Having troubles getting to my YSA ward

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AzWildCat24
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Joined: 24 Aug 2018, 14:27

Having troubles getting to my YSA ward

Post by AzWildCat24 »

I am a 25 year old YSA, a guy and am currently I'm a University student graduating this December. However, I moved back home from Tucson back to the Phoenix area to finish out school. Mostly because it didn't make much sense to rent out an apartment for one semester. Anyways, I am finding I am having difficulties attending my YSA ward. I think some of it stems from fear and also low self esteem. I never served a mission, so while I don't have that as a chip on my shoulder it just feels weird sometimes. I really want to find some friends my age, or even start dating. But like I said I am having trouble even getting off the ground with this one. I should note I have struggled with depression since I was 15, but was not officially diagnosed until I was 18. (That was actually one of the things that prevented me from going on a mission. That and some serious medical troubles. I also am not your typical Mormon, either. I struggle. I struggle with my faith, I do things I probably shouldn't do. I have a struggle with pornography, I sometimes go purchase stuff on Sunday and I drink energy drinks :o *GASPS* I know, I know it's not that big of a deal but with the LDS community I grew up with this is considered bad. Heck, I have even tried beer once or twice just to see what all the fuss was about when I was down in Tucson. In essence I'm not your typical blond haired, popular, hormone driven Mormon YSA. As stated previously I really do want to make some friends and socialize and even start dating. But I am choosing to hold myself back and also I think my low self esteem is holding me back. I hate using excuses for things, but I think that's part of the issue. I do have a Psychologist that I am seeing, I have been seeing him since I was 20 actually. He is LDS so he'd understand these issues somewhat as well and has given me some advice, but I haven't been 100% open with him though. I should though. When I was down in Tucson i lived alone, and while I do live with my brother near my parents I am basically independent. I try to see my parents a few times a week since they live literally right next door, and I do see my brother everyday and that is great and all. But it's family. Not people that are in the ward. My brother is in his 30s so he doesn't attend my ward.
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Heber13
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Joined: 22 Apr 2009, 16:37
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Re: Having troubles getting to my YSA ward

Post by Heber13 »

Hi. Thanks for sharing.

I think you should keep working on being comfortable just being you. Split out church issues from life issues and find ways to be happy being you and doing church you own way. Whatever feels right to you, use that.
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."
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dande48
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Joined: 24 Jan 2016, 16:35
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Re: Having troubles getting to my YSA ward

Post by dande48 »

Echoing what Heber said,

Set boundaries with the Church. Even if you believe it 100%, the Church isn't everything, and no two members are alike. Don't beat yourself up if you don't think you can make it, or have to leave early. You can even choose to attend the family ward with your brother. No wrong answers here. Go with what you're most comfortable with.

Have you tried any one of the LDS dating sites? There's LDSSingles, LDSPlanet... those are the only two I know of, but I'm sure there's more. I think it'd be an easy way to ease into meeting people and dating.
"The whole world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel." - Horace Walpole

"Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure."
-Lemony Snicket
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nibbler
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Re: Having troubles getting to my YSA ward

Post by nibbler »

AzWildCat24 wrote: 06 Oct 2018, 07:37 I also am not your typical Mormon, either. I struggle. I struggle with my faith, I do things I probably shouldn't do. I have a struggle with pornography, I sometimes go purchase stuff on Sunday and I drink energy drinks :o *GASPS* I know, I know it's not that big of a deal but with the LDS community I grew up with this is considered bad. Heck, I have even tried beer once or twice just to see what all the fuss was about when I was down in Tucson. In essence I'm not your typical blond haired, popular, hormone driven Mormon YSA.
You'd be surprised. At church we often put up a façade, bury our true selves to present an image of what we believe others want to see. That can be tough at church, there can be a lot of pressure to conform to be/feel accepted.
I kept a diary right after I was born. Day 1: Tired from the move. Day 2: Everyone thinks I'm an idiot.
— Steven Wright
Roy
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Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
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Re: Having troubles getting to my YSA ward

Post by Roy »

I believe that humans are generally social beings and thrive with a supportive network of social contacts. Therefore I recommend doing some things that might be outside of your comfort zone to develop that social network. It does not need to be related to the church - but it certainly can be!

I remember being at a YSA ward function and feeling so uncomfortable. "I would rather be home playing PS2," I said to myself. I had to push through that lack of comfort to at least be present where I could meet other people. I understand that there are conditions that make being social harder for some than for others. Still, I believe that as humans we generally need social connection.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13
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DarkJedi
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Re: Having troubles getting to my YSA ward

Post by DarkJedi »

nibbler wrote: 07 Oct 2018, 06:26
AzWildCat24 wrote: 06 Oct 2018, 07:37 I also am not your typical Mormon, either. I struggle. I struggle with my faith, I do things I probably shouldn't do. I have a struggle with pornography, I sometimes go purchase stuff on Sunday and I drink energy drinks :o *GASPS* I know, I know it's not that big of a deal but with the LDS community I grew up with this is considered bad. Heck, I have even tried beer once or twice just to see what all the fuss was about when I was down in Tucson. In essence I'm not your typical blond haired, popular, hormone driven Mormon YSA.
You'd be surprised. At church we often put up a façade, bury our true selves to present an image of what we believe others want to see. That can be tough at church, there can be a lot of pressure to conform to be/feel accepted.
We don't only do that at church, although I understand church is the context here. We do it at work, school, in other social gatherings, and many other places as well. In fact, we seem to quite rarely show our true selves.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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