AmyJ wrote: ↑
30 May 2018, 11:12
hful Believer Doing Their Best" is going to be my attitude.
Can you guys help me tell him what he needs to know to be of most help for me please? I don't want to give the guy a lecture on my life, but I do want to include what he needs to know.
Amy, you're right in your belief that the Branch President is limited as a source of help. And he's downright dangerous to your positivity about the church if you share everything with him that you mentioned. For me, the really important conversation and action needs to happen at home with your husband. It's your hubby who is driving this because he's in conflict with your beliefs, and if there has been talk of the d-word, then I think you need to treat this as a marital crisis. And it's time to figure out how to best meet your husband's needs, while maintaining your inner peace. You may reconcile, but if this is a lingering problem then it may well blow up eventually.
This might mean sacrifice, but we believe in sacrificing things for the things we love. I suggest figuring out how to shelter your husband from non-TBM attitudes and ideals. That is what i do. We never talk about my problems with the church -- I tried a few times and I could see that going down that path was going to do nothing but hurt our relationship. So I mediate between my unorthodoxy and the need to be as TBM as she needs me to be.
If I were you, I'd meet with the BP but keep it really vague. Hope he just sluffs you off to a marriage counselor. Be positive about the church, and start with all the things you like about the church. If there isn't anything that comes to mind immediately, then brainstorm until you have a few things-- even if they are practical in nature. Try to get through the meeting without exposing anything that will make him take your TR away, and doubt, or contrarion attitudes might cause that, I don't know. For some leaders it's a given, other leaders understand completely.
At the same time, figure out his most important, non-religious emotional needs and do your absolute best to meet those needs even better than you do now. www.marriagebuilders.com
has an Emotional Needs Questionnaire you might consider doing to unearth these needs -- you might think you know them, but you'd be surprised.
And of course, your needs are important too. I've had to sacrifice most of mine in our marriage, sadly, but when it comes to the church, my needs have to go unexpressed unfortunately, so long as I meet minimum standards of going to church, holding a calling and being generally supportive of my wife and family. But have the conversation in the context of mutual needs. I'm not blaming the victim here, but the reality is that your husband is bothered by your church orientation, and sadly, if he won't accept the unorthodox path, then divorce could be on the horizon....you have to do what is necessary to keep the spouse happy without making yourself miserable...