Hard to believe God is that cruel !

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
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Re: Hard to believe God is that cruel !

Post by dande48 » 14 May 2018, 21:18

I'm so happy to hear everything is looking better with your marriage. I think that is a very brave, kind, empathic approach your wife has taken. I once told my wife that, once upon a time, it would've completely broken my heart to even think about my spouse leaving the Church. I hope you let her know often how much her decision means to you.
Rebel wrote:
14 May 2018, 17:11
I am enjoying being a non member but have noticed some shunning at ⛪ Thoughts ?
It's to be expected, I think; I've felt shunned more than my fair share too. I'm not sure how much the ward knows about your situation, but rumor gets around. I'm sure the bishopbric and ward council doesn't know what do to with you. If you're choosing to distance yourself, it's going to be tough to build up any strong relationships. More often than not, people will think of you how they think you think of them. You can always ask to be added to the EQ email list, and sign up for service opportunities. If you're up for it, try going to ward activities and get-togethers. Relationships are a two way street.
Last edited by dande48 on 15 May 2018, 05:27, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Hard to believe God is that cruel !

Post by nibbler » 15 May 2018, 04:51

Rebel wrote:
14 May 2018, 17:11
I am enjoying being a non member but have noticed some shunning at ⛪ Thoughts ?
Dande said what I'd say, that relationships are a two way street. My experience when I cut back activity levels was that:
  • I was shunned a little by the community.
  • I felt shunned by the community. The distinction here being that perhaps I wasn't being actively shunned by others but because I knew I was different than before I felt all the relationships had all changed. In other words I thought that people would shun a person in my situation, so I began to feel like I was shunned.
  • I was shunning the community a little myself.
There was some mix of shunning in both directions and there was also some perceived shunning where perhaps there was none. And I think shunning is perhaps too strong a word, at least in my case. It was more like a natural reduction in relationships due to growing in different directions.

In trying to come up with an example outside the context of church, it's like going to a RC airplane flying group. At first you enjoy it, after years the expenses get to be too much, you grow bored with the hobby, you want to pursue another hobby, etc. You start showing up to the RC airplane meetings with no plane, you get really bored watching others fly their plane, and you grow tired of the conversation during the meetings being laser focused on RC plane parts and RC equipment.

If you're showing up to the RC meetings and not participating in the flying or the discussion, you may start to feel a growing distance between you and the rest of the group. The rest of the group may not be actively shunning you, it's just a natural byproduct. Fly RC planes less? Feel like less of an RC flyer.

That's kind of how it feels at church. Opt out of holding two and three callings, HT/VT, etc., lose interest in the laser focused conversations on shared beliefs and the restoration narrative... remove those things and there's very little left to the Mormon culture. Church becomes a niche hobby club where you don't share the hobby.

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Re: Hard to believe God is that cruel !

Post by SamBee » 15 May 2018, 11:49

I think the church is right about agency. You have your agency and she has hers, regardless of whether this is right or wrong.
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

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