Beginning the process of "coming out"

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Beefster
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Joined: 04 Aug 2017, 18:38

Beginning the process of "coming out"

Post by Beefster » 08 Apr 2018, 21:55

If my parental confrontation taught me anything, it's that opening up isn't so bad. I'm slowly going to be letting more people into my FC, starting with a former roommate just now and my oldest brother earlier today.

The rest of my college friend group is next. :D
Boys are governed by rules. Men are governed by principles.

Sometimes our journeys take us to unexpected places. That is a truly beautiful thing.

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SilentDawning
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Re: Beginning the process of "coming out"

Post by SilentDawning » 08 Apr 2018, 22:47

You're scaring the pants off me. I will be interested to see how it goes...
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"Stage 5 is where you no longer believe the gospel as its literally or traditionally taught. Nonetheless, you find your own way to be active and at peace within it". -- SD

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1576

AmyJ
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Joined: 27 Jul 2017, 05:50

Re: Beginning the process of "coming out"

Post by AmyJ » 09 Apr 2018, 05:58

I admire your courage to open up to those important to you. I know it was not an easy decision. I am glad that the consequences have mostly been positive for you.

My goal right now is to simply "be" in my beliefs. There is a lot to think about, ponder over, and conclude. But no decisions have to be made now, or made in haste. My other goal is to honest to the point in my fluctuating beliefs where if/when I decide that I need a break from church or other expectations, my actions will show that I had "traded up" in my life choices, and I wasn't being "led astray" or "away from the iron rod" (even though technically I sorta am - it's complicated). Silent Dawning taught me to count and count again the consequences of sharing information with others who may not be in a position to sustain a faith transition as part of their narrative about how the world works.

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Beefster
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Re: Beginning the process of "coming out"

Post by Beefster » 09 Apr 2018, 07:52

SD: Ha. It's going to take a while before I can open up to my bishop, if I ever do. I can tell he truly cares, but I'm not totally sure I can trust him yet.
Boys are governed by rules. Men are governed by principles.

Sometimes our journeys take us to unexpected places. That is a truly beautiful thing.

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SilentDawning
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Joined: 09 May 2010, 19:55

Re: Beginning the process of "coming out"

Post by SilentDawning » 09 Apr 2018, 08:05

Beefster wrote:
09 Apr 2018, 07:52
SD: Ha. It's going to take a while before I can open up to my bishop, if I ever do. I can tell he truly cares, but I'm not totally sure I can trust him yet.
You don't know if you can trust him. And even if you can, he's got organizational imperatives to live with. Another problem is the fact that your story, complex, laden with detail, caveats, etcetera, will get watered down into a one-liner and passed on to the SP, to follow you whereever you move. And if you are transient now, being young and single, if you open up to other PH leaders later in life, the same thing will happen in new stakes.

If your experience is like mine, there may even be pejorative stuff said about you in meetings with leaders present. then they are nice to your face. And that hurts the situation further, as you feel you've lost your community. It's better to be an enigma, I think.

SD
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"Stage 5 is where you no longer believe the gospel as its literally or traditionally taught. Nonetheless, you find your own way to be active and at peace within it". -- SD

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1576

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dande48
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Location: Wherever there is danger

Re: Beginning the process of "coming out"

Post by dande48 » 09 Apr 2018, 08:56

In my experience, most fear and anxiety comes from what we worry might happen. Once the deed is one, even if things don't go well, a lot of that stress evaporates.
"The whole world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel." - Horace Walpole

"Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure."
-Lemony Snicket

Roy
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Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Beginning the process of "coming out"

Post by Roy » 09 Apr 2018, 11:53

I would avoid full disclosure to your bishop unless you have a specific idea in mind for what you hope to gain.

I believe in a spectrum of getting the full and unfiltered Roy. On one end of the spectrum is my wife. She receives the most unfiltered (within reason and tact) access to who I am and where I stand. Next come my parents, then perhaps siblings and friends. Eventually we come to people at church. I classify my bishop, my boss, and my parents-in-law close to the other end of the spectrum. There is a high degree of filtering with that group.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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Holy Cow
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Location: Las Vegas

Re: Beginning the process of "coming out"

Post by Holy Cow » 10 Apr 2018, 20:38

Very glad to hear that the 'coming out' process has been a smooth one so far. Good luck, man!
I've been very grateful that I've 'come out' to everybody I know. I can live my life without feeling any need whatsoever to 'keep up appearances.' I've 'come out' to five different bishops, and have had five good experiences. Full disclosure with my wife was, by far, the most difficult part of the coming out process, and nearly resulted in our divorce. However, with the help of some very good marriage counseling, and a lot of focus on our marriage, we've come through the other end closer than we were before. I've also come out with my family, my in-laws, my friends... basically anybody who might happen to mention the church. I don't want my wife to feel like she has to cover for me, so I'm just completely open about it. I'm very open about it at church. It confuses some people that I'm in church every week, when I willingly admit that I'm not 'all in.' I was able to baptize my daughter, but not bestow the HG (which I didn't consider to be a big deal anyway). If my son ever decides to get the priesthood, I'll be happy to watch my father confer the priesthood. It's been a breath of fresh air to have a relationship with God that is completely free from the encumbrances of the church. I still enjoy going to church, but it's mostly for the social aspect. The EQ is familiar with where I stand with things, and I'm still a welcome member of the quorum. So, in short, the 'coming out' process doesn't have to be as scary as we sometimes make it out to be. Not to take away from those who have had bad experiences, because I know there are plenty of those as well! But, I think it's also important for us to be open to the fact that not every 'outing' will be negative. The more open I am about exactly who I am and what I believe, the more welcome I feel I can be welcomed for myself, no strings attached.
I wish you the best of luck going forward, Beefster. I hope it continues to going smoothly for you. :thumbup:
My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=6139

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