After several years of being married DW and I began to be able to talk about M in small doses. Would it be acceptable if we were apart for a long period of time? We also talked some about my pre-marriage struggle and feelings. As time progressed and I have been able to be more and more open about myself. I am not a "deviant or pervert". I do not pressure DW into things she is not comfortable with. I am a loving husband and father. I am fulfilled in the relationship. Those fear (and fear mongering) turned out to be unfounded.
[out of an abundance of caution to keep this thread focused and maintaining site rules against sexually explicit comments I am self editing my previous post. Suffice it to say that many women, including DW do not achieve O through intercourse. Without M, we may never have discovered how to make that happen for her] The FAIR article might make it seem that this was selfishness on my wife's part. I assume that the author of the article would give some latitude for married couples to find what works for them but the following quotes are troubling on this point.
Masturbation and intercourse are simply different. One who masturbates frequently has a very direct knowledge of what actions bring pleasure most effectively. It can be difficult or impossible for a spouse to reproduce the pleasure that a masturbator has learned how to produce on his or her own. Thus, sexuality, if not expressed in the context of a loving and devoted relationship, turns inward and becomes a focus on self. It is spiritually dangerous to use sexuality for self when God intends for it to be used to help us overcome our love of self.
I am aware that the standards and teachings for married people and for unmarried teens and YSA can and should have differences.Jesus makes clear that to be his disciple we must be prepared to sacrifice our comfort
For my own children (not yet teenagers) I have tried to teach them about the amazing thing that is the human body. I have described the skeletal, muscular, or digestive systems as I massage their back. The heart beats and the lungs breath even when sleeping (thank goodness). Poop and pee is not gross or shameful (though rightfully done in private) but rather the natural result of eating or drinking. As my children become older and start asking questions I try to follow the same pattern. Reproductive organs and processes are amazing - bordering on the miraculous! They are not gross or shameful. Like so many parts and processes of the body these are to be respected and cared for.