I think I had a bit of an epiphany.
1) I am resentful at the church for teaching me assumptions that did not hold up to be true in my life.
2) I am resentful at the church for failing to accept/embrace/understand me in my post FC state.
IOW, there is ongoing trauma as I perceive the church to be continuing to reject me.
1) I was resentful of the church for a short time after transferring that resentment from God. I ended up transferring again, though - to people members in general (and sometimes specific individuals). Much of this teaching happened so long ago that it's worthless to hold the grudge, some of the people are dead. I could be deceiving myself, but I really do believe it's people who led me astray as opposed to the church. I don't resent the church (perhaps I have forgiven?) and I don't resent the individuals/groups (I think I have definitely forgiven). That does not mean that I don't have feelings about it all the time, I do go to F&TM after all. For the most part I chalk it up to not fully understanding or being deceived themselves.
2) I'm with you. I think I have met with some acceptance and understanding, but I am still a llama among sheep. I'm not sure if it's the church or the members I resent for this.
I learned about Heavenly Mother from a non-member (an anti one actually). I was within my first few months of membership and asked my mentors who explained her as best they could to me. One of the things I liked about the church, especially early on in my membership, was that it seemed like most things made sense. A God that was beg enough to fill the universe but could fit in my heart made no sense to me, the Mormon God made sense. Such was the case with Heavenly Mother - she made sense. My perceptions and understanding of both (and many other things) has certainly evolved and changed vastly over time, but she still makes sense - more sense than Adam participating in the creation. With that I'll take my general stance and focus on what I do believe and what I believe there is enough scriptural evidence of and wait on the rest. I do believe the fullness of the gospel is here (I don't believe it ever left, actually) and how God did the creation doesn't seem to be a part of it.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.
Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."