Intro/ looking for advice

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
Post Reply
sknab
Posts: 9
Joined: 10 Dec 2019, 17:26

Intro/ looking for advice

Post by sknab » 10 Dec 2019, 21:43

Hello. To preface, I have a feeling this is going to be quite the lengthy post. While I hope I get some help, I understand if you breeze right past this post due to its length. I think in some ways just putting this all out in the world may help in a lot of ways so, thanks in advance to those who read on and thanks for those who choose to give me their input.

I'm so happy to have found this forum. I've already read so much and gathered so much insight from all of you. As a brief introduction, I've been a member of the LDS church all my life, I'm in my mid-thirties, served a mission, got married in the temple and pretty much lived your typical TBM life up until now. I've never really felt that "confirmation" or passion or whatever the case may be as to the truthfulness of the gospel and I've never felt a true conviction to anything in particular. I basically did what was expected and I've done alright...

Fast forward to today. I'm having some major issues and going through some major mental hurdles like many of you seem to have also gone through. I don't anticipate my situation being unique or anything it's just maybe hard to have some perspective when everything seems to be crashing down around me. I have some real questions about what is taught and the historicity of "the church" but, as mentioned before, I've also never felt that "burning" as to the truthfulness of any of it. I've most certainly felt emotional about certain topics/stories and I believe I've been blessed throughout my life (at least I think that's what I'd call it) in many ways. I am married to a wonderful person and I have two kids. Both of our families are very firmly rooted in the church and I can't imagine what they would say or how they would react knowing I wasn't "feeling" it "so to speak". For now, I'm definitely not ready to talk to any of them about what I'm going through as I'm not sure I'd have the support or listening ear I need. With that being said, I'm going to try and figure out a way to strike a balance between what I'm feeling/learning now and what they expect me to be... hence why I'm here.

I appreciated finding the essay today titled "How to Stay in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints After a Major Challenge to Your Faith" and I plan to read it and study from it. It looks like many of my technical questions may be answered within that document. However, like I mentioned, I feel very lost, almost bitter, definitely confused and most certainly unsure of how or what life looks like from here. I was hoping I may pose a few questions to the group to maybe get some of your personal experiences/ advice on how to handle these things. Again, between your input and my study of the previously mentioned essay I hope to be able to at least calm my mind and feel like I have some structure to build on. Here are some of those questions:

1. Where do I even start theologically? Part of my big problem right now is the God I know is the God that has been taught to me throughout my LDS life. I think I believe there is a God... I WANT to believe there is a God, but every once in a while I almost feel panicked and feel so alone knowing that the God I thought I knew may not even exist, what kind of life is that? I can't believe that we are just biological creatures that are born, live, die and that's it... or can I? Are there resources or suggestions on where I can lay a new foundation for all of this and maybe find a new way to relate with a spiritual being or belief system?

2. I have had a calling for the last year, I teach Sunday School for a portion of our youth group. It hasn't been bad, in fact, I've really appreciated getting to know many of our young folks and seeing their faith, many of them remind me of when I was their age and all the things they are about to experience in the "real world". I'm not sure I can keep doing this though especially with 2020 curriculum being based in the Book of Mormon. Is their a tactful way to ask for a release from this calling without drawing attention to the fact that I just may not believe any of this stuff? My bishop asked me to also be a part of the 8 and 9 year old youth program that was just introduced so, I feel like maybe I could just use that as an excuse? Although, to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't mind just being left alone for a bit to figure all this out...

3. How horrible is it for me to keep these things from my wife, kids, parents, siblings, friends etc? My son turns 8 next year and the expectation that I baptize him is obviously a given. Retaining a temple recommend would be important to maintain some sort of image that is expected of me. I honestly feel like a horrible human being even considering any of this but, I just don't know what to do. I wrote something in my journal the other day to the affect of "how can I say the church doesn't mean anything to me when almost every decision was based around that belief system throughout my life?" I feel like if I lose this piece of me I literally have nothing.

