Cool Bishop

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
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dande48
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Re: Cool Bishop

Post by dande48 » 02 Sep 2018, 08:56

SilentDawning wrote:
02 Sep 2018, 08:02
At the risk of being cynical, I do you think the BP might have just been saying what he has to in order to keep a relationship with your husband?
Would this really be a bad thing? To show empathy and understanding, in order to maintain a relationship with disaffected members? If he was trying to use the friendship to call to repentance, convert, and encourage reactivation, it'd be one thing. But this seems more like friendship for friendship's sake.
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Curt Sunshine
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Re: Cool Bishop

Post by Curt Sunshine » 02 Sep 2018, 10:03

I say what I have to say (and don't say what I can't say) to keep friendships with pretty much everyone.

Ulterior motives are something else, but being somewhat discrete and discerning in my relationships with others is one reason I am at peace with myself and most others. I don't start fights or arguments unless the issue is so serious I feel I have no other choice. That happens occasionally, but it is rare.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

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Roy
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Re: Cool Bishop

Post by Roy » 02 Sep 2018, 10:31

We can expect entirely too much from our bishops. I know as a young married person I felt that we were supposed to go to the bishop with our marriage troubles. The sweet old man asked us if we were still having sex. When we responded in the affirmative, he told us he thought we would be just fine - but that he could offer us some visits with a counselor several hours away if we preferred.

Luckily, we were not dealing with anything particularly serious. But I feel for the bishop that has to deal with this:
nibbler wrote:
01 Sep 2018, 09:20
When a marriage ends in divorce, or if a husband and wife separate, they should always receive counseling from Church leaders.


Underlining mine. What should that counseling look like I wonder?
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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mom3
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Re: Cool Bishop

Post by mom3 » 02 Sep 2018, 14:41

At the risk of being cynical, I do you think the BP might have just been saying what he has to in order to keep a relationship with your husband?
I get your cynicism - but the answer is no. The more I learn about this Bishop that isn't his style. He is a safe person for many people - of every different stripe.

My husband was relieved to share his pain with someone and have it go well. They talked about tons of other stuff. It wasn't a church purposed meetings. Today the Bishop stopped and told me how much he loves my husband. My husband has been gone for 10 years. The Bishop gains nothing by keeping a relationship with him.
"I stayed because it was God and Jesus Christ that I wanted to follow and be like, not individual human beings." Chieko Okazaki Dialogue interview

"I am coming to envision a new persona for the Church as humble followers of Jesus Christ....Joseph and his early followers came forth with lots of triumphalist rhetoric, but I think we need a new voice, one of humility, friendship and service. We should teach people to believe in God because it will soften their hearts and make them more willing to serve." - Richard Bushman

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SilentDawning
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Re: Cool Bishop

Post by SilentDawning » 03 Sep 2018, 11:46

nibbler wrote:
01 Sep 2018, 09:20
When a marriage ends in divorce, or if a husband and wife separate, they should always receive counseling from Church leaders.

roy wrote: Underlining mine. What should that counseling look like I wonder?
They aren't counselors and they don't have a clue. It's all autobiographical based on their knowledge and life experience. If you are in marital crisis, you need a professional counselor, and half the time THEY aren't very helpful easier. Believe, me, I know, I've attended marriage counselors before and most have been downright useless.

If you're divorced or separated, they are useful for helping you understand the rules to stay off discipline, but the rest, it's just some guy shooting from the hip.

The best counselor I ever had was the author of this book here, and I've never met him:

https://www.amazon.com/His-Needs-Her-Bu ... +Her+Needs

And his other book

https://www.amazon.com/Love-Busters-Rep ... ve+Busters
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

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SamBee
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Re: Cool Bishop

Post by SamBee » 03 Sep 2018, 18:01

I believe that most people can offer some degree of counsel, if they have a degree of compassion. Having used professional counselors and chewed the ears of a few friends, I have to admit sometimes the friends help me more sometimes.

Bishops offering counseling? I think they can help to some degree. True, they aren't trained, but like I say compassion is the main thing, probably followed by tact and diplomacy.

The harder, deeper problems probably need professional counseling. Our bishop actually suggested a professional marriage counselor to a couple I know. If they had taken his advice on that, I believe they might still be together and not divorcing. But they didn't and things deteriorated.

Oh and the best therapist I ever came across? LDS. Head and shoulders above the rest. (Although my last therapistwas excellent too.) I am still stunned by his intuition - he guessed a couple of things about me without me even telling him, e.g. my family situation. Unfortunately, he isn't based round here.
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

AmyJ
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Re: Cool Bishop

Post by AmyJ » 04 Sep 2018, 06:38

My family has some additional needs that make me leery of bothering the church leadership, so I don't. I know our branch president is a compassionate sort, but I don't feel that the help he could give us is worth his time, the time spent from his family, and our resources. Since coming here, I realized that "social currency" and "leadership roulette" are real concepts that no one at church talks about - and I don't want to spend social currency or deal with unforeseen church circumstances. Plus, my husband gets a lot of flack for being a stay-at-home dad sometimes in EQ (not so much in this branch) - so he is also essentially leery of being told that everything would work out if he just went to work full time.

Adopting specific descriptions for physical and mental health have helped us identify common pitfalls shared by these groups of people and allowed us to revise our expectations of each other. It has helped us to develop better communication protocols and draw closer together.

<takes off the rose colored glasses>

Some days (and hours) are better than others. The struggle is real and painful sometimes. We have our fair share of silences, fierce words, and misunderstandings. BUT, we reach out one more time, find words to bridge the communication gaps, and show love towards each other.

Roy
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Re: Cool Bishop

Post by Roy » 04 Sep 2018, 11:23

AmyJ wrote:
04 Sep 2018, 06:38
Some days (and hours) are better than others. The struggle is real and painful sometimes. We have our fair share of silences, fierce words, and misunderstandings. BUT, we reach out one more time, find words to bridge the communication gaps, and show love towards each other.
Amen!
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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