Re: Stage 4 Grief/Mourning
Posted: 09 Apr 2018, 06:24
In this post when I refer to family I refer to my pre-marriage family and extended family.
I come from a small family. Incredibly small compared to typical Mormon families. In the last 9 years over half of my family members have died. Hey, silver lining, that also means I've been relatively shielded from death for most of my life.
I'm the only LDS church member in my family but everyone is some flavor of Christian... I think. After each death all the survivors have had to deal with death in our own way. Mostly I've seen that people's beliefs help alleviate their fears. Mostly fears of losing loved ones forever and surprisingly to a much lesser degree fears of what will happen to ourselves when we pass away.
I've found that working within the belief structure of the person grieving to be the most helpful. Remind them of aspects of their own faith that bring them comfort, even if I don't happen to share the belief.
I'm not sure how to feel about death, it depends on the day, but right now I've landed on choosing to believe that there is no life after death. That's what currently brings me the most comfort... I guess. I don't know. I guess it doesn't matter. Death will take us all regardless of my feelings about it.
Earlier I mentioned that I try to comfort people by reminding them of their faith. I'm not sure of the best way for people to comfort me... or for me to find comfort for that matter. All the talk of people being in a better place, that eternally speaking it's not really a loss... hearing that may cause more harm than good if I'm in the wrong mood.
It's hard for me to conceive of a life after death... some things need to end and I'm not sure how a life after death would accomplish that. I try to take a more worry about it when it gets here approach.
I come from a small family. Incredibly small compared to typical Mormon families. In the last 9 years over half of my family members have died. Hey, silver lining, that also means I've been relatively shielded from death for most of my life.
I'm the only LDS church member in my family but everyone is some flavor of Christian... I think. After each death all the survivors have had to deal with death in our own way. Mostly I've seen that people's beliefs help alleviate their fears. Mostly fears of losing loved ones forever and surprisingly to a much lesser degree fears of what will happen to ourselves when we pass away.
I've found that working within the belief structure of the person grieving to be the most helpful. Remind them of aspects of their own faith that bring them comfort, even if I don't happen to share the belief.
I'm not sure how to feel about death, it depends on the day, but right now I've landed on choosing to believe that there is no life after death. That's what currently brings me the most comfort... I guess. I don't know. I guess it doesn't matter. Death will take us all regardless of my feelings about it.
Earlier I mentioned that I try to comfort people by reminding them of their faith. I'm not sure of the best way for people to comfort me... or for me to find comfort for that matter. All the talk of people being in a better place, that eternally speaking it's not really a loss... hearing that may cause more harm than good if I'm in the wrong mood.
It's hard for me to conceive of a life after death... some things need to end and I'm not sure how a life after death would accomplish that. I try to take a more worry about it when it gets here approach.