Should I Stay or Should I Go?

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AmyJ
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Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Post by AmyJ » 26 Feb 2018, 14:54

We have an adult session of Stake Conference this weekend on Saturday. My husband has gone to the last 2 stake meetings, had great spiritual experiences, and is urging me to go. He feels guilty because he got the last 2 great experiences and I got to babysit. He thinks it will be a good experience for me. The subject is Family History/Temple Work - both of which I don't have a solid foundation of belief in right now.

Pros:
1. DH will think everything is normal and not freak out.
2. DH said that if I attend the Saturday session I don't need to attend the Sunday session (I can't do groups anymore - a full chapel and cultural hall is just too many people for me in the same room nowadays and triggers anxiety.)
3. It will send a message to those in leadership who might be worried about me that everything's good (I have to keep the BYU Endorsement for the next few years).
4. I might be able to fellowship by car-pooling down with some people.
5. I might be able to get budget money for ice cream afterwards.
6. I might be able to rest in the pew/I can't figure out anything that would be "Trading Up".
7. I might receive inspiration.

Cons:
1. Whole subjects being covered - gut instinct ranging from not interested to slightly uncomfortable to think about.
2. People/Socializing - I can socialize, and sometimes it is fun and worth it. And sometimes it is just a waste of my time and resources.

I know it will come down to whether the pro's beat out the con...
Last edited by AmyJ on 02 Mar 2018, 08:54, edited 1 time in total.

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DarkJedi
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Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Post by DarkJedi » 26 Feb 2018, 16:44

Whenever I make a pro and con list like this for a decision I do as you said and pick the one with more on the list. It's up to you, but it looks like pro way outweighs the con - unless you're not counting all the cons.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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dande48
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Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Post by dande48 » 26 Feb 2018, 16:58

Hi Amy!

Looking over your pros, I think there's a big one you missed. Your husband feels like he's making a sacrifice for you, and if you accept it, it will make him feel good. On the other hand, rejecting it could make him feel pretty bad.

It's like when your grandmother gives you an ugly, itchy, poorly knit sweater for Christmas. You might not want it... you'd rather have ANYTHING else. But gracefully accepting it and wearing it will bring her joy. One of the greatest virtues we can ever develop, is the ability to make another feel good about themselves.

Even if you don't agree with the topics, I think there's still some good you can pull out of it. The temple is a wonderful teacher, of the importance of taking a step back, out of the world, and gaining a broader, deeper perspective. Life gets so busy and messy sometimes, we forget what's important. As for family history work, there are a couple of good lessons to learn. First, is the joy of serving others outside yourself, even if those you help have nothing to offer in return. Secondly, Martin Heidegger was once asked what we should do, to live more authentically. He responded that we should all aim to spend a little more time in graveyards. Focusing on the dead helps us to reflect and focus on what's most important in our lives.

Worse case senario: If you go and you hate it, you can always excuse yourself to go sit in the hall, or go sit outside. We all need a breather every now and again. ;) Showing and building camaraderie are very good reasons to go, even if you don't plan to stay.
"The whole world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel." - Horace Walpole

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SamBee
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Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Post by SamBee » 27 Feb 2018, 06:34

I tend to skip conferences. Due to my current calling, skipping stake conference is not really an option now. But I'll probably skip general conference.
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

AmyJ
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Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Post by AmyJ » 27 Feb 2018, 07:12

We caught a lot of General Conference last year. My husband attended the leadership sessions for the last 2 conferences.
We had a Stake event in October - my husband had a leadership meeting at the same time we had a general women's session. We were going to split the childcare (still bitter about the impracticality of child-tending - the stake can foster security arrangements for dignitaries, but not bother with childcare if they have both a leadership priesthood meeting and a R.S. meeting at the same time) - send DD#1 with her kindle to stay at my husband's meeting while I took the baby with me to my meeting. But DD#1 caught a stomach flu and was throwing up or sleeping, so I stayed with both children.

