I Resigned and I'm Getting Divorced

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
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Shawn
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I Resigned and I'm Getting Divorced

Post by Shawn » 26 Jun 2017, 15:30

I submitted my resignation on May 4th. I moved out of my house on May 13th. That's my update.

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FaithfulSkeptic
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Re: I Resigned and I'm Getting Divorced

Post by FaithfulSkeptic » 26 Jun 2017, 15:36

Shawn,

Getting divorced is one of my greatest fears. I admire you for your integrity to follow your conscience and let the consequences follow. I'm sorry that your marriage didn't work out, but I hope this will lead to more peace and happiness in your life. Best wishes to you!
I know of no sign on the doors of our meetinghouses that says, “Your testimony must be this tall to enter.” Dieter F. Uchtdorf, October 2014

Roy
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Re: I Resigned and I'm Getting Divorced

Post by Roy » 26 Jun 2017, 16:24

I have very little time right now. I feel for you as a fellow brother. I only hope after all the turmoil that there can be a way forward for you.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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LookingHard
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Re: I Resigned and I'm Getting Divorced

Post by LookingHard » 26 Jun 2017, 19:54

Sorry to hear. I don't know enough to tell you if I think this is a good or bad decision. But I do hope your decision turns out to be best. Good luck.

Curt Sunshine
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Re: I Resigned and I'm Getting Divorced

Post by Curt Sunshine » 26 Jun 2017, 20:39

God speed, Shawn.

I hope and pray you can get the professional help you need.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

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SamBee
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Re: I Resigned and I'm Getting Divorced

Post by SamBee » 27 Jun 2017, 04:35

Peace brother. I know you've had your troubles and wish you a happier life. May the road rise with you.
DASH1730 "An Area Authority...[was] asked...who...would go to the Telestial kingdom. His answer: "murderers, adulterers and a lot of surprised Mormons!"'
1ST PRES 1978 "[LDS] believe...there is truth in many religions and philosophies...good and great religious leaders... have raised the spiritual, moral, and ethical awareness of their people. When we speak of The [LDS] as the only true church...it is...authorized to administer the ordinances...by Jesus Christ... we do not mean... it is the only teacher of truth."

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SilentDawning
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Re: I Resigned and I'm Getting Divorced

Post by SilentDawning » 28 Jun 2017, 06:48

I hope this marks the start of something good. Our thoughts are with you and we hope you find peace and happiness.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

A man asked Jesus "do all roads lead to you?" Jesus responds,”most roads don’t lead anywhere, but I will travel any road to find you.” Adapted from The Shack, William Young

Roy
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Re: I Resigned and I'm Getting Divorced

Post by Roy » 28 Jun 2017, 13:32

Just an additional thought. When going through a traumatic experience it is generally helpful to not make any life altering decisions. I. E. it might not be a good idea to pick up and move across the country while grieving. That being said, I hope that getting divorced and resigning from the church are not related. Meaning that if I had to go through them both I would prefer to take them on one at a time and unpack all my feelings about them in isolation.

I just feel that keeping the two issues as separate as possible would aid in providing clarity for me.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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Reuben
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Re: I Resigned and I'm Getting Divorced

Post by Reuben » 28 Jun 2017, 14:21

I've been following Shawn elsewhere, so this doesn't come as a surprise for me. But since I haven't posted it yet here or anywhere else: Shawn, my man, my heart breaks for you. I hope you find peace and a good lawyer.

Finding peace is probably harder.
Roy wrote:
28 Jun 2017, 13:32
That being said, I hope that getting divorced and resigning from the church are not related. Meaning that if I had to go through them both I would prefer to take them on one at a time and unpack all my feelings about them in isolation.

I just feel that keeping the two issues as separate as possible would aid in providing clarity for me.
It's accurate to say that they share a common cause or two.
My intro

Love before dogma. Truth before loyalty. Knowledge before certainty.

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Heber13
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Re: I Resigned and I'm Getting Divorced

Post by Heber13 » 29 Jun 2017, 09:29

It is not an easy time. There aren't many ways around it, you just have to pass through it and come out the other end still intact as a person who can move forward and start a new chapter in life, turn the page, realize that things happen, and begin making choices that help you find peace and happiness.

It will mostly likely be the most stressful time of your life. But, and I know this is not much consolation, but...you get through it.

I am confident God is watching you and knows your situation and your heart and your choices. And He is fine with it, and knows these things happen. You are not a 2nd class member of the church or 2nd class anything...you are just going down your path before you best you can, and that is OK. You're fine the way you are, you will learn some things you could not learn any other way. It will suck, and it will be good. Like everything else in life, it is a mixed bag of all things to experience and learn from and find joy in a life lived full of experiences...even the painful ones.

It's not easy being in the church and going through divorce when everyone looks at it as a failure and they value the family staying together so much, with some comments like "no success in life compensates for failure in the home" and on and on. So...it is not easy to be around some dialogues of others who really don't know your situation. Just remember...what others say is about them...take it for what it is worth, or discard it when you know better.

Perhaps it is best to step away from church for a while and heal. It will always be there for you if you miss it and find you want to return. Or there are other paths. God wants what is best for you. Even if that path is to hate him or not believe in him for a time...he would rather have you find peace that way than any other way that hurts you. Let go of things that hurt you...because you will have enough hurt to deal with, you don't need the unnecessary hurtful stuff. Learn to let go...while also clinging to the things YOU WANT that make you happy. It is a time you are perfectly justified to be selfish for a while and discover more things about yourself and your value, despite your weaknesses. Embrace that.

Either way...God watches and may even place a few people in your path in critical times to help you through it. Church and religion give other people some motivation to reach out with love and support when they can. Accept the help from others. You don't need to carry it all on your own...but you will likely feel you have to. Just be open to knowing there will be a few small moments of nice gestures from others and you should take them as they come...they won't change anything about your situation...but they are nice little tender mercies along the way.

I pray for you brother. Hang in there and look forward to better things ahead. Don't lose hope. You are a good man at heart.
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

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