Another newbie

Public forum, tell us about yourself and what brings you to StayLDS!
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RMsister
Posts: 31
Joined: 10 Mar 2011, 18:39

Re: Another newbie

Post by RMsister » 03 Apr 2011, 11:40

Ray Degraw wrote:
I would like to get married before I can't have children of my own, but if not, well, I'm planning to make the best of my life with or without a husband.


Fwiw, I think that is absolutely and totally in harmony with the advice you would hear from every living apostle - and I certainly think it's the best attitude to have.
:D I hear so many young women, and even some men, say that they would be happier in life if they were married. Well, luckily for my, my mother brought me up otherwise. Hahaha.
Yes, a partner could help through hard times, but you got to learn on your own. When I was younger I had the same attitude :roll: but now that I grew in many different ways, I have a very different opinion. I don't need a guy to make me happy. ;)

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hawkgrrrl
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Re: Another newbie

Post by hawkgrrrl » 04 Apr 2011, 00:40

RMsister - thanks for elaborating. I think you have exactly the right attitude. You certainly don't want to marry the wrong person. While it's true that the 19-23 year old crowd may be "gagging for it" as the British expression goes, that's not always the best foundation for an eternity of happiness and partnership. As to you possibly not marrying in time to have kids, I think that's unlikely. It does happen, but most of my friends who married older did have kids or married someone widowed or divorced who had kids and became a step-mom in the process, some who did both (had step-kids, then also had their own with their spouse). I had several friends and roommates and a sister who all experienced life as a YSA into their thirties. My sister got married at 33 after being kicked out of the SA ward and not being terribly happy about that.

Being single is great, and being married to the wrong person is sheer hell. Knowing what you want is a terrific place to be. I look forward to chatting more on other threads in the forum.

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RMsister
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Re: Another newbie

Post by RMsister » 05 Apr 2011, 12:17

hawkgrrrl wrote:Being single is great, and being married to the wrong person is sheer hell.
Very well said! :clap:

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Heber13
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Re: Another newbie

Post by Heber13 » 08 Apr 2011, 08:34

RMsister wrote:When I was younger I had the same attitude :roll: but now that I grew in many different ways, I have a very different opinion. I don't need a guy to make me happy. ;)
Good for you.

Reminds me of a scripture:
1 Cor 13:11 When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a (wo)man, I put away childish things.
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

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RMsister
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Joined: 10 Mar 2011, 18:39

Re: Another newbie

Post by RMsister » 30 Apr 2011, 13:15

So I went to church just to do my calling, take of the sacrament and leave straight thereafter. I thought people would notice, no one does. Now I feel pretty good when I don't go to church. Or just to do "my thing" and leave. I don't feel guilty, I don't feel like Heavenly Father disapproves of me. I do what is required, but right now I just can't bring it up to go the extra mile.
And still somewhere it confuses me completely.
Aren't I supposed to feel guilty?

I mean, people really don't notice at all, which is fine. I've even been asked to translate a talk from english to my own language (which I'm terrified to do!)

Roy
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Re: Another newbie

Post by Roy » 30 Apr 2011, 14:53

RMsister wrote:I don't feel like Heavenly Father disapproves of me. I do what is required, but right now I just can't bring it up to go the extra mile.
And still somewhere it confuses me completely.
Aren't I supposed to feel guilty?
Thanks for the follow-up.
I think it is important and valuable that you are able to nurture your connection to Heavenly Father and your spirituality separate and apart from church participation. "Trade Up," means that if regular church attendance isn't doing it for you then find something equal to or better to spend your time on - don't just check out. When you feel confident enough in your own journey, when your legs are strong and your stride is firm, then it is good and proper to return to help other travelers in their journeys.
Ray Degraw wrote:The ideal is to be self-sufficient - but groups are organized to deal with those who are not self-sufficient. That's vital to understand:
Religions, by their very nature as organizations, are designed to help the non-self-sufficient.
Thus, as individuals become more self-sufficient, they lose more and more their former NEED for the group that cared for them prior to their emerging self-sufficiency. Their only "need" is if they transfer that former need and help others become self-sufficient, also. Otherwise, the group loses its former potency and benefit and becomes something that limits and restricts, instead.
How do I deal with that? I separate "religion" from "theology" and "faith". I attend a religion to be a help to those who once helped me, and I move "theology" and "faith" into my own, individual sphere.
I attend a religion; I construct a theology; I practice my faith.
I love this thought, it seems to be the essence of what Elder Poelman was trying to say:
“As individually and collectively we increase our knowledge, acceptance, and application of gospel principles, we become less dependent on Church programs. Our lives become gospel centered.”
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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DevilsAdvocate
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Re: Another newbie

