my opinion, unwise and unwarranted, and it probably reveals a psychological problem.

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Re: Hi

Post by NewLight » 17 Jul 2014, 04:32

Welcome to the site, Stan.

If you are like me in any way, you will simply find coming here to be quite therapeutic.

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Re: Hi

Post by Roy » 17 Jul 2014, 09:18

Hi Stan,

My family and I participate at various Christian churches. DW and I have had several discussions about how seeing the differences in the church teachings might confuse the children.

If confusing the children is the opposite of only teaching one thing and saying that it is the only truth - then I suppose I vote for confusing the children.

Even so, I worry about their ability to make good choices during their teenage years without a rigid "iron rod" to take hold of. I suppose that is what parenting is all about - trial and error in an ever changing landscape.

Welcome to the site Stan! :thumbup:
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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Re: Hi

Post by church0333 » 17 Jul 2014, 09:19

Welcome Stan. Your statement about being a failure in raising new Mormons got me thinking. Are your kids responsible in their lives outside of church? If they are, you did a good job. Also I do believe that it takes a village to raise a child and the church with it's imperfect leaders, teachers, policies, and programs also share in the success and failure of keeping kids in church. Don't despair and be extra good to your wife durning all of this.

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