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Re: Cool Bishop
Posted: 02 Sep 2018, 08:56
by dande48
SilentDawning wrote: ↑02 Sep 2018, 08:02
At the risk of being cynical, I do you think the BP might have just been saying what he has to in order to keep a relationship with your husband?
Would this really be a bad thing? To show empathy and understanding, in order to maintain a relationship with disaffected members? If he was trying to use the friendship to call to repentance, convert, and encourage reactivation, it'd be one thing. But this seems more like friendship for friendship's sake.
Re: Cool Bishop
Posted: 02 Sep 2018, 10:03
by Old-Timer
I say what I have to say (and don't say what I can't say) to keep friendships with pretty much everyone.
Ulterior motives are something else, but being somewhat discrete and discerning in my relationships with others is one reason I am at peace with myself and most others. I don't start fights or arguments unless the issue is so serious I feel I have no other choice. That happens occasionally, but it is rare.
Re: Cool Bishop
Posted: 02 Sep 2018, 10:31
by Roy
We can expect entirely too much from our bishops. I know as a young married person I felt that we were supposed to go to the bishop with our marriage troubles. The sweet old man asked us if we were still having sex. When we responded in the affirmative, he told us he thought we would be just fine - but that he could offer us some visits with a counselor several hours away if we preferred.
Luckily, we were not dealing with anything particularly serious. But I feel for the bishop that has to deal with this:
nibbler wrote: ↑01 Sep 2018, 09:20
When a marriage ends in divorce, or if a husband and wife separate, they should
always receive counseling from Church leaders.
Underlining mine. What should that counseling look like I wonder?
Re: Cool Bishop
Posted: 02 Sep 2018, 14:41
by mom3
At the risk of being cynical, I do you think the BP might have just been saying what he has to in order to keep a relationship with your husband?
I get your cynicism - but the answer is no. The more I learn about this Bishop that isn't his style. He is a safe person for many people - of every different stripe.
My husband was relieved to share his pain with someone and have it go well. They talked about tons of other stuff. It wasn't a church purposed meetings. Today the Bishop stopped and told me how much he loves my husband. My husband has been gone for 10 years. The Bishop gains nothing by keeping a relationship with him.
Re: Cool Bishop
Posted: 03 Sep 2018, 11:46
by SilentDawning
nibbler wrote: ↑01 Sep 2018, 09:20
When a marriage ends in divorce, or if a husband and wife separate, they should
always receive counseling from Church leaders.
roy wrote:
Underlining mine. What should that counseling look like I wonder?
They aren't counselors and they don't have a clue. It's all autobiographical based on their knowledge and life experience. If you are in marital crisis, you need a professional counselor, and half the time THEY aren't very helpful easier. Believe, me, I know, I've attended marriage counselors before and most have been downright useless.
If you're divorced or separated, they are useful for helping you understand the rules to stay off discipline, but the rest, it's just some guy shooting from the hip.
The best counselor I ever had was the author of this book here, and I've never met him:
https://www.amazon.com/His-Needs-Her-Bu ... +Her+Needs
And his other book
https://www.amazon.com/Love-Busters-Rep ... ve+Busters
Re: Cool Bishop
Posted: 03 Sep 2018, 18:01
by SamBee
I believe that most people can offer some degree of counsel, if they have a degree of compassion. Having used professional counselors and chewed the ears of a few friends, I have to admit sometimes the friends help me more sometimes.
Bishops offering counseling? I think they can help to some degree. True, they aren't trained, but like I say compassion is the main thing, probably followed by tact and diplomacy.
The harder, deeper problems probably need professional counseling. Our bishop actually suggested a professional marriage counselor to a couple I know. If they had taken his advice on that, I believe they might still be together and not divorcing. But they didn't and things deteriorated.
Oh and the best therapist I ever came across? LDS. Head and shoulders above the rest. (Although my last therapistwas excellent too.) I am still stunned by his intuition - he guessed a couple of things about me without me even telling him, e.g. my family situation. Unfortunately, he isn't based round here.
Re: Cool Bishop
Posted: 04 Sep 2018, 06:38
by AmyJ
My family has some additional needs that make me leery of bothering the church leadership, so I don't. I know our branch president is a compassionate sort, but I don't feel that the help he could give us is worth his time, the time spent from his family, and our resources. Since coming here, I realized that "social currency" and "leadership roulette" are real concepts that no one at church talks about - and I don't want to spend social currency or deal with unforeseen church circumstances. Plus, my husband gets a lot of flack for being a stay-at-home dad sometimes in EQ (not so much in this branch) - so he is also essentially leery of being told that everything would work out if he just went to work full time.
Adopting specific descriptions for physical and mental health have helped us identify common pitfalls shared by these groups of people and allowed us to revise our expectations of each other. It has helped us to develop better communication protocols and draw closer together.
<takes off the rose colored glasses>
Some days (and hours) are better than others. The struggle is real and painful sometimes. We have our fair share of silences, fierce words, and misunderstandings. BUT, we reach out one more time, find words to bridge the communication gaps, and show love towards each other.
Re: Cool Bishop
Posted: 04 Sep 2018, 11:23
by Roy
AmyJ wrote: ↑04 Sep 2018, 06:38
Some days (and hours) are better than others. The struggle is real and painful sometimes. We have our fair share of silences, fierce words, and misunderstandings. BUT, we reach out one more time, find words to bridge the communication gaps, and show love towards each other.
Amen!