My Intro

Public forum, tell us about yourself and what brings you to StayLDS!
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Forgotten_Charity
Posts: 779
Joined: 11 Jul 2012, 18:33

Re: My Intro

Post by Forgotten_Charity » 22 Sep 2012, 08:28

Kipper wrote:So here it is straight up. I have always been afraid to be assigned callings that take away my time to pursue ambitions and this time it happened in the worse possible way. First of all I am not your standard follow the pack type and I need to constantly feel like I am trying to accomplish something. That is what gives me purpose in life. I search after excitement that life offers. I love the outdoors, I need to work physically hard. I surfed from the time I was a kid until recently, I earned a black belt many years ago, I learned how to box, I still race motorcycles, I snow skied for many years, I play the piano and guitar, I work on cars, do woodwork, build web sites, camp, fish, ride mountain bikes and go to the gym regular. I know what your thinking, I've heard GA's mention at least half of those things specifically in talks as being "distractions". OK, so I can swallow that to a point because I had to learn and accept that you can't put anything above or ahead of your desire to be like Christ. So I stopped spending time on almost all of those things so I could be where I should be on Sunday's, during family night and especially spend time with my son while he is still at home. I don't get the same rewards from church culture that others do, I get that but it seems like we are all supposed to be the same. It's just not possible.

But the one thing that is breaking me right now in the worst possible way, the one thing in my life that I set as a goal before I was even 5 years old was to become a pilot. You barely know enough about my childhood to understand why that didn't happen until later. So I did learn to fly but to finish up that pursuit I need a commercial license. I started training for that in January then received two callings that made it impossible for me to continue. Last week I spent four of five evenings doing church duties. This week will be the same and it isn't uncommon to spend more time during the week doing church duties. how do you all do it? Why? I was enrolled in a class, had an instructor lined up for flight training and a plane to use for half the cost of a rental. Should have been taking exams around November but all of that is out the door including the initial costs for class. Don't even think of telling me I'll have time to do it later. This is one of those opportunities that don't get duplicated and more important I'm almost 58 and when I'm in my 60's I need to be experienced, not learning how to fly commercially. You know that voice you supposedly hear when you ask for conformation? I heard it, subtle but very clear, "it's time". Was it a revelation? No, I guess it couldn't have been. I just heard what I wanted to hear.

I've had a couple of evening walk and talks with one of my leaders but it wasn't very productive. Now I am fulfilling my callings, I know I should and I want to but at the same time I have a building animosity toward the church. I am finding fault with everything. Ya know, I spend three to five hours at church on Sunday (just like everyone else) but receive about 45 min of lesson. The rest is rushing around with notebooks and iPads. I sit next to my wife in sacrament then she runs off to talk, plan and make copies. Have I gained more than I lost? Not in my mind. I just need to accept the sacrifice but how? I don't see how.
Sounds a lot like part of my situation. Although to be honest it wasn't just church, work, family and church all required me to have 28-30 hour days. That wasn't going to happen so I just burned the wick at both ends for as long as I could to make up for that fact. Now at 38 I have been "broken" for about 4 years now with no sign of recovery in site. My body has completely collapsed 4 years ago and it appears nothing I can do to get it back at the past 4 years. I am working my life at 25% of my previous capacity as my new max my body will allow. I can not be 100% sure of your situation but I can say in my own hindsight don't run yourself ragged. The pay off to others was great and I personally have no regrets there but to me personally I got almost nothing in return except for satisfaction of helping others( a huge plus). But in return I gave up collage, no lived personal life yet, and apparently a broken body which I was sure would last at least another 20 years but apparently not. I hope you find balance as I am trying to work out now. I have found that life really isn't rewarding without a balance no matter what I was or am told. Be happy with your best no matter what others say or think. Part if being you is enjoying and perfecting your "gifts". Don't we teach this?! We actively teach that god expects us to use and perfect our talents but then teach not to do it if it interfers with church priorities. A paradox. Having learned my lesson the hard way, I would sudjest to you that I hope you don't. I have done or try to do all the things you have said as well as a Promarshal for AMA,wera, NASCAR and Indy car as well as the Ferrari club. I found a deep furfillment in serving others with talents I had been given, but found my spirit dwindling when I just did everything on the "to-do list" of church and others. There has to be a balance, a time for self. One doesn't perfect his gifts given by god by going through a check list of priorities. I feel there is furfillment in doing both gods "direct work" church callings etc. and indirect work, helping others by helping myself grew first then given what streangh god gave me to others. But before we can help others first we must grow and hone our talents. A process that takes "time". Therefore we need that time in a balance to grow. We each have unquie gifts god gave us, no matter what they ate let us not waste them by tossing them aside and saying there is no time for them. Surely while in a balanced state god did not mean for us to forgo the talents of our minds and body he gave us in pursuit of a check list?! I think he doesn't give us talents that we may waste them anymore no matter how good the reason seems why wasting them seems appropriate. I know much of what I know, especially in electronics because people took the time to hone thier talents god gave them and teach them to me and others. Which would have never happened if they were to busy following a check list that through thier lives out of balance. I'm grateful for w hat I was taught, which openly happens when a person takes the time to learn to hone thier god given talents. I find myself depressed when I waste my god given talents even by doing a approved church,work family checklist which leaves little or no time for them. The reason doesn't matter. I think you might or probably feel unsatisfied or depressed when not devolving your talents despite the reason as well. I hope you find your goals and balance.