4. How do I raise my kids in a religion I believe teaches many good principles but, that I don't necessarily believe to be true? There's a part of me that feels very bitter towards the fact that I gave up a lot of things for this religion including two formative years of my life to teaching others something that I don't know if I even believe!! I don't hold this against my parents... I believe they believe and they weren't trying to deceive me. They live the principles of the gospel and for that I can't fault them. I just don't want to take the chance that my kids "find out" about some of these challenging gospel questions and blame me for it. That would break my heart.

Again, I apologize for the length of this post and it could be longer. I have many more questions but, these are the ones on the top of my mind tonight. Many may be answered as I read the previously mentioned essay. Thanks again for taking the time to read. I hope I can meet some open-minded people one day that I can share a meal with and chat face-to-face about some of these challenges with but, for now, I think I will keep this part of my life as secret as possible. Thanks.

AmyJ
Posts: 945
Joined: 27 Jul 2017, 05:50

Re: Intro/ looking for advice

Post by AmyJ » 11 Dec 2019, 07:08

sknab wrote:
10 Dec 2019, 21:43
1. Where do I even start theologically?
A) I started with Charity. If becoming a more mindful, charitable, boundary creating and respecting person brings me closer to God, great. But at the end of the day, I would rather be a charitable atheist then a non-charitable atheist. Also helpful for teaching others - especially in the Book of Mormon because there are a lot of pithy points about Charity.

B) When you look at history, the whole Protestant Reformation was kicked off in part by a fundamental change in how people viewed themselves and the role that God had in their lives. You are not alone in this - whole countries have gone through it.

C) You can find core principles that will ground you as you put your mental theological house back together.

D) I highly recommend not starting a faith transition while being in the Pathways program :lol:
sknab wrote:
10 Dec 2019, 21:43
2. Is their a tactful way to ask for a release from this calling without drawing attention to the fact that I just may not believe any of this stuff? My bishop asked me to also be a part of the 8 and 9 year old youth program that was just introduced so, I feel like maybe I could just use that as an excuse? Although, to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't mind just being left alone for a bit to figure all this out...

I have no idea, sorry. There are more socially savy people here for that one:) They will also know how to talk about potential fallout for your family...

But you could request a change in calling based on potential work load, family situation, feeling the need to grow in a different way in a different calling, or having the resources (and excitement) for the 8-9 year old group. However, when you go in for to make this request, it might be helpful to say something like "I can't contribute to the ward anymore in this area, but here is how I can contribute..."
sknab wrote:
10 Dec 2019, 21:43
3. How horrible is it for me to keep these things from my wife, kids, parents, siblings, friends etc? My son turns 8 next year and the expectation that I baptize him is obviously a given. Retaining a temple recommend would be important to maintain some sort of image that is expected of me. I honestly feel like a horrible human being even considering any of this but, I just don't know what to do. I wrote something in my journal the other day to the affect of "how can I say the church doesn't mean anything to me when almost every decision was based around that belief system throughout my life?" I feel like if I lose this piece of me I literally have nothing.
I can't help you with the whole baptism thing. My contribution to my daughter's baptism did not require a temple recommend (though I had one at the time).

I kept most of my faith transition (the hardest part when I was thinking about not believing in God anymore) from my husband for about 9 months I think. There is no good solution here. If you talk about your transition, it is harder on them. If you don't talk about it, then they wonder what you are hiding and feel shut out. There is a ton of stuff about mixed-faith marriages out there that is super helpful - it made me realize that every couple is in a mixed-faith marriage, they just don't realize it and may have more common ground to work from.

In my experience, I lost a lot of ground/understanding when the faith transition started. It sucks. But it also provides a (hopefully) once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to start over rebuilding a spiritual foundation.
sknab wrote:
10 Dec 2019, 21:43
4. How do I raise my kids in a religion I believe teaches many good principles but, that I don't necessarily believe to be true? There's a part of me that feels very bitter towards the fact that I gave up a lot of things for this religion including two formative years of my life to teaching others something that I don't know if I even believe!! I don't hold this against my parents... I believe they believe and they weren't trying to deceive me. They live the principles of the gospel and for that I can't fault them. I just don't want to take the chance that my kids "find out" about some of these challenging gospel questions and blame me for it. That would break my heart.
I have no idea on this one. I am winging it with my 10 year old and 3 year old girls. My husband is studying history, so we talk out some of the stickier stuff on some levels from a historical perspective. I would let your children drive the questions - as long as you willing to follow them and research answers and perspectives together, that will help.

