Gerlinde from Germany

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Gerlinde
Posts: 10
Joined: 05 Sep 2020, 17:48

Gerlinde from Germany

Post by Gerlinde » 08 Sep 2020, 20:56

Good morning, dear brothers and sisters. My name is Gerlinde, I am a member of the Church in Berlin, and transsexual. I would like to live in the Church as a man, but the Church does not allow it. I have known since my youth; that I, born as a "woman", am actually a man. And that I feel sexually attracted to men, so I'm gay.
I was married, and I am the "mother" of two now grown-up children. Because of my feelings about being a man, I had severe depression for years, and committed two suicide attempts.
At the moment I am thinking intensively about leaving the church to become a man, which is what the German transsexual law allows me to do.
"It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends." ― Albus Dumbledore (Harry Potter and the philosopher's stone)

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DarkJedi
Posts: 7109
Joined: 24 Aug 2013, 20:53

Re: Gerlinde from Germany

Post by DarkJedi » 09 Sep 2020, 04:48

Welcome to the forum. You've got a tough row to hoe. In the most recent handbook revision the church very slightly softened a bit on transgender issues but there are still restrictions. I'm not going to advise one way or the other as far as staying or leaving - but staying will be tough.

May you find the peace you seek.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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Minyan Man
Posts: 1929
Joined: 15 Sep 2011, 13:40

Re: Gerlinde from Germany

Post by Minyan Man » 09 Sep 2020, 12:21

Welcome Gerlinde to our little group. I hope we can help in small way to your navigation through life.
When I joined, I was on the verge of leaving the church. With the help of our group, I found a way
to stay, make new friends & move on with a new understanding of the gospel & a new commitment.

I wish you the best on your journey.

Roy
Posts: 6080
Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Gerlinde from Germany

Post by Roy » 10 Sep 2020, 14:03

Welcome Gerlinde,

My sister said something that I think is applicable here. She said that the church is like a pair of prescription glasses. For some the church offers clarity of purpose and meaning that they wonder how they ever managed without it. Some others find the church understandings and doctrines to not be a good fit. Still others may have at one point found the glasses to fit perfectly but over time things may have shifted and the prescription lenses of yesteryear are just not as helpful anymore (or even harmful).

I think the benefit of this approach is that it A) allows the individual "permission" to stop wearing lenses that no longer fit them and B) it doesn't pass disparagement or judgment on people that love their glasses and find them very helpful.

I fully understand if you decide you need to distance yourself from the church in order to find fulfillment and a measure of happiness. I can also understand if you feel that you want to stay connected to the church in some fashion (maybe you put on your glasses to go to church on Sunday but take them off otherwise or maybe you stop going to church but stop short of having your name removed from the records). Whatever decision you decide is best for you and your mental health, we hope to provide compassion and support.

May God bless you in your journey.

Roy
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

Curt Sunshine
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Joined: 21 Oct 2008, 20:24

Re: Gerlinde from Germany

Post by Curt Sunshine » 11 Sep 2020, 09:38

Welcome, Gerlinde. I am glad you found us.

I have a dear friend who is in your situation - except that she is transitioning from biological maleness. She has gone back and forth with church activity, although her core testimony has not wavered.

I have a few other dear friends who left in order to be themselves fully without the crushing shame and stress they felt while being active. The "dysphoria" was too intense to handle in a healthy way.

Our mission here is to help people be healthy and happy as they figure out how to stay LDS - but you are welcome here no matter your decision, as long as you don't try to push others toward leaving.

To share one of my favorite quotes:
May there be a road!
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

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SilentDawning
Posts: 7324
Joined: 09 May 2010, 19:55

Re: Gerlinde from Germany

Post by SilentDawning » 12 Sep 2020, 07:03

Welcome. I realize the plight of transsexual individuals and people with same sex attraction in our church. It is a difficult situation. I am glad you are with us so you can develop your own path.

I find that writing about issues one at a time, getting perceptions from others, and responding helps develop resilience and your own "way".

A while ago, my wife told me that I have changed. She felt in a not so great way, actually (from her perspective, and in a better way, from my perspective). But I credit this site with providing me a way of clarifying my thoughts, getting perspectives from others and then developing my own responses to the challenges being a member of the church faces.

I hope you post often so you can get the impressions of others and find greater peace and fulfilment.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

A man asked Jesus "do all roads lead to you?" Jesus responds,”most roads don’t lead anywhere, but I will travel any road to find you.” Adapted from The Shack, William Young

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