Kipper
Posts: 255
Joined: 27 Aug 2012, 07:45

Re: My Intro

Post by Kipper » 24 Sep 2012, 00:09

Forgotten_Charity wrote:
Sounds a lot like part of my situation. Although to be honest it wasn't just church, work, family and church all required me to have 28-30 hour days. That wasn't going to happen so I just burned the wick at both ends for as long as I could to make up for that fact. Now at 38 I have been "broken" for about 4 years now with no sign of recovery in site. My body has completely collapsed 4 years ago and it appears nothing I can do to get it back at the past 4 years. I am working my life at 25% of my previous capacity as my new max my body will allow. I can not be 100% sure of your situation but I can say in my own hindsight don't run yourself ragged. The pay off to others was great and I personally have no regrets there but to me personally I got almost nothing in return except for satisfaction of helping others( a huge plus). But in return I gave up collage, no lived personal life yet, and apparently a broken body which I was sure would last at least another 20 years but apparently not. I hope you find balance as I am trying to work out now. I have found that life really isn't rewarding without a balance no matter what I was or am told. Be happy with your best no matter what others say or think. Part if being you is enjoying and perfecting your "gifts". Don't we teach this?! We actively teach that god expects us to use and perfect our talents but then teach not to do it if it interfers with church priorities. A paradox. Having learned my lesson the hard way, I would sudjest to you that I hope you don't. I have done or try to do all the things you have said as well as a Promarshal for AMA,wera, NASCAR and Indy car as well as the Ferrari club. I found a deep furfillment in serving others with talents I had been given, but found my spirit dwindling when I just did everything on the "to-do list" of church and others. There has to be a balance, a time for self. One doesn't perfect his gifts given by god by going through a check list of priorities. I feel there is furfillment in doing both gods "direct work" church callings etc. and indirect work, helping others by helping myself grew first then given what streangh god gave me to others. But before we can help others first we must grow and hone our talents. A process that takes "time". Therefore we need that time in a balance to grow. We each have unquie gifts god gave us, no matter what they ate let us not waste them by tossing them aside and saying there is no time for them. Surely while in a balanced state god did not mean for us to forgo the talents of our minds and body he gave us in pursuit of a check list?! I think he doesn't give us talents that we may waste them anymore no matter how good the reason seems why wasting them seems appropriate. I know much of what I know, especially in electronics because people took the time to hone thier talents god gave them and teach them to me and others. Which would have never happened if they were to busy following a check list that through thier lives out of balance. I'm grateful for w hat I was taught, which openly happens when a person takes the time to learn to hone thier god given talents. I find myself depressed when I waste my god given talents even by doing a approved church,work family checklist which leaves little or no time for them. The reason doesn't matter. I think you might or probably feel unsatisfied or depressed when not devolving your talents despite the reason as well. I hope you find your goals and balance.
In fact I do feel very depressed when not developing my talents, chasing goals and accomplishments. I do believe I have some special gifts that have been in the attic for most of my life. They're still there and I'm trying to make up for lost time but the more active I get in the church the more service and activity is required of me. I want so bad to be invisible. Another week coming up and Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday evenings after work are tied up with requested church obligations. Fulfilling these obligations while gratifying stagnates the rest of my life. Very depressing. How can Mormons live balanced lives?

afterall
Posts: 331
Joined: 09 Jan 2012, 09:57

Re: My Intro

Post by afterall » 24 Sep 2012, 07:08

Kipper, I think it's okay to go to leadership and say that you are too burdened at this point. I think there needs to be a little more emphasis on balance on the local level. I do feel they want us to practice balance from the top, but at the local level, some leaders are so gung ho and are a different point in their lives, they can be guilty of forgetting that everyone has different situations and needs. I think it has become mandatory for each of us to take care of ourselves first, in order to be able to give to others. People burning out, some having emotional breakdowns, etc. are not good for us collectively. I have no trouble with saying no when things need balancing in my own life. Emotional health is just as important as physical health too.