It was hilarious - my daughter was threatening not to go to church ever again, and I kept nodding and saying "OK, you can make that choice when you are older". My nonchalance was not what she was expecting.

Minyan Man
Posts: 1847
Joined: 15 Sep 2011, 13:40

Re: Intro/ looking for advice

Post by Minyan Man » 11 Dec 2019, 11:25

sknab, welcome. We're glad you found us. Introductions are always interesting. Your intro sounds very familiar.
I don't have a lot of time to address every point you brought out. Here are a few suggestions. Take what you can use &
leave the rest.

- try to relax. All issues in life do not have to be solved or addressed immediately. (you can fill in the time period.)
- try to find time for yourself. It could be exercise, meditation, nature, reading, etc. (you get the idea.)
- try to find time to talk to your immediate family, wife, children, parents, etc. You don't have to tell them everything at once. Just start a dialogue.
They may have issues that they would like resolve. Slowly reveal yours.
- If your current position at church isn't working, ask for something different. Go to the Bishop with the position you want & they need to fill.
For example, I am involved with Family History. I work by myself, I don't go to meetings or training sessions. I index, review & send names
to the temple. In the process, I learn things about my own family. (Some of them didn't live a perfect life either.)
- Develop contacts outside of church. Since I've gone through my FC, some of my best friends are outside of church. (atheist, muslim, family, etc)
I like to compare & contrast their ideas & council with my church friends. In return, they are free to be open with me.
- I try to view my life as a journey not an event or moment in time. I expect positive changes to occur over time during my journey here.

Keep coming back. This is a good place to start.

REBEL2
Posts: 32
Joined: 19 Jan 2019, 08:57

Re: Intro/ looking for advice

Post by REBEL2 » 11 Dec 2019, 12:19

Welcome: I will send some things your way that have worked for me since my FC. Dont have a binary view of the church this very important to me . Take what works for you !!!! I dont wear a suit to church anymore and I am not a good public speaker so I dont do it. I believe God is a spirit but that is just my own personal view. I find things in common to others at church to discuss instead of some views that I hold that may seem inflammatory to others. If priesthood is toooo much on a particular sunday I leave. I have developed my own views on most issues such as I cant stand people saying this is the only true church , so I say their are other churches because God speaks to all his children in a way they will accept and understand !! I am however firm in my stand on basic christianity that I will not move from . But as for the details ahhh people are to caught up in that. The LDS church still has value, purpose and meaning for me but it has not come easy. It has been very very difficult at times. Hang in there. One last thing I would like to recommend the book "planted" by Patrick Mason it is excellent. God Bless.

Roy
Posts: 5977
Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Intro/ looking for advice

Post by Roy » 11 Dec 2019, 17:48

One thing to remember is that there is no one right way to do this. We do share some things that have worked for us and that may or may not be helpful for you.
sknab wrote:
10 Dec 2019, 21:43
I hope to be able to at least calm my mind and feel like I have some structure to build on. Here are some of those questions:

