There and back again

Public forum, tell us about yourself and what brings you to StayLDS!
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canadiangirl
Posts: 228
Joined: 16 Apr 2010, 23:15

Re: There and back again

Post by canadiangirl » 20 Jan 2011, 15:01

MnG,

Thank you for explaining. I get it. Not there yet but totally can see where I could get there.

CG

Roy
Posts: 5124
Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: There and back again

Post by Roy » 24 Jan 2011, 14:28

mercyngrace wrote:Another thing that changed for me is that I stopped expecting miracles that I designed and started accepting the miracles that God performed. More than once I followed the standard methods for getting what I want out of God. Praying, fasting, attending the temple, living the commandments, and having blinding faith did nothing to change the circumstances. Where was this God of Miracles? And yet I couldn't deny the unseen hand that was giving me nudges toward understanding and flashes of insight and wisdom that could have been acquired no other way but through my adversities. It turned out that I was the miracle. Or rather, the changes wrought in my heart.
Thank you M&G. I really like that perspective. It gives me alot to think about. You are very welcome here. :wave:
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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Tom Haws
Posts: 1245
Joined: 13 Jan 2009, 06:57
Location: Gilbert, Arizona, USA
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Re: There and back again

Post by Tom Haws » 25 Jan 2011, 09:41

I'm glad you are here, MG. It sounds like you are a seasoned traveller. I'm glad to know you share this church with me.

Tom
Tom (aka Justin Martyr/Justin Morning/Jacob Marley/Kupord Maizzed)
Higley and Guadalupe
Gilbert, Arizona
----
Sure, any religion would do. But I'm LDS.
"There are no academic issues. Everything is emotional to somebody." Ray Degraw at www.StayLDS.com

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Heber13
Posts: 6981
Joined: 22 Apr 2009, 16:37
Location: In the Middle

Re: There and back again

Post by Heber13 » 25 Jan 2011, 10:28

Welcome, and glad you found a place to land here. It sounds like you have found times when despite your doubts or trials, you can find peace for yourself. I think that's way cool. I guess the other lesson I hear from your experience is that it doesn't seem to just stop. You don't just figure it out and are done. It is a continued search, which as human beings, I think we thrive on that...keep searching, keep growing, keep improving ... and in that we find there is no end to the questions or trials, right?

Welcome to the forum. Glad you're here. I look forward to learning from you.
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

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some_guy_in_va
Posts: 4
Joined: 23 Jan 2011, 09:45

Re: There and back again

Post by some_guy_in_va » 26 Jan 2011, 14:50

TABA, thank you so much for your introduction. It's people like you who help me to grow in my faith. Right now, my faith life was going thru a very rough patch. Being a person with quite a few questions and very vague answers, I thank you for your honesty. I look forward to seeing you continue your walk and sharing your thoughts.

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mercyngrace
Posts: 517
Joined: 18 Jan 2011, 12:26

Re: There and back again

Post by mercyngrace » 02 Jun 2011, 18:34

I was thinking today about one of those t-shirts in my drawer (see OP to understand metaphor) and felt like sharing. Hope no one minds my piecemeal memoirs. LOL.

Right after we got married, it became apparent to DH and I that getting pregnant was going to take more effort than it does for some folks. Fortunately, we did get pregnant but it was clear from the start that things weren't quite right. There was spotting and a complete absence of pregnancy symptoms. The only reason we knew I was pregnant was a positive EPT. So I went to the obgyn and we saw the little kidney bean, heart pumping, looking and sounding just as a baby at 3 months ought to look and sound. It was thrilling. The doctor reassured me that "Once you see the heartbeat, 9 times out of 10 you aren't going to miscarry."

I got a blessing from my father, a stalwart member of the church with as much devotion and dedication to God as I've ever seen. He gave me a blessing and afterward shared what he felt were clear flashes of inspiration he'd received while preparing to exercise the priesthood on my behalf. He describe seeing my son, even details of what the child looked like. He wept as he spoke of the peaceful feeling he'd experienced while fasting and praying. Finally, I felt complete confidence that the pregnancy would go well.

About a week later, after returning home from teaching early morning seminary at the church and preparing to go to work as a school teacher, I began bleeding profusely. My husband and I rushed to the clinic where the Dr. performed an ultrasound and informed us that my uterus was empty. I looked at the doctor (keep in mind we live way outside of Utah and he was not LDS) and told him he was wrong, that I'd gotten a priesthood blessing and he'd better look again. I was the perfect picture of absolute faith in the priesthood.

He wasn't wrong, of course, though it took a few minutes for him to establish that fact to my satisfaction. Everyone left the room so I could dress and there in the exam room alone and in shock and denial, my body completed the miscarriage and I "delivered" what remained of our first child.

This was one in a series of experiences that shook my faith to the core. How, after all I'd learned in church and at home, after all I'd taught as a missionary, could a priesthood holder stand by a spiritual witness that turned out to be so utterly false? And how could that priesthood holder be my father, the man I trusted more than any other? The man whose worthiness I could attest to personally? My father's faith was also shaken and to this day, he offers no attempt at explanation. He simply says he still does not understand.

I'm sure my husband, still relatively new to he church, thought I was going crazy in the months that followed. Though I can't be sure, it certainly didn't seem like I was handling a miscarrige as well as other women did. What he didn't understand at that point was that I hadn't just lost a pregnancy, I'd lost faith in the priesthood, in the idea of a God who was anxious to bless me, and in the reliability of my own righteous covenant-keeping to bring about promised blessings.

In retrospect, I realize that this experience prepared me to receive enlightenment and allowed me to grow spiritually in a way that would have been thwarted had the blessing been realized and the child carried to term. I wish I could say that this was the lowest of the depths to which I've had to sink but again, in retrospect, the battering my faith took at that time was a cake walk compared to what came later.
Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much: but to whom little is forgiven, the same loveth little. ~ Luke 7:47

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Brian Johnston
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Joined: 22 Oct 2008, 06:17
Location: Washington DC

Re: There and back again

Post by Brian Johnston » 03 Jun 2011, 05:42

Wow ... that's a very moving experience.
"It's strange to be here. The mystery never leaves you alone." -John O'Donohue, Anam Cara, speaking of experiencing life.

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Heber13
Posts: 6981
Joined: 22 Apr 2009, 16:37
Location: In the Middle

Re: There and back again

Post by Heber13 » 03 Jun 2011, 06:18

I'm really at a loss for words, but think exactly what Brian said. Thank you :thumbup:
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

Curt Sunshine
Site Admin
Posts: 16131
Joined: 21 Oct 2008, 20:24

Re: There and back again

Post by Curt Sunshine » 03 Jun 2011, 06:31

Amen. Thank you.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

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SilentDawning
Posts: 6867
Joined: 09 May 2010, 19:55

Re: There and back again

Post by SilentDawning » 03 Jun 2011, 07:13

Interesting story. I'm actually going to post a different thread on something that your post twigged in my mind.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"Stage 5 is where you no longer believe the gospel as its literally or traditionally taught. Nonetheless, you find your own way to be active and at peace within it". -- SD

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1576

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