About 20% of DH's reasoning is that if he sends me to the conference in the evening, he can miss his earlier leadership meeting in good grace (socially) because he is sacrificing his time to babysit for me for that evening session. We only have 1 car, and the stake center is about 30 minutes away for us. He also had scheduled an outside event for his hobby that is during the same time as the earlier leadership meeting. His outside activity might fall through, but I don't see him sticking around for the adult evening session to babysit if we all go down early to his leadership session and I take the girls to the nursery.

AmyJ
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Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Post by AmyJ » 27 Feb 2018, 07:19

dande48 wrote:
26 Feb 2018, 16:58
Hi Amy!

Looking over your pros, I think there's a big one you missed. Your husband feels like he's making a sacrifice for you, and if you accept it, it will make him feel good. On the other hand, rejecting it could make him feel pretty bad.

It's like when your grandmother gives you an ugly, itchy, poorly knit sweater for Christmas. You might not want it... you'd rather have ANYTHING else. But gracefully accepting it and wearing it will bring her joy. One of the greatest virtues we can ever develop, is the ability to make another feel good about themselves.
Thanks for pointing that out. I had not put it such a way, which is what I was missing.
dande48 wrote:
26 Feb 2018, 16:58
Even if you don't agree with the topics, I think there's still some good you can pull out of it. The temple is a wonderful teacher, of the importance of taking a step back, out of the world, and gaining a broader, deeper perspective. Life gets so busy and messy sometimes, we forget what's important. As for family history work, there are a couple of good lessons to learn. First, is the joy of serving others outside yourself, even if those you help have nothing to offer in return. Secondly, Martin Heidegger was once asked what we should do, to live more authentically. He responded that we should all aim to spend a little more time in graveyards. Focusing on the dead helps us to reflect and focus on what's most important in our lives.
I do not feel that I am in a position to put the temple back in my life right now.
That is an interesting thought about graveyards.
dande48 wrote:
26 Feb 2018, 16:58
Worse case senario: If you go and you hate it, you can always excuse yourself to go sit in the hall, or go sit outside. We all need a breather every now and again. ;) Showing and building camaraderie are very good reasons to go, even if you don't plan to stay.
I will pack the "go elsewhere" mode into my tool bag. Because we live so far away from the stake center, I would carpool probably - which means if I show up I am there for the long haul.

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dande48
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Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Post by dande48 » 27 Feb 2018, 08:55

AmyJ wrote:
27 Feb 2018, 07:19
I do not feel that I am in a position to put the temple back in my life right now.
I didn't mean you should attend the temple. I am not interested in attending myself. But replace the temple with... the local park, a backwoods trail, an art museum, or a planetarium, and I think all the same principles would apply. When they talk about having a temple recommend, you can remind yourself of the importance of periodic self-evaluation, and how silly it is we try to restrict spiritual experiences to the "worthy".
AmyJ wrote:
27 Feb 2018, 07:19
I would carpool probably - which means if I show up I am there for the long haul.
If all else fails, I'm sure there's a "temple session" (see above) you can attend close by. ;)
"The whole world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel." - Horace Walpole

"Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure."
-Lemony Snicket

Roy
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Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Post by Roy » 27 Feb 2018, 09:56

I would go and focus on having a good time socially.
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DancingCarrot
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Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Post by DancingCarrot » 28 Feb 2018, 14:16

I’ve done what Roy mentions moreso at church lately, at least previously than I used to. I once gave a lesson that included the tenant that the church organization can be many things at different times in our lives, and that that’s how life works. Letting church be a socializing place, or a place where community is fostered, as opposed to the place where I feel the most peace or spirituality, has given me a lot of freedom and ease in interactions at church. We all need relationships in life.


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lotsofgray
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Re: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Post by lotsofgray » 28 Feb 2018, 19:53

I’m exhausted just think about the decision process! Every meeting you attend with your husband will send the message you are more an more interested. I have to tell my wife no so I can get her even to listen to why I might not want - and even then she doesn’t care and just gets mad. No win either way here...


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