1. Where do I even start theologically? Part of my big problem right now is the God I know is the God that has been taught to me throughout my LDS life. I think I believe there is a God... I WANT to believe there is a God, but every once in a while I almost feel panicked and feel so alone knowing that the God I thought I knew may not even exist, what kind of life is that? I can't believe that we are just biological creatures that are born, live, die and that's it... or can I? Are there resources or suggestions on where I can lay a new foundation for all of this and maybe find a new way to relate with a spiritual being or belief system?
I went through an assumptive world collapse tied my former belief is the just world hypothesis (news flash - bad things happen to good people). For a time, I was in a scary freefall where nothing felt solid. I came to a landing on the idea that God loves me but may not be in the business of protecting me. I do not make claims on what form God takes but I feel that God exists in some form and that he cares. One bishop I knew felt firm ground on the issue of priesthood authority. He felt that sometimes wrong things had been done historically but in the end the church had the authority for saving ordinances and that was what mattered most. His landing point allowed him to acknowledge mistakes and problem areas in the church while still maintaining a sense of loyalty to the church. That worked for him. Tied to my belief that God loves me is the companion belief that I matter. I do hope for a continued existence in an afterlife but more scary than a cessation of my consciousness is the idea of futility and pointlessness. I want to belief in meaningfulness and I make some decisions based on this desire. I think you would want to build your foundation on something that is consistent with your experiences and feelings (it just feels right) and that is impossible to prove wrong. The idea that God loves me and I have meaning cannot be disproven. As another example - The idea that the church has authority from God to perform ordinances of eternal significance likewise cannot be disproven.
sknab wrote:
10 Dec 2019, 21:43
2. I have had a calling for the last year, I teach Sunday School for a portion of our youth group. It hasn't been bad, in fact, I've really appreciated getting to know many of our young folks and seeing their faith, many of them remind me of when I was their age and all the things they are about to experience in the "real world". I'm not sure I can keep doing this though especially with 2020 curriculum being based in the Book of Mormon. Is their a tactful way to ask for a release from this calling without drawing attention to the fact that I just may not believe any of this stuff? My bishop asked me to also be a part of the 8 and 9 year old youth program that was just introduced so, I feel like maybe I could just use that as an excuse? Although, to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't mind just being left alone for a bit to figure all this out...
In our church we do not leave people callingless for very long. I have been fortunate to serve in the cub scout program for 5ish years now. It has allowed me to contribute even if I can only make church on Sunday sporadically due to work. It also does not require me to teach religious concepts where I might not believe. I second the suggestion to inform your bishop of areas in your ward where you would like to contribute.
sknab wrote:
10 Dec 2019, 21:43
3. How horrible is it for me to keep these things from my wife, kids, parents, siblings, friends etc? My son turns 8 next year and the expectation that I baptize him is obviously a given. Retaining a temple recommend would be important to maintain some sort of image that is expected of me. I honestly feel like a horrible human being even considering any of this but, I just don't know what to do. I wrote something in my journal the other day to the affect of "how can I say the church doesn't mean anything to me when almost every decision was based around that belief system throughout my life?" I feel like if I lose this piece of me I literally have nothing.
What value do you have as a person if the church is just people doing people things? What value is there in your life choices? What value is there in keeping the commandments or living a moral and ethical lifestyle? What is your identity?
These are important questions that you may wish to think and feel through. Hint - even if the church wasn't divine it might still have value and meaning to you. I have baptized and ordained my children without a TR (I have not had a TR since my faith crisis about 10 years ago because of tithing). I feel strongly that to be involved in those developmental milestones for my children is meaningful.
I would choose to eventually talk to your spouse about your feelings. This might be difficult and painful but I do not believe it is healthy to be married without a fairly significant amount of honesty, transparency, and vulnerability. Everyone else is on a different scale of "Need to know" in my opinion. Most of these non-spouse people in my life know that I believe differently than your traditional Mormon but I do not usually find a need to lay out my beliefs for them. They may assume things about my beliefs and I do not feel the need to clarify those assumptions.
sknab wrote:
10 Dec 2019, 21:43
4. How do I raise my kids in a religion I believe teaches many good principles but, that I don't necessarily believe to be true? There's a part of me that feels very bitter towards the fact that I gave up a lot of things for this religion including two formative years of my life to teaching others something that I don't know if I even believe!! I don't hold this against my parents... I believe they believe and they weren't trying to deceive me. They live the principles of the gospel and for that I can't fault them. I just don't want to take the chance that my kids "find out" about some of these challenging gospel questions and blame me for it. That would break my heart.
I think this depends largely on your wife, her beliefs, and how you decide to support your wife in the religious principles she desires to teach in your home. This could include attending church with your family, taking the lead in holding and "presiding over" FHE, or saying family prayers. Maybe you could teach certain lessons to your children that you believe in and your wife or an older child might give those lessons that you have trouble with. Maybe you could discuss before hand with your wife how to modify lessons to help you feel better about them. I remember my wife and I altered an FHE lesson on "choose the right" into "make good choices". It might also include performing baptisms, priesthood blessings of comfort and healing, and father's blessings for your household. I would never lie to my children but I do not tell them everything all the time. Even if they came to me with a direct question I might respond with, "that's a really great question, I would like to think about it and discuss this with your mother before I give you an answer. Will that work?"

