It is funny. I could write a whole post on that- tattoos on islanders are accepted because they're a part of the culture, but tattoos are not considered part of our modern culture despite 40% of 19-35 year olds having tattoos. The propaganda that everyone who gets one regrets it, that they're all ugly and defilement, that someone using their agency and good judgement to get one must be disrespecting themselves and God to get a tattoo, and will be reminded of their regret every day is all pretty frustrating. My tattoos represent my marriage and my place in the universe. I thoughtfully selected an artist and the art itself, and cared for my tattoos carefully so they healed well. I think they're beautiful, and symbolic, and all-around fantastic. I'm reminded every day of the things they represent. That being said, I do understand the knee-jerk reaction of members towards tattoos, because I used to react the same- but my opinions change long before anything resembling a FC. (My sister, who doesn't know about my FC but knows about my tattoos, is certain that a tattoo is the first step on the path to apostasy, where I was well-into my FC before I considered one.)dande48 wrote: ↑15 Apr 2018, 16:51Getting tattoos is one of those few "mormon-standards" that does not keep you from getting a temple recommend. With that in mind, it's funny that people place such a huge emphasis on it. Maybe it's because the more apparent the sin, the easier it is to focus on it.
Turning away unexpected visitors is so hard for me- I'm predisposed to trying not to offend, and I'm a friendly person by nature. I guess if I want boundaries, though, I'm going to have to enforce them even when it's uncomfortable.dande48 wrote: ↑15 Apr 2018, 16:51On setting boundaries, I think it's important to be clear and explicit. If those boundaries aren't respected, it's one of the few times where it's okay to get a little mad. Make sure they understand that breaking the boundaries you have set is unacceptable, and you won't tolerate it. If they show up on Sunday unannounced, kick them out. If they keep pushing, after getting a clear answer, walk away. While I am an advocate of being kind whenever possible, and especially don't feel it's right to be rude to a well-intentioned member who didn't know better, those who have been given clear boundaries should respect those boundaries.
Explicitness is the key. If you give someone wiggle-room, they are going to wiggle. You're free to give them exactly as much detail as you want, and if they press for details you don't want to give, stick to your guns. You always have the option of walking away, and don't have to attend any meeting you don't want to be a part of.
Avoidance is an option- not answering phonecalls, not answering the door, but it's not something I've liked doing unless I've had something preventing me from doing so (i.e., taking a shower, being in a meeting, etc.) The past-9pm knock-on-the-door was so startling, we thought certainly there was a wreck just outside or something else was wrong (we live on a busy corner). I don't have a peep-hole in the door, maybe it's time to invest!