Snag in New Ward

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
Post Reply
User avatar
jamison
Posts: 208
Joined: 05 Sep 2010, 20:14

Snag in New Ward

Post by jamison » 31 Dec 2017, 23:02

I have been in a new ward for 4 months now and it is a breath of fresh air. I love my new calling, and people for the most part seem to be very genuine, caring, kind and considerate. I have been accepting everything that has been thrown my way and am enjoying the service. Yet today, I butted heads with the high councilor rep and he asked me to do something I felt uncomfortable with, and I told him point blank that I like such and such and I won't change it. Now I know every Sunday I am going to see that person and dislike them inside. I will avoid them as much as possible, and not respect them.
I am trying to avoid the ultra conservative, Pharisee Mormons as much as possible. I am anti-establishment. I disdain letter of the law types, and I finally met one head on. I know people look at me like I am Juliette Binoche in the movie Chocolat. I do things differently. I think differently, and I am putting my Christianity first before the Church. I am living the gospel, but trying as much as possible to sidestep the letter of the law, and put my family and friends first, and serve when able.

I feel like the Church needs to be changed from the inside. We need to be less puritanical, more genuine, open for new ideas and new people, and not be the same stiff shirts that have been in Church for the last two decades. I really believe that people have preferences that they assert as their version of the gospel of how things should be. For instance they may dislike a particular hymn, and that is okay, but to say that a certain Hymn will suck the Spirit out of a meeting is bull crap; Especially when the Hymn was chosen months in advance, was in line with New Year's Eve, and approved by the bishop.
"Ignorance, fear, and conflict are the basic elements of everyday consciousness" Marvin Harris -- Cows, Pigs, Wars, and Witches.

User avatar
SamBee
Posts: 4661
Joined: 14 Mar 2010, 04:55

Re: Snag in New Ward

Post by SamBee » 01 Jan 2018, 04:57

If it's in the hymnal, they have no leg to stand on.
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

User avatar
LookingHard
Posts: 2794
Joined: 20 Oct 2014, 12:11

Re: Snag in New Ward

Post by LookingHard » 01 Jan 2018, 07:47

Sorry jamison, but this made me laugh. In my previous ward there was a Brother Jamison that was an absolute control freak and loved any and all attention he could muster. So the fact that you, "Jamison" are complaining about Brother Jamison is just :D in my mind.

I don't know if you can bring yourself to do this, but you could try and do something really nice for him, or complement him in front of others for some good trait that he has. Just let him know, "you and I don't see things the same, but I still think you are an OK guy."

User avatar
nibbler
Posts: 3487
Joined: 14 Nov 2013, 07:34
Location: Ten miles west of the exact centre of the universe

Re: Snag in New Ward

Post by nibbler » 01 Jan 2018, 09:00

jamison wrote:
31 Dec 2017, 23:02
I really believe that people have preferences that they assert as their version of the gospel of how things should be. For instance they may dislike a particular hymn, and that is okay, but to say that a certain Hymn will suck the Spirit out of a meeting is bull crap; Especially when the Hymn was chosen months in advance, was in line with New Year's Eve, and approved by the bishop.
You know those moments in church when someone reprimands everyone in the room saying something like, "You guys are chasing away the spirit." I can't speak for others but for me most of the time when that happens the spirit didn't leave the room until that person got up and decided to yell at everyone. A real "if I can't feel the spirit no one should" moment. ;)

The good news is that high counselors come and go.

One other thing. Ever notice during the beginning of SM the person conducting will say, "Bishop SoAndSo is presiding, and we also want to recognize the presence of our high counselor, Brother Hasn'tGotAuthorityToDictateHowTheMeetingWillGo."

The hymn was approved by the bishop? The high counselor can poke out his bottom lip and pout while the congregation sings the hymn. ;)
It’s not enough to be against something. You have to be for something better.
– Tony Stark

User avatar
SamBee
Posts: 4661
Joined: 14 Mar 2010, 04:55

Re: Snag in New Ward

Post by SamBee » 01 Jan 2018, 12:16

Often it refers to something someone doesn't agree with. I recounted a story to someone about a relative who was killed by his work. I got told, "that's not uplifting." I replied that it was true, and that life wasn't always that way.
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

User avatar
SilentDawning
Posts: 6620
Joined: 09 May 2010, 19:55

Re: Snag in New Ward

Post by SilentDawning » 01 Jan 2018, 13:14

No conflict, no progress, no action, no fun...imagine a movie where everything goes well for the main characters without opposition. Everyone would go home or ask their money back.

I think people of all kinds, even traditional mormons, run into people who have ideas that are contrarion to their own vision of how things should be. Not unique to non-TBM's and TBM's. Hopefully this High Councilor will leave you alone....so it doesn't become a pebble in your shoe.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"Stage 5 is where you no longer believe the gospel as its literally or traditionally taught. Nonetheless, you find your own way to be active and at peace within it". -- SD

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1576

Curt Sunshine
Site Admin
Posts: 15773
Joined: 21 Oct 2008, 20:24

Re: Snag in New Ward

Post by Curt Sunshine » 01 Jan 2018, 15:39

So, there is one person who acted like an idiot (or is an idiot) in a new ward you enjoy.

Congratulations! That is an awesome ratio in any group setting.

Just saying. :D
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

User avatar
jamison
Posts: 208
Joined: 05 Sep 2010, 20:14

Re: Snag in New Ward

Post by jamison » 01 Jan 2018, 22:03

Thanks guys for sharing. I have almost been away from this site for several months and I am glad I have this support forum to vent. I will probably just move on from it shake the guys hand like nothing ever happened, it was just one of those moments that totally rubbed me the wrong way; it brought back the negativity that I experienced in my old ward from more than one member and it just jolted me enough to be a little miffed. But, its a new year and I got 364 days to work on keeping my cool and planning some great comeback phrases for similar moments that I am sure will arise.

Such as: The First Presidency approved the hymnbook and the Bishop is in charge of this ward take it up with them, and don't bother me about it.
"Ignorance, fear, and conflict are the basic elements of everyday consciousness" Marvin Harris -- Cows, Pigs, Wars, and Witches.

User avatar
DarkJedi
Posts: 5709
Joined: 24 Aug 2013, 20:53

Re: Snag in New Ward

Post by DarkJedi » 02 Jan 2018, 11:40

Not only did the FP approve the hymnbook, there is a pretty pointed introduction "signed" by the FP making their stance on the hymns pretty clear.

https://www.lds.org/music/guidelines/fi ... g=eng&_r=1

Your approach of shaking hands and acting like nothing happened mostly works for me. There are a small handful of members (and a couple high councilors) with whom I don't generally agree. If I can't avoid them (my preferred method of dealing with them), I smile, shake their hands, say good morning and move along. It is sometimes tougher in a class situation, but I would certainly not be shy about quoting from the FP in the hymnbook in a situation like that - honestly most members don't even know that's there. I am likewise not shy about quoting GAs and/or scripture when appropriate. Since I'm not quick on my feet, I do also have some canned responses that often work. And leaving ("coughing spell" or otherwise) is always an option.

And, as has been pointed out, HCs have no keys and no real authority. In an "official" capacity (assigned as a speaker or adviser to a unit) they represent the SP, otherwise they're just another person.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

My Introduction

Roy
Posts: 4780
Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Snag in New Ward

Post by Roy » 04 Jan 2018, 14:13

We had someone like this in our ward. He had a very specific and narrow view of the gospel. He was on the high council and would share his opinion in SS with leadership quotes as though he was correcting the discussion - always stifled dissenting perspectives.

He moved away eventually.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

Post Reply