Anyway, these are ideas that have worked for me. Your mileage may vary.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

Curt Sunshine
Site Admin
Posts: 16757
Joined: 21 Oct 2008, 20:24

Re: Intro/ looking for advice

Post by Curt Sunshine » 11 Dec 2019, 18:49

I don't have time for a full response, so I simply will tell you I am glad you found us - and offer one thing directly.

Something I have said often over the years:

If God asked to identified as "I Am", that emphasis is good enough for Their children. I am Me - and, as a husband, I am We.

My service in church reflects Me/We. I do what I can do, not what others expect me to do. If I am offered a calling, I accept it with the understanding that they are getting Me/We. If they don't like that, I am fine with being released. That is not my call, and I don't hold any grudges.

For example, I used to be a coordinator in the temple, but my schedule made it essentially impossible when I went back to school full-time while working full-time to be Me/We properly and maintain being a temple worker, so I told the Temple President and my Bishop I would need to stop being a temple worker. I didn't "ask to be released"; I told them I couldn't keep doing it. That is an important distinction to me. They understood it as a request to be released, which was an important distinction to them. I was cool with that.

Welcome to our little Island of Misfit Toys.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

sknab
Posts: 9
Joined: 10 Dec 2019, 17:26

Re: Intro/ looking for advice

Post by sknab » 16 Dec 2019, 07:41

I wanted to say "Thank-you" to those that responded. I've made my way through the essay posted on this site about how to stay in the church after a crisis of faith. That, along with some of your suggestions, has helped me immensely. While I still have some questions and anxiety's about a few things, I think I can at least see a path to finding normality again.

I still float through moments of bitterness, I'd imagine that may never end. I also am not sure when or how to tell my wife. I definitely have a lot of work to do and re-programming. I don't quite understand what the future looks like which scares me a bit but, honestly, who does?

There was at least one suggestion on some further reading from this post and a number of other reading references in the essay. I plan to continue studying and trying to figure out how to form a "new" life within the LDS Faith. I hope to be able to contribute my little effort to this forum as well.

For now, this will be my outlet as, no one else in the world knows what I'm going through. I appreciate this resource.

Roy
Posts: 5977
Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Intro/ looking for advice

Post by Roy » 16 Dec 2019, 10:11

Sure, there is plenty of time to figure this out. Don't make any sudden changes until you have had mountains of time to process how this will affect those around you. It is not all or nothing. Focus on what you do believe. Can you believe in a higher power? Can you believe that our lives matter and have meaning? Can you believe in symbolic manifestations of love, sacrifice, commitment, cleansing, and forgiveness? Those are some excellent places to start.

Welcome to our isle of misfit toys. (stop animation Rudolf movie reference)
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

User avatar
nibbler
Posts: 4356
Joined: 14 Nov 2013, 07:34
Location: Ten miles west of the exact centre of the universe

Re: Intro/ looking for advice

Post by nibbler » 18 Dec 2019, 21:29

sknab wrote:
10 Dec 2019, 21:43
1. Where do I even start theologically? Part of my big problem right now is the God I know is the God that has been taught to me throughout my LDS life. I think I believe there is a God... I WANT to believe there is a God, but every once in a while I almost feel panicked and feel so alone knowing that the God I thought I knew may not even exist, what kind of life is that? I can't believe that we are just biological creatures that are born, live, die and that's it... or can I? Are there resources or suggestions on where I can lay a new foundation for all of this and maybe find a new way to relate with a spiritual being or belief system?
Start wherever you'd like, it's your theology now. ;) Another thing, you can if you'd like, but you don't have to build a foundation. You can change your mind. I've found there's an ebb and flow, so I say let it flow. Sometimes it's easier to flow with the current than fight against it.

