How to ask in faith without feeling jerked around

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
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Re: How to ask in faith without feeling jerked around

Post by bridget_night » 28 Feb 2018, 14:39

Hi Squarepeg,

I do not post or come here often anymore, but on occasion, like today, i miss reading the amazing discussions on this group. I love people like you who are so honest, and think deeply about things. I can sooo relate to what you wrote. It is so painful and confusing. Like you mentioned in your post; "on one hand the scriptures and people tell you that God will comfort you through your trials" and "would God give a man a stone, if he asks for a piece of bread?" We grow up hearing about a 'loving Heavenly Father" who knows all the hairs on your head and is mindful of sparrows. I had an amazing, wonderful earthly Father that I could go to for anything so I loved the idea of a having a Heavenly Father that loved me as his daughter and child. There were times in my life that I did feel comforted and a presence of great love. BUT, I have often felt like comforting or help at all. During the most horrible childbirths, I felt no help. The last 5 years I got extremely painful Rheumatoid Arthritis. I was in screaming pain and begging God to help me. NOTHING happened...I just suffered like hell. I was angry that if there was a God, He was cruel; that I would not treat a dog like that. I did not know how to deal with these feelings and thought. Going to the temple and reading the Bof Mormon just put a dark cloud over my mind.

I did ask a church historian once why God made us live by faith on this earth, rather than writing across the sky, "And now a word from your creater." I desperately long to have a personal relationship with God where He could talk to me like my dad did. Praying felt like talking to the ceiling. This historian told me that he thought the reason God had us live by faith is so He and we could see what was in our hearts. If we knew for sure there was a big reward or punishment in the next life we might obey or be good for the reward or fear of punishment. But, not knowing, God could see what was in our hearts.....what we would do or how we would live not knowing. I then decided I wanted to be a good person, whether God existed or not. Just to be good for goodness sake. It gave me some peace. Most of the time, I find my prayers answered through other people and loved ones. I do believe we are the eyes and ears of God for each other. Hope this helps.

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Re: How to ask in faith without feeling jerked around

Post by Roy » 28 Feb 2018, 15:18

It is great to hear from you Bridget. I appreciate your thoughts.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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Re: How to ask in faith without feeling jerked around

Post by bridget_night » 28 Feb 2018, 16:50

Thank you Roy!

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Re: How to ask in faith without feeling jerked around

Post by squarepeg » 30 Jun 2018, 10:18

I'm so sorry for my ridiculously delayed reply. Another brain surgery and recovery has been difficult. My cognitive faculties are taking their sweet time recovering, but I do think I have turned a corner and am becoming a bit mentally clearer, so I can now try to make a somewhat coherent reply.

You probably share my sentiment that sometimes it is thoroughly exhausting and isolating to have to choose one's words so very carefully amidst TBMs who are supposed to be our brothers and sisters. But the alternatives sound worse.

I found Hugh B. Brown's currant bush talk. Thanks. I must be bitter because I think I'd joyfully trade places with Hugh B. Brown and lose the big promotion I expected to get, rather than go through what I've gone through. What an awful attitude, no? I know it's impossible for me to know just how difficult that was for him and none of us can compare our suffering to someone else's and be assured that the comparison is accurate. But I feel that extreme physical (or mental) suffering that never or hardly lets up and that goes on for years and decades seems to me worse than any other kind of suffering. Not that I can really know, since I've not suffered every possible type of thing. President Kimball seemed to have humility; I really respect that about him.

Thank you for sharing your struggles with RA. I am so sorry you have dealt with that. Your suffering sounds familiar...the purely animalistic brutal physical suffering that reaches the absolute heights and you know that Hell cannot possibly be worse. It just feels absolutely pointless, that it can't possibly be teaching you anything, anymore than a mean kid is "teaching" a bird when he shoots it full of BBs. All it wants in every second is for the torture to stop. There can be no contemplation, no consideration of what this might be teaching, because the pain is too much and too persistent to hear or see or feel anything beyond or outside of just PAIN.

I like the historian's reasoning for why we must live by faith and not knowledge of God. That's very thought-provoking.

I want to thank everyone for helping me through this. I have read the replies three or four times now and they continue to help me. You all are wonderful.

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