Stage 4 Grief/Mourning

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
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nibbler
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Re: Stage 4 Grief/Mourning

Post by nibbler » 09 Apr 2018, 06:24

In this post when I refer to family I refer to my pre-marriage family and extended family.

I come from a small family. Incredibly small compared to typical Mormon families. In the last 9 years over half of my family members have died. Hey, silver lining, that also means I've been relatively shielded from death for most of my life.

I'm the only LDS church member in my family but everyone is some flavor of Christian... I think. After each death all the survivors have had to deal with death in our own way. Mostly I've seen that people's beliefs help alleviate their fears. Mostly fears of losing loved ones forever and surprisingly to a much lesser degree fears of what will happen to ourselves when we pass away.

I've found that working within the belief structure of the person grieving to be the most helpful. Remind them of aspects of their own faith that bring them comfort, even if I don't happen to share the belief.

I'm not sure how to feel about death, it depends on the day, but right now I've landed on choosing to believe that there is no life after death. That's what currently brings me the most comfort... I guess. I don't know. I guess it doesn't matter. Death will take us all regardless of my feelings about it.

Earlier I mentioned that I try to comfort people by reminding them of their faith. I'm not sure of the best way for people to comfort me... or for me to find comfort for that matter. All the talk of people being in a better place, that eternally speaking it's not really a loss... hearing that may cause more harm than good if I'm in the wrong mood.

It's hard for me to conceive of a life after death... some things need to end and I'm not sure how a life after death would accomplish that. I try to take a more worry about it when it gets here approach.
You can't just have your characters announce how they feel... that makes me feel ANGRY!
— Robot Devil

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BeJoyful
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Re: Stage 4 Grief/Mourning

Post by BeJoyful » 15 Apr 2018, 13:39


On Own Now wrote: What I would add to that today is that I believe the only way we live on is in the memory of our loved-ones. My dad lives on in my memory. At first, one thing that really struck me about losing my dad was that there were so many experiences that only he and I shared and now I was the only one left who remembered them. But now, I am grateful that I do remember them, because as long as I do, then they are a part of true history. After I can no longer remember, those experiences will be lost forever... but for now they still exist.

I want to make sure that I'm worth remembering someday for the people I love. That will be my afterlife.
Have you seen the movie "Coco"? The whole concept of living on through memories of others really resonated with me.



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BeJoyful
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Re: Stage 4 Grief/Mourning

Post by BeJoyful » 15 Apr 2018, 14:05

I had an amazing seminary teacher who was a scientist. I am not a scientist, so if I misquote her, blame the messenger, not the source.
She discussed the idea of "light" being treated mathematically like "matter", and compared spirit to light. How when we're full of testimony or happiness, people often reference terms like "glowing", and when someone is scary, they're described as having a dark countenance.
She brought up that most ghost stories that talk about family members reference light, while encounters with "evil" talk about shadows.
Her idea was that scientifically, there is evidence of life after death as spirit is light and light is matter- cannot be created or destroyed, only change.

That idea resonates with me- none of us have died and can tell us what it's like- and those who have had near death or revival after death experience can only tell us compromised accounts as physical/ mental/emotional duress can significantly impact their story. (Although many of these instances reference light as well)

So my belief is hope. I see scientific possibility, and I have hope for an afterlife.

Another brainstorming note- I have often sensed a connection with others despite distance or lack of communication
I'll be thinking about my sister and feel a strain of worry, so I'll send her lunch and get a response back that she was having a rough day and it was heaven-sent. I've also experienced difficult situations that I felt alone and I'll get a phonecall that was well timed.

If these connections aren't mere coincidence, is there a connection that is spiritual (spirit->light->physical) that is maintained after death? I feel my grandma when I sing, and can hear her say "oh mercy!" when I've done something silly.

In that movie, "Coco", spirits in the afterlife are stronger the more they are remembered by the living. Is there something to that? I feel spiritually fortified when my husband does something thoughtful, or I sing, or I read something that resonates with me, or I see my kids laugh. Do we physically strengthen bonds with those spirits in the afterlife when we think of them, speak of them, do something in their memory?

I love the idea that spirituality and science can not only coexist, but they might help explain each other.


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On Own Now
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Re: Stage 4 Grief/Mourning

Post by On Own Now » 15 Apr 2018, 15:12

BeJoyful wrote:
15 Apr 2018, 13:39
On Own Now wrote: What I would add to that today is that I believe the only way we live on is in the memory of our loved-ones. My dad lives on in my memory. At first, one thing that really struck me about losing my dad was that there were so many experiences that only he and I shared and now I was the only one left who remembered them. But now, I am grateful that I do remember them, because as long as I do, then they are a part of true history. After I can no longer remember, those experiences will be lost forever... but for now they still exist.

I want to make sure that I'm worth remembering someday for the people I love. That will be my afterlife.
Have you seen the movie "Coco"? The whole concept of living on through memories of others really resonated with me.
I haven't, but thanks for the pointer; I'll have to add that one to my list.
"Let us therefore no longer pass judgment on one another, but resolve instead never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of another." --Romans 14:13

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