Kipper
Posts: 255
Joined: 27 Aug 2012, 07:45

Re: My Intro

Post by Kipper » 24 Sep 2012, 08:41

afterall wrote:Kipper, I think it's okay to go to leadership and say that you are too burdened at this point. I think there needs to be a little more emphasis on balance on the local level. I do feel they want us to practice balance from the top, but at the local level, some leaders are so gung ho and are a different point in their lives, they can be guilty of forgetting that everyone has different situations and needs. I think it has become mandatory for each of us to take care of ourselves first, in order to be able to give to others. People burning out, some having emotional breakdowns, etc. are not good for us collectively. I have no trouble with saying no when things need balancing in my own life. Emotional health is just as important as physical health too.
Thanks for that. I don't let myself get physically burned out anymore but the emotional part is pretty damaging because I let things get shoved aside that are important to me. My choices are made to avoid guilt but that in turn creates other emotions. Whatever I do now days is at the expense of something else. I may be seeing a little light about not only what I need to do but that it's OK to to do it. Thanks for all the advice - even those I don't reply to. I appreciate it.

Minyan Man
Posts: 1449
Joined: 15 Sep 2011, 13:40

Re: My Intro

Post by Minyan Man » 01 Feb 2016, 11:23

Kipper, I reread your Intro. You seem to be a person who requires challenges, activities & action. The church doesn't do that for most of us & we feel
frustration. Somewhere we need balance. Everything can't be about church & exclude our other needs. Reread what Ray said:
Get your pilot's license. if that means asking to be released, ask to be released. If you aren't released, just stop doing it as much so you can get your pilot's license.

If they want YOU, you need to make sure they get YOU - and part of "you" right now is getting your pilot's license. If they can't accept that, they don't want YOU in that calling; rather, they just want someone.

if you've read much here, you will know that I am on the more conservative side of the spectrum here at this site - but when I accept a calling, I am clear that if they want me, they get ME.
How are other parts of your life working:
Work?
Family?
Friends?

I agree with what you've said about callings in church. I can't or won't accept a calling unless I feel a prompting to do it.
For example: I really like Family History. I am the Family History Consultant in our ward. It is rare that anyone asks me a question about FH.
I work by myself. I have not meetings to go to. I have discovered many things about my family & myself as a result.
I do it on my own schedule & I am not accountable to anyone but myself.

In answer to one of my questions at the time, you said:
Mike wrote:
Welcome to the group Kipper. From your Intro, I would say that you will fit right in.
The first thing I would suggest, if you think you maybe depressed, have it checked out by a professional that you trust.
Many of the other issues may diminish.

Mike from Milton.


I have already been down that road, was medicated three years and yea it helped but I never got the answer to my question why don't we treat the problem and not cover up the symptom. Also, I never felt like I was really myself.
A good therapist or doctor should treat the problem and not cover up the symptoms. FWIW.

I wish you the best in your quest to be happy & fulfilled. In the church or outside.
Minyan Man from Milton (aka Mike)

Roy
Posts: 4889
Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: My Intro

Post by Roy » 02 Feb 2016, 14:58

Somebody recently recommended finding and drinking regularly from your own watering holes. These should be things that interest and inspire you, things that you can be passionate about. The pilot's license is a great example. SD finds passion and purpose in working through local non-profit volunteer organizations. I recently went back to school to acquire more education through a correspondence program.

What has excited/driven you in the past?
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

jgaskill
Posts: 70
Joined: 16 Jun 2015, 22:35

Re: My Intro

Post by jgaskill » 03 Feb 2016, 03:37

First of all welcome and I think you will find support here in your struggles. I too have always been uncomfortable with the time comittments that are required to both be popular and to progress in the priesthood. I try to make it work the best I can but when stuff becomes too much I have learned how to say NO !!! As others can tell you from my posts I still have some issues with the church such as lack of Crosses , temple attendance and Coffe and tea but like I said i try to make it work . If it becomes too much and I end up leaving The Community of Christ sounds like a good option.

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