Post by DevilsAdvocate » 30 Apr 2011, 15:03

RMsister wrote:So I went to church just to do my calling, take of the sacrament and leave straight thereafter. I thought people would notice, no one does. Now I feel pretty good when I don't go to church. Or just to do "my thing" and leave. I don't feel guilty, I don't feel like Heavenly Father disapproves of me. I do what is required, but right now I just can't bring it up to go the extra mile. And still somewhere it confuses me completely...Aren't I supposed to feel guilty?
If you don't feel guilty maybe there really isn't any good reason that you should feel guilty. I haven't paid tithing or had a temple recommend for years and I don't feel guilty about it at all even though many members would say I should really be ashamed of myself for "robbing God" and for being such a slacker when it comes to the Church. Some people will definitely try to give you a guilt-trip about all kinds of supposed shortcomings if you let them but that doesn't mean they are right.
"Truth is what works." - William James

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Heber13
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Re: Another newbie

Post by Heber13 » 30 Apr 2011, 19:07

I agree DA, because as Hawkgrrl often says, what others say about you is really about them, not you.

I think guilt is ungodly. We should either avoid the actions that make us feel guilty, or we should repent and get rid of guilt so it doesn't burden us...but we should not think we should feel guilty if we don't.
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

Olympic400
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Location: Nevada

Re: Another newbie

Post by Olympic400 » 01 May 2011, 10:09

RMSister -

There were a few things that you mentioned that are very familiar issues for me!

Returning Missionaries. I have known plenty of Elders over the years. They go to to the MTC where the spend two weeks being "guilted" and inundated with the Gospel. For the next two years they live a sheltered and overly structured life, repressing most normal human emotions. They attend countless boring "trainings" where "obedience, obedience, obedience" is preached. Suddenly - it's over and they are headed home on a plane. Thrown back into reality with little or know "debriefing." Even in the military we take time to educate and "civilianize" our active duty members as they prepare to enter back into the real world. The Church fails to do this. I wish it were different.

Single - I am 31 and still not married. I assume that most people in Church think I am either defective or gay. Neither is true (well, at least I don't think I am defective). One of my greatest struggles with the Church is that anyone who does not fit the checklist - somehow they are not accepted (completely). This mentality is contrary to the Gospel of Christ. I also have to disagree with the idea that marriage is essential for the highest salvation. I just cannot accept that our Heavenly Father expects every human being to marry and have children? What of those who cannot have children, who have same sex attraction or just don't want to get married? The idea of marriage as a requirement for exhaltation hints more at a carnal revelation than a spiritual one.

Not noticed at Church. At one point I was active for a long period of time - long enough to start attending the Temple on a regular basis. I was never given a calling (which is fine by me). However, what was hurtful is that I watched new converts roll into the Church and receive callings - almost immediately. I understand the need and tactic to keep new converts active but what about long time members?

Please know you are not alone in your thoughts and struggles. It has been refreshing to discover other Saints who refuse to lose their own identities in order to fit the "model."

Geoff

clahcrah
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Joined: 02 Jan 2011, 18:01

Re: Another newbie

Post by clahcrah » 02 May 2011, 04:14

Please know you are not alone in your thoughts and struggles. It has been refreshing to discover other Saints who refuse to lose their own identities in order to fit the "model."
Count me in this group! My bishop told me I should find another place to worship if I wasnt willing to cut my hair and do everything else he told me :roll:

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