Page 1 of 1

Finding what I really want

Posted: 14 Jun 2014, 12:00
by littlemiss_sunshine
Hey guys!

Figured I'd give a little insight into "me" and why I'm here.

I was born into the church, the legacy of the church goes very very far back in my family, and so it also is a big "tradition" in my family to be LDS.

When I was 16, I really started to struggle with the "testimony" everyone thought I had. I was watching others around me bear witness to this wonderful feeling of the spirit and no matter how hard I tried it wasn't happening to me. I started reading church history, I wasn't agreeing with political standpoints the church has today, and so shortly after my 17th Birthday I ceased to attend church, and went into a hate phase. I felt like the church had taken away my ability to me normal. So for several years I was living life on the outside, but I had something missing. I began dating a Non-Member and we got Married, he was very aware of my past in the LDS church but I guess since I was "out" there wasn't any issue. We are very much in love, I know he is the only man for me!
About six months ago the both of us started hanging out with the Elders in our area (We don't have many friends as we are hermits, and the missionaries are close in age) and slowly church topics started to trickle into our conversations. I realized that the church is what was missing in my life. I might not agree with all of the church doctrine, but the church is still a wonderful place that can aide someone in spiritual nourishment and I realized that. . . .and I've slowly been coming back.
I want to live my life in the church, my husband has said he would take the discussions because he knows I have a strong desire to be sealed in the temple. . . .but I still don't know how to exactly live normally inside the church as an active member when I still have so many hangups and differing opinions than other members.
But anyway, that's the long story short!

Re: Finding what I really want

Posted: 14 Jun 2014, 14:21
by Oneofmany
First as I am sure you will be told by others, find out what you do believe. Start there and build upon it.
I have found the most important thing for me is finding someone that I like and trust in your local ward, if you can, and build that relationship. (This may be hard as it will require you to be less of a hermit. I am a hermit as well.)

anyway, welcome and good luck!

Re: Finding what I really want

Posted: 14 Jun 2014, 14:33
by SilentDawning
I'm torn on the advice to give on this one. First, many of us here are coping with being in the church while having reservations -- but it's difficult -- our spouses (many of us) have expectations that we stay active, and we are walking a tightrope in terms of staying active, and staying at peace within ourselves.

So, when I see you in a committed relationship with a non-member, I feel reluctant to encourage you to go down a path that will put the both of you potentially at odds -- with you expecting or wanting a temple marriage, and your husband not willing, if that happens.

On the other hand, there are many happy marriages when non-members join, get married in the temple, and everything chugs along just fine.

So, that is what I thought when I read your post. I don't want to discourage you from taking the path of Mormonism, but if you are looking only for spiritual nourishment -- I think there are a lot of different places to get that from.

Re: Finding what I really want

Posted: 14 Jun 2014, 14:40
by Ann
Hi, littlemiss_sunshine - I really enjoyed your introduction. I wonder if having been away and searching will make it all the easier for you to go back. You know what's important to you. Good luck!

Re: Finding what I really want

Posted: 14 Jun 2014, 18:17
by DarkJedi
Welcome. Oneofmany already hit on the main point, I think - decide what you do believe and focus on that. It is possible to be part of the church and not buy everything, but it isn't always easy.

And to make it work, i think you're going to have to make some friends in your ward - the missionaries will move on.

Re: Finding what I really want

Posted: 14 Jun 2014, 20:39
by Minyan Man
LMS, welcome. My wife & I like to hang out with the missionaries too. I like their enthusiasm & innocence.
I will go out with them & talk to investigators too.