Home Teaching is Over, Long Live Home Teaching?

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
AmyJ
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Re: Home Teaching is Over, Long Live Home Teaching?

Post by AmyJ » 23 Apr 2018, 07:24

nibbler wrote:
23 Apr 2018, 06:45
I like the idea of erasing the lines between the EQ and RS, making sure everyone is covered by someone in either group and having less overlap.

It would be nice if we took the approach of allowing people to do things however they'd like instead of presenting one model for everyone to follow.

E.g. if you want an in-home visit with a message here are the people that are willing to do regular in-home visits with a message.

If you want to opt out of visits and visiting you can.

If you want to to choose your companion you can.

Etc.

In other words, let the people own the program, not the traditional method of HT/VT where the program owns the people.
I keep waiting for the branch to realize that if my husband is going to minister, it is because I am his companion period.
[I don't mind this because I love him, I know what he is capable of comfortably doing, what he is likely to uncomfortably do, and I see his track record. He ministered with me a few times over the last year because I was setting it up and he felt more comfortable going with me. I guess I am expecting people to take it in stride and work with it with a matter of fact attitude rather then hem and haw and judge that I am overruling my husband.]

When I poke around it in conversations with people, I get a few uncomfortable looks and some "we have to organize the EQ" hemming and hawing. My husband mentioned bringing it up in one of his meetings as an executive secretary with similar results.

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SilentDawning
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Re: Home Teaching is Over, Long Live Home Teaching?

Post by SilentDawning » 23 Apr 2018, 09:10

I like this mission statement of sorts:
Ministering is Christlike caring for others and helping meet their spiritual and temporal needs.
from the FP letter.

If that is the case -- would this be ministering?

A family approached me because their son is really interested in music. They bought him an instrument and tried to get him into band in his school (he's 12) Band director said he has to take serious lessons from someone or he can't be let into the band. Family can't afford it. So I offered for the kid to play with my own band a couple songs, after a lesson this week. It won't be ongoing free lessons, but at least he'll get something to keep the fire lit.

Is that ministering?
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"Stage 5 is where you no longer believe the gospel as its literally or traditionally taught. Nonetheless, you find your own way to be active and at peace within it". -- SD

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1576

AmyJ
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Re: Home Teaching is Over, Long Live Home Teaching?

Post by AmyJ » 23 Apr 2018, 09:17

SilentDawning wrote:
23 Apr 2018, 09:10
Is that ministering?
Why wouldn't that be ministering?
You are helping someone improve themselves and connect with you.

The question is, do you want this ministering to continue, or be a one-off?

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dande48
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Re: Home Teaching is Over, Long Live Home Teaching?

Post by dande48 » 23 Apr 2018, 09:56

SilentDawning wrote:
23 Apr 2018, 09:10
Is that ministering?
It doesn't matter what you call it; I think it's a very kind thing to do.
"The whole world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel." - Horace Walpole

"Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure."
-Lemony Snicket

Roy
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Re: Home Teaching is Over, Long Live Home Teaching?

Post by Roy » 23 Apr 2018, 10:07

SilentDawning wrote:
23 Apr 2018, 09:10
Is that ministering?
One of my "ministering" families has a daughter. My daughter and her daughter both love a Lego expansion called Lego elves. Although there is an age gap I invited this girl over to our house to play for an hour. I heard through my wife (who later talked to the mother) that the girl had a great time and wants to come back.

This is how I prefer to minister because this is how I would prefer to be ministered (I am sure there is a lesson in that). If my children feel accepted, engaged, and socially connected (church friends) - then I am hooked. :D
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

AmyJ
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Re: Home Teaching is Over, Long Live Home Teaching?

Post by AmyJ » 23 Apr 2018, 10:29

Roy wrote:
23 Apr 2018, 10:07
SilentDawning wrote:
23 Apr 2018, 09:10
Is that ministering?
One of my "ministering" families has a daughter. My daughter and her daughter both love a Lego expansion called Lego elves. Although there is an age gap I invited this girl over to our house to play for an hour. I heard through my wife (who later talked to the mother) that the girl had a great time and wants to come back.

This is how I prefer to minister because this is how I would prefer to be ministered (I am sure there is a lesson in that). If my children feel accepted, engaged, and socially connected (church friends) - then I am hooked. :D
Perfect!

I wrote a list of the needs/righteous wants of my family and whom we could minister to as a family (mostly from a here-are-the-ministering-relationships-already-active-you-might-want-to-make-those-official perspective) and sent it to my R.S. presidency. [1. They are my "direct contacts" 2. I could depend on them to do something useful with the information.]

I would love to have people minister to my daughter like this socially, but I don't think is going to happen. The 2 girls within a year of my oldest have 2x her social poise and live in the same neighborhood. We live 30 minutes away and my daughter does not interact the way that is acceptable to these girls, so watching them becomes a parallel play situation/an-ignore-my-daughter-situation. Both girls are sweet, and their parents are good members with more traditional child development processes at play. I love them for the good they do, and mourn for the understanding that is missing.

However, we have a member of the branch we call "Grandma N." [the name has been shortened to protect the guilty angel] who spirits my daughter away to hang with her for 4-6 or more hours a quarter OF HER OWN CHOICE, who reminds us that she WANTS to babysit so that my husband and I can get away sometimes. This grandma know that my daughter is "quirky" and knows of some of the descriptions surrounding that, but she chooses to see my daughter for who she is and celebrate her with us. Grandma N. TOLD me when I was preparing to deliver #2 that I could call on her any time day or night - that she was half EXPECTING a nighttime phone call/having us drop my oldest off at her house in the middle of the night - and that she wanted to be there for us in that circumstance. And when called her at 5:45 PM from the ambulance, she came and picked up my oldest from our house so that my mother-in-law could go to hospital to sit with the baby and my husband and she babysat her for 24 hours.

