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Re: Can you be "All in?"

Posted: 01 Oct 2018, 08:55
by FaithfulSkeptic
Thanks to all who have contributed to this thread. This has helped me a lot to see things differently and realize that there are many different ways to be "all in." Or not, but still have a choice to be constructively engaged at whatever level makes sense to you.

For example, I am "all in" with trying to be like Jesus. The rest doesn't really matter so much.

Re: Can you be "All in?"

Posted: 02 Oct 2018, 05:32
by SilentDawning
FaithfulSkeptic wrote:
28 Sep 2018, 11:02
The real question he asked me that I've been grappling with is whether I can set aside my doubts and questions, choose to have faith, and be "all in." This is where I would like your help. I've resigned myself to accept that I will never have satisfying "answers" to my questions and doubts about the history or current doctrines/practices of the church. But can I be "all in" in spite of that? That would certainly help with my relationship with my wife.

Can you be "all in?" Or if not, how do you make it work, especially with a believing, orthodox spouse?
I think you can be "all in" behaviorally, but not because you believe it's true.

My way of coping has been to reduce the cost of being a Mormon. Literally, and qualitatively. It sounds like you'll probably have to be all in from a TR perspective to keep your wife happy. And it may be a tougher road now that you have spoken to your Bishop. His questions "have you found something better?" "Have you considered resigning" are disturbing, and he may hold back from giving you a recommend as a result. But if I were you, I'd probably do what is necessary to keep your wife happy. And then put limits on your service. Accept little callings when you feel excited about it, go to the temple when your wife invites you, go to church, be supportive, but find ways of making your life full.

Re: Can you be "All in?"

Posted: 09 Oct 2018, 10:19
by Rumin8
This thread has been fascinating. Thanks to all of you for sharing your thoughts. There are so many uplifting and interesting things to think about on this thread. To the original poster, FaithfulSkeptic, you appear to be "all in" to me. I'm actually in AWE that you do all you do, with the doubts that you have. So many similarities to where I was a number of years ago. Hopefully in time your wife will come around to see what you are doing, and not what you are NOT doing. Hang in there, brother!

I've been thinking a lot about this stuff, as I feel like I always get stirred up around conference time. I can't help it. There are a few talks that are like a salve to my soul. But too many others that make me feel inadequate and that no matter what I do, it will never be enough. I generally avoid GC and follow up on key talks that look interesting later on. This time I listened to most of it live. Mistake.

Usually I am happy that I have doubts and that I don't toe the line. I'm not talking about deliberate disobedience of principles I know to be true, but rather that I have been able to find an equilibrium where I take what I want out of my church membership and minimize the rest. Today I wish that I just believed, and didn't have to wear myself out mentally day after day, week after week, month after month, etc. I feel trapped. I'm exhausted.

It's been a roller coaster last six months. I accepted under duress a major calling 6 months ago where I interact very frequently with the bishop. I helped my son prepare for a mission, ordained him, and attended the temple together. That was a very challenging few weeks for a partial believer. We sent him off to the MTC and however hard I expected that to be, it was so much worse. A month or so back, and for the first time, I laid all my cards on the table with my wife. Full disclosure. It was the scariest thing I have ever done. She didn't throw me out or put any unreasonable demands on me. It used to be that she said I needed to keep a TR no matter what. She has softened on that, thank goodness. We still have a lot of boundaries to set and things to work out, but at least we have a starting place now. So, she's supportive in many ways, yet not in others. My son came home early from his mission. Most days he plans to go back out. Until next spring we are in limbo. I'm supposed to support him going back out when I really don't want to, but I also want him to go and obtain those experiences he can only get by serving a mission. I have to decide if I'm going to renew my TR. It has expired. To stay in my calling I need to renew it. So much stress, so much pressure to conform (I recognize this is mostly self inflicted). Some days it's easy, most days its not.

I love all the blog posts and articles I've seen lately about levels of belief within our church. I about fell out of my chair when I read the blog post on lds.org about the young wife not leaving her husband for the church. Amazing! What uplifting and nuanced views she has! I honestly think the church is losing a lot of the younger generation. They don't believe things in the way older folks do. They consume all things differently. Generational shifts are not a new thing, and sometimes they are more overblown than necessary, but from what I'm seeing and hearing anecdotally, the church needs to figure out how to better reach this next generation and others who are not "all in." That, or accept that the active membership rolls will be much smaller than they ever have been. This is not a problem unique to our church, to be sure.

I'm going to try to apply a principle that has guided me well regarding wealth. I strive to be happy with what I have, knowing there will always be people with more, and always people with less. I think I need to apply this to spiritual matters as well. I need to enjoy where I am in this process as opposed to where I think I want to be, especially when I don't know where I really want to be when things are all said and done.