Family Values Proposition

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
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Rumin8
Posts: 99
Joined: 25 Mar 2018, 14:00

Family Values Proposition

Post by Rumin8 » 04 Mar 2019, 16:53

Hey all, as I'm trying to navigate this new (and scary) path of remaining in the church but with my own twist of a meaning-based approach, I suggested to my family last night that we create a list of core family values. [As an aside, my wife is well aware of my current position, but my children are not.] These can be church based, but I was really hoping to create a list of broad-based ethical values that transcend religious dogma. The reason for this is that we are having some particular issues with our older teenage children and I find that they are lost in the "read, pray, be obedient" feedback loop. I don't believe this is helping become balanced, well adjusted adults. I'd like to focus on these core values at the same time as we go through the home study course each week.

Have any of you tried this approach? If so, or even if not, what would you place as core values for your family?

Some thoughts of things that are important to me (in no particular order):
* Family First
* Personal Relationship with god
* Love
* Integrity
* Kindness
* Tolerance
* Strong work ethic
* Loyalty
* Persistence
* Service to others

I'd love to hear others thoughts about this approach and/or what core values you teach in your families.
"Moderation in all things, especially moderation." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Be excellent to each other." - Abraham Lincoln to Bill & Ted

Roy
Posts: 5695
Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Family Values Proposition

Post by Roy » 04 Mar 2019, 17:07

here goes.

Self determination.
Preparation for the future
Love and acceptance in the home
Communication
Respecting each other
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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mom3
Posts: 3973
Joined: 02 Apr 2011, 14:11

Re: Family Values Proposition

Post by mom3 » 04 Mar 2019, 17:16

Your list is great.

We have added
  • safety
  • Listening
  • Candor
"I stayed because it was God and Jesus Christ that I wanted to follow and be like, not individual human beings." Chieko Okazaki Dialogue interview

"I am coming to envision a new persona for the Church as humble followers of Jesus Christ....Joseph and his early followers came forth with lots of triumphalist rhetoric, but I think we need a new voice, one of humility, friendship and service. We should teach people to believe in God because it will soften their hearts and make them more willing to serve." - Richard Bushman

Mordimor
Posts: 14
Joined: 23 Mar 2016, 00:12

Re: Family Values Proposition

Post by Mordimor » 05 Mar 2019, 00:28

We have done something like this for during our faith crisis when we looked at walking away. I didn’t want to loose all of the “good parts” that I see in the church. Our children are younger 10,8, and 5. This however started about three years ago and I needed to make it super simple because of age. All the needs we wanted to address could be broken down into three things:
- kindness - good natured, generous, indulgent, considerate, helpful, doing what’s right
- obiedence - willingness to comply or follow instructions
- respectful - a feeling of admiration or deference.

We had been going through what I thought was a difficult time with our eldest (normal kid behavior really) but it has worked well for the last few years. It also is awesome because I can ask all three children what exactly I expect. I also have made it clear that I do believe where these three things will get “lost” in some particular situations but that I want them to be contributing members of society and learn to work. It’s been years and we are still active, non TR holders, that try to help our kids and others. We have room for improvement as done all people.

AmyJ
Posts: 901
Joined: 27 Jul 2017, 05:50

Re: Family Values Proposition

Post by AmyJ » 05 Mar 2019, 07:21

I found a writer who makes a really good list:
https://amymorinlcsw.com/mentally-strong-people/

Curt Sunshine
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Posts: 16575
Joined: 21 Oct 2008, 20:24

Re: Family Values Proposition

Post by Curt Sunshine » 05 Mar 2019, 08:07

Love (Why do you do what you do?)

Respect (Avoid judgment, especially without extensive input from the other person.)

Thoughtfulness (Think before you act. Act, don't be acted upon.)

Honesty (Own your actions / decisions.)

I have thought about a values system based on the Sermon on the Mount, but that approach hadn't hit me when our kids were young.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

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