I'm not tethered right now, so that's the context for this part: say there is a God but I don't believe there is. Does God cease to exist or does God continue to exist without my belief? Say there isn't a God but I believe there is. Does God come into being because I believe? Do we create our own reality or does reality exist independent of our beliefs? Keeping in mind that it's not an either/or thing. Does it really matter what we believe? After all, what is... is, right?

I think it does matter, to a degree, but who are we learning about when we contemplate these things, God or ourselves? Again, I don't see that as an either/or thing.
sknab wrote:
10 Dec 2019, 21:43
2. I have had a calling for the last year, I teach Sunday School for a portion of our youth group. It hasn't been bad, in fact, I've really appreciated getting to know many of our young folks and seeing their faith, many of them remind me of when I was their age and all the things they are about to experience in the "real world". I'm not sure I can keep doing this though especially with 2020 curriculum being based in the Book of Mormon. Is their a tactful way to ask for a release from this calling without drawing attention to the fact that I just may not believe any of this stuff? My bishop asked me to also be a part of the 8 and 9 year old youth program that was just introduced so, I feel like maybe I could just use that as an excuse? Although, to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't mind just being left alone for a bit to figure all this out...
That's always a tough one. No two people will have the same experience. If you're concerned with people labeling you as an unbeliever you could stick to generalities, "I need a break." "Life is very busy and I don't think I'll be able to swing two callings. I'd like to stick with just the youth program calling for right now."
sknab wrote:
10 Dec 2019, 21:43
3. How horrible is it for me to keep these things from my wife, kids, parents, siblings, friends etc? My son turns 8 next year and the expectation that I baptize him is obviously a given. Retaining a temple recommend would be important to maintain some sort of image that is expected of me. I honestly feel like a horrible human being even considering any of this but, I just don't know what to do. I wrote something in my journal the other day to the affect of "how can I say the church doesn't mean anything to me when almost every decision was based around that belief system throughout my life?" I feel like if I lose this piece of me I literally have nothing.
This is another tough one that will be different for everyone. It's your life, keeping this journey private doesn't make you a horrible person, but having walked the walk I can say that it can eat at you such that you feel horrible. Feeling horrible is much different that being horrible. It's a terrible journey to walk alone. I confided my journey to my wife but I had to get to a place where I needed to take that step.

Take this with a truckload of salt (read: this is bad advice because I don't know anything) but I've found that living life solely to meet other people's expectations usually comes at the price of personal happiness. If taken to extremes you'll make yourself miserable trying to please others. Notice I said "if taken to extremes." I think there's a balance, only doing things to please self is equally out of balance.

You're figuring things out. Figuring things out takes time. I don't think it's fair for you to beat yourself up for perhaps being a little indecisive while you're still figuring things out. Heck, I don't think it would be fair to beat yourself up even if you had everything figured out and goofed up. We're human. We learn as we go.
sknab wrote:
10 Dec 2019, 21:43
4. How do I raise my kids in a religion I believe teaches many good principles but, that I don't necessarily believe to be true? There's a part of me that feels very bitter towards the fact that I gave up a lot of things for this religion including two formative years of my life to teaching others something that I don't know if I even believe!! I don't hold this against my parents... I believe they believe and they weren't trying to deceive me. They live the principles of the gospel and for that I can't fault them. I just don't want to take the chance that my kids "find out" about some of these challenging gospel questions and blame me for it. That would break my heart.
It's interesting that you don't blame your parents but you worry that your children will blame you. Hey, I've felt that exact same way. Doctrines and ordinances aside, as parents we can only do the best we can do with what we have. We're very limited. I recognize that my parents have done what they thought was best for me and I try to do the same for my kids. I will get things wrong, that's a fact of life, and hopefully my kids will understand and someday feel the same way we currently feel, that we did the best we could.

I mean... if there was an easy go-to answer to all of this we'd all be doing it, right? :smile:
None of the things one frets about ever happen. Something one's never thought of does.
― Connie Willis , Doomsday Book

Post Reply