My personal minister for a good year became my friend because I had the courage to ask her to come pick out maternity clothes from the thrift store with me. I needed some maternity clothes, and was very cautious/insecure with bearing the baby because I had had a miscarriage the last time. This sister was the most bubbly/good excitement person I knew, and I needed that. Of course she was thrilled to come (shopping + new baby = fun), and we formed an unusual but good friendship. She implied that I was good to be with because of my unique sense of humor and outtake on life - I needed her life experiences and enthusiasm/fun. We made time once-a-month by phone, and went thrift store shopping 1x a quarter together. She became my de facto Visiting Teacher until she had the audacity to move out of the state in January. She suffered my oldest to come with us the last few times we went thrift store shopping, and patiently replied back to my daughter about trying on shoes while I found some jeans that were my size (losing an additional 20 lbs of pre-baby mass will make it so your clothes don't fit properly). I still miss her.

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SilentDawning
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Re: Home Teaching is Over, Long Live Home Teaching?

Post by SilentDawning » 23 Apr 2018, 10:45

My analytical mind is now asking how to define "needs". Some people don't have significant needs, or may have needs that aren't practical to meet by the church membership. If you go looking for needs, you'll often find your schedule is full.

And real needs only come forward when you have a trusting relationship, as Roy mentioned. So I'm sorting through what needs are...

I know my needs -- to be left alone in in my unorthodoxy, not to be set apart in a calling, and to feel I'm part of the community. I personally like having a relationship with someone I find interesting to talk to. But if left unmet, the latter two needs aren't critical.

The leaders would say I need to get more active, come to church more often, taken on a calling and get a TR. If they do that, they are only annoying me....

Strange minefield these needs things are. I think a better mission statement would be to:

"Create a charitable, zion-like community where people feel loved, supported, accepted, and motivated to come unto Christ".

It used to be you went to people's homes to find out if they were active and if they wanted visits. If you go there to show charity and kindness, to help people feel accepted no matter WHAT their church position is, this sets you up to help them with coming unto Christ. The supported part covers the temporal side of things, I think.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"Stage 5 is where you no longer believe the gospel as its literally or traditionally taught. Nonetheless, you find your own way to be active and at peace within it". -- SD

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1576

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DarkJedi
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Re: Home Teaching is Over, Long Live Home Teaching?

Post by DarkJedi » 23 Apr 2018, 10:57

SD, I think often the need is just to have someone you can relax with for a few minutes. That's all part of the relationship/trust thing to some extent. I look forward to inviting my ministering elder (actually they're a couple, our ward has done this for awhile) over to dinner and just chatting - no lesson, no worry about if it's the last Sunday of the last month of the quarter. Just enjoy dinner and chat, maybe about church things, maybe not.

I think a lot of needs could be psycho-social. My MIL, for example, lives alone in an elderly housing complex and is essentially homebound. There are a few neighbors she chats with. Her only real need is friendship/fellowship. The best minister for her would be someone who could stop by once a week or so and just chat for an hour. Unfortunately I'm not sure the revised program really will cater to her needs - but given the right people it could.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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SilentDawning
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Re: Home Teaching is Over, Long Live Home Teaching?

Post by SilentDawning » 23 Apr 2018, 11:20

DarkJedi wrote:
23 Apr 2018, 10:57
SD, I think often the need is just to have someone you can relax with for a few minutes. That's all part of the relationship/trust thing to some extent. I look forward to inviting my ministering elder (actually they're a couple, our ward has done this for awhile) over to dinner and just chatting - no lesson, no worry about if it's the last Sunday of the last month of the quarter. Just enjoy dinner and chat, maybe about church things, maybe not.

I think a lot of needs could be psycho-social. My MIL, for example, lives alone in an elderly housing complex and is essentially homebound. There are a few neighbors she chats with. Her only real need is friendship/fellowship. The best minister for her would be someone who could stop by once a week or so and just chat for an hour. Unfortunately I'm not sure the revised program really will cater to her needs - but given the right people it could.
I almost see how needs are met as something you sense, or specifically ask for. Then you have to decide if it's something you can do. If not, get it reassigned, or tell the person what you can do....

The part that gets me is that we are not counting visits -- it's whether needs are taken care of. What do you say at the door of an inactive family? Hi, I'm here just to connect -- can we visit a few minutes? You can't just say "Hi, I'm your minister what are your temporal or spiritual needs right now?"

Makes it tough to know what to say at the door.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"Stage 5 is where you no longer believe the gospel as its literally or traditionally taught. Nonetheless, you find your own way to be active and at peace within it". -- SD

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1576

AmyJ
Posts: 631
Joined: 27 Jul 2017, 05:50

Re: Home Teaching is Over, Long Live Home Teaching?

Post by AmyJ » 23 Apr 2018, 11:29

SilentDawning wrote:
23 Apr 2018, 11:20
The part that gets me is that we are not counting visits -- it's whether needs are taken care of. What do you say at the door of an inactive family? Hi, I'm here just to connect -- can we visit a few minutes? You can't just say "Hi, I'm your minister what are your temporal or spiritual needs right now?"

Makes it tough to know what to say at the door.
I think I would say, "Hi, what little we know about you from church makes it so that I wanted to come over and get to know you because we might have a lot in common and could be friends."

Of course this runs the risk of them saying "No" and possibly letting the dogs out.

Actually, I reach out to people like this on Facebook first and see they will befriend me. Then we see what happens...

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