Asking to be released...

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
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Beefster
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Joined: 04 Aug 2017, 18:38

Re: Asking to be released...

Post by Beefster » 24 Jan 2018, 18:03

Very thought provoking, Heber. Maybe I just need a break from the teaching aspect or a better cop-out when the lesson on the week I'm supposed to teach clashes with my heterodoxy. (I managed to wiggle my way out of teaching lessons on eternal families)

As for the missionary calendar, I was sure to ask for a do not contact list as soon as the assignment was sprung on me. I also could spearhead that particular assignment in a different way by putting together a spreadsheet with everyone's availability using a Google form. I hate making phone calls. Always have.

The elders are split with a family ward again though, so that alleviates some responsibility. Maybe I'll just set up an arrangement where the family ward gets Mondays + ~2/3 of the other days since YSA wards generally don't have the life situation for feeding the missionaries well.
Boys are governed by rules. Men are governed by principles.

Often I hear doubt being presented as the opposite of faith but I think certainty does a better job of filling that role. Doubts can help faith grow, certainty almost always makes faith shrink. --nibbler

Curt Sunshine
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Re: Asking to be released...

Post by Curt Sunshine » 24 Jan 2018, 20:23

Remember, if they call you, they get you. They don't get to define who they call; they simply extend the offer. If you accept it, they get you.

What's the worst that can happen? You get released. Wow, how terrible is that? :P
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

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Gerald
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Joined: 29 Sep 2011, 04:57

Re: Asking to be released...

Post by Gerald » 27 Jan 2018, 05:55

My father was a bishop and he told me that one of the most surprising things about that calling was how many people said "no" to callings and how many people asked to be released. My wife was in the primary presidency a number of years ago and one of her teachers gained her release by slapping down the manual in front of her and loudly declaring that she wouldn't be back.

My ultimate point is that those who post on this list take their obligations seriously which is good. That seriousness of purpose is probably what in part led them to this discussion board. But many, many members are simply social Mormons and have little compunction in turning down a calling, or asking for a release OR simply not doing it until they are finally released. I'm not saying this is what should be done but that for those of us (I include myself) who take the commitment they make or will make seriously, a calling is a big deal and asking for a release feels like a significant betrayal of our word and honor. But I would venture that this attitude is in a slight minority in the Church (I know it is in my ward).

Maybe that's why we tend to see the same people in the high profile, high energy callings again and again and again. By the way, this:
The leaders were very clear and adamant that at least 10 hours be spent on the calling per week and we had to turn in logs of our time. Yeah.
is simply nuts! :thumbdown:
So through the dusk of dead, blank-legended And unremunerative years we search to get where life begins, and still we groan because we do not find the living spark where no spark ever was; and thus we die, still searching, like poor old astronomers who totter off to bed and go to sleep, to dream of untriangulated stars.
---Edwin Arlington Robinson---

Roy
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Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Asking to be released...

Post by Roy » 29 Jan 2018, 10:31

A big part of my effort to StayLDS is sustainability. I have found a happy medium where the benefits I receive from church participation feel pretty even with the costs. Part of that has to do with tithing (a different topic). Another major part of this is what calling I can do and feel competent at that also fits with my work/life balance. I do not think it inappropriate to help leaders know where I can best contribute.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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Beefster
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Joined: 04 Aug 2017, 18:38

Re: Asking to be released...

Post by Beefster » 18 Feb 2018, 17:51

I don't think I can really handle this with the care it deserves in person, so I am probably going to have to fall back on less direct methods... Namely a text message. Or perhaps an email.
Release notice draft wrote: I really hate to do this with such a shortage of ward missionaries, but I feel I'm not really able to give my calling the attention and enthusiasm it deserves at this time. I'm not going to be able to do it much longer and would like to ask to be released within the next week or two. I know this comes at a bad time, but I have been dealing with some personal issues recently that make it difficult to put time into my calling. I hope you will understand and I pray that you will find success in calling new ward missionaries.
I'm super scared to do this, but I can't take this calling much longer. Any suggestions before I send it?

This is terrifying. I don't want to be branded a doubter or deserter. I hate that I have to back away at such a bad time for my ward. (The other ward missionary is getting married soon and we don't have any others besides the WML and AWML)

I don't have a YM org or a nursery to ask to be put into and the only music calling I can realistically do is conducting in sacrament meeting, so I don't really have any suggestion options for leverage.

I'm pretty sure I'm already on the bishop's project list and this can only make things worse.
Boys are governed by rules. Men are governed by principles.

Often I hear doubt being presented as the opposite of faith but I think certainty does a better job of filling that role. Doubts can help faith grow, certainty almost always makes faith shrink. --nibbler

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dande48
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Location: Wherever there is danger

Re: Asking to be released...

Post by dande48 » 18 Feb 2018, 22:24

Beefster wrote:
18 Feb 2018, 17:51
I'm super scared to do this, but I can't take this calling much longer. Any suggestions before I send it?
My two-cents:
- If you sound wishy-washy, they will try to talk you out of it. " I feel I am not... would like... next week or two" sounds wishy-washy.
- Asking to be released is asking for permission.
- Saying your calling is "difficult", translates to "not enough faith, please strengthen me".
- If you mention personal issues, they will inquire.

If sent as is, they will set up an appointment to meet with you. Barring that, they will stop by your place for a suprise visit. I'd try being a little more firm. "After much prayer and consideration, I will no longer be able to serve in this capacity at this time."
"The whole world is a comedy to those that think, a tragedy to those that feel." - Horace Walpole

"Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure."
-Lemony Snicket

Curt Sunshine
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Posts: 15932
Joined: 21 Oct 2008, 20:24

Re: Asking to be released...

Post by Curt Sunshine » 19 Feb 2018, 10:29

What dande48 said. Keep it simple, firm, and focused on your own personal inspiration.

Start with something like, "I am sorry to have to do this, but," then use dande48's suggestion to end it.

In Book of Mormon terms, this is what being an agent unto yourself looks like. It isn't the easy way, but it is the better way.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

User avatar
Beefster
Posts: 485
Joined: 04 Aug 2017, 18:38

Re: Asking to be released...

Post by Beefster » 25 Mar 2018, 16:11

There is no going back. This is what I sent:
The last few months have been a real struggle for me. Just a couple years ago, I would have loved to be a ward missionary and would have been very passionate about it. Things are different now. I feel that at this point in my life, my calling is not taking me in the direction I feel I need to be going. I have thought long and hard about it. I have prayed many times about this and this is what I feel is the best thing for me at this time. I need to be released. I know this comes at a bad time with such a shortage of ward missionaries and I truly am sorry for the position it puts you in.

I would rather not go into detail at this time. It is a deeply personal matter.
Boys are governed by rules. Men are governed by principles.

Often I hear doubt being presented as the opposite of faith but I think certainty does a better job of filling that role. Doubts can help faith grow, certainty almost always makes faith shrink. --nibbler

Roy
Posts: 4888
Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Asking to be released...

Post by Roy » 26 Mar 2018, 09:33

I believe that not having this particular demanding calling may help you immensely.

Someone is likely to ask you more details. they may just be curious or genuinely concerned. You may want to come up with an excuse or just to be vague but hopeful.

Good luck!
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

Joni
Posts: 558
Joined: 22 Nov 2013, 08:36

Re: Asking to be released...

Post by Joni » 27 Mar 2018, 09:55

I didn't ask, I told.

I still haven't been officially "released" over the pulpit but I no longer consider myself as holding that (or any) calling.

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