New Here (Alex)

Public forum, tell us about yourself and what brings you to StayLDS!
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Alex
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Joined: 11 Oct 2013, 08:42

New Here (Alex)

Post by Alex » 11 Oct 2013, 09:36

I've been reading this board for a few months and really like it. Today I decided to join...lately there have been a number of topics I've wanted to be part of the discussion, so only one way to do that (become a member.)

I've avoided joining because I just didn't know how to introduce myself and my crisis. I think I'm ready now, but I'm going to give the abbreviated version.

I was born in the covenant and always had a good testimony: not overboard, but not weak. I just accepted the gospel because I believed it to be true. I was always a little rebellious but never stepped over big bounds/sins. I served a mission and enjoyed it, but didn't come back uberspiritual--just kept that good, decent testimony.

Married in the temple, have a family, and a good professional job. Had some doubts over the years but nothing serious. Polygamy? There must have been a reason that I just don't understand. Black and the priesthood? Something else we just can't understand in this life--and probably not important to, anyway.

I was recently released from serving in the bishopric. This actually is when I began to have serious doubts. Yes, I hated a lot about the hours of meetings, but I was generally cheerful and went above and beyond to do what was part of the calling. But I got burned out after almost four years. A couple disciplinary councils (why do I need to hear the details being shared?!?) and most every calling we prayed about I felt no discernible spirit of inspiration.

I've been extended a couple callings recently. All included Sunday meetings and I just can't do that--I'm burned out--so I said "no." I feel similar to a lot of others on this board about things (such as HT being "assigned friends") so I'm struggling with what is my own lack of faith and what is reasonable, personal interests and needs.

I simply feel a stronger connection now, at this point in my life, with the love of God and the power of the atonement for us...versus the power of leadership to forgive and inspire us. I have no desire to affect anyone else's testimony, I'm just trying to figure things out.

Oh, I also had a version of "the talk" with my wife recently. The one where I share that I'm doubting and even angry about some things. In the past I would have been concerned that it would disturb her or create too much of a rift between us...and it would have. But I've gotten to the point where I just don't care--and she could sense that--so she ultimately told me she loves me no matter what. She appreciated me being honest with her.

I'm going to try to find my own "middle" way for now, which will consist of saying "no" without explanation (I can do that, easily enough) and continuing to attend church.

Whew, I do feel better (and ready to share all this!) Thanks. Alex
I love that man better who swears a stream as long as my arm, and administering to the poor and dividing his substance, than the long smooth faced hypocrites. I don't want you to think I am very righteous, for I am not very righteous. God judgeth men according to the light he gives them. (Words of Joseph Smith, p. 204 – May 18, 1843)

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cwald
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Re: New Here (Alex)

Post by cwald » 11 Oct 2013, 18:32

Good luck. Welcome.

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  Jesus gave us the gospel, but Satan invented church. It takes serious evil to formalize faith into something tedious and then pile guilt on anyone who doesn't participate enthusiastically. - Robert Kirby

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SilentDawning
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Re: New Here (Alex)

Post by SilentDawning » 11 Oct 2013, 20:02

Welcome...you have stepped into my comfort zone...I have a similar background -- former Bishopric, served a mission, temple marriage, had a solid testimony, burnt out -- came here. Wife still loves me, so far -- although I have to be careful how much I say or I upset her.

Looking forward to hearing your queries and questions and thoughts.... you sound very balanced which is good.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

A man asked Jesus "do all roads lead to you?" Jesus responds,”most roads don’t lead anywhere, but I will travel any road to find you.” Adapted from The Shack, William Young

Curt Sunshine
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Re: New Here (Alex)

Post by Curt Sunshine » 11 Oct 2013, 21:19

Welcome. I hope we can help each other in this journey through life.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

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wayfarer
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Re: New Here (Alex)

Post by wayfarer » 12 Oct 2013, 04:06

welcome...you're safe, at home here
"Those who speak don't know, those who know don't speak." Lao Tzu.
My seat in the bloggernacle: http://wayfaringfool.blogspot.com

Harmony
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Joined: 02 Sep 2013, 01:12

Re: New Here (Alex)

Post by Harmony » 12 Oct 2013, 17:43

Welcome Alex. I hope you find support here. I've been on here only a short time, but it has been helpful to me. :smile:

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DarkJedi
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Joined: 24 Aug 2013, 20:53

Re: New Here (Alex)

Post by DarkJedi » 12 Oct 2013, 18:50

I feel like I'm always saying this to new members, but I have lots in common with you yet my experiences are also different. That, in my opinion, is the beauty of this site - we are diverse yet share commonalities. I have found peace and support here and I hope you do as well.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

My Introduction

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hawkgrrrl
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Re: New Here (Alex)

Post by hawkgrrrl » 12 Oct 2013, 21:40

Welcome to the site.
"she ultimately told me she loves me no matter what"
That's the best possible thing to hear from your spouse!

Roy
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Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: New Here (Alex)

Post by Roy » 13 Oct 2013, 16:25

Alex wrote:I simply feel a stronger connection now, at this point in my life, with the love of God and the power of the atonement for us...versus the power of leadership to forgive and inspire us.
Welcome Alex,

These words are meaningful to me. It is hard to say in a way that doesn'r imply value judgments but it is almost as though you have grown beyond your previous framework.

This is a great place to build a new framework with bridges and interfaces to the old one (so that you can communicate with loved ones in thier language). :thumbup:
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

church0333
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Joined: 26 Aug 2012, 17:41
Location: Springfield OR

Re: New Here (Alex)

Post by church0333 » 13 Oct 2013, 21:06

Welcome. I have been here a little over a year. We have similar back grounds but it sounds like you have figured out what works for you faster than many. I have a hard time saying no but I am getting more comfortable with the idea. I just turned down a calling for the first time ever. It is great that your wife isn't hostel but I can really understand about not caring too much any more about some things. It happens but it doesn't feel like the old me. I look forward to hear more from you.

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