Help talking to a spouse

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
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Heber13
Posts: 6967
Joined: 22 Apr 2009, 16:37
Location: In the Middle

Re: Help talking to a spouse

Post by Heber13 » 09 Jul 2017, 09:08

Awakening wrote:
08 Jul 2017, 22:21
I hope it gives you hope to know that people really do get through this and relationships can be even more beautiful and bonded than ever before as is in our case. It did take time (several years) God bless!
Your posts of support are full of hope. Thanks for sharing.
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

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shethinksdeep
Posts: 10
Joined: 27 Jul 2017, 08:22

Re: Help talking to a spouse

Post by shethinksdeep » 14 Aug 2017, 11:42

mom3 wrote:
20 Jun 2017, 11:34
If you need, start a private journal of thoughts you wish you could wish share with her. Someday down the road you may get to. But you writing/typing it out allows it to still be in your relationship. In the journal express how scared you are. Your sorrows for both of you. Your dreams for just one day. No more than that.
I really love this. ^ This is something I have only recently started to do and it has been helpful so far.

When I initially had my first crack, talking with my husband was disastrous. For roughly a decade I went through a period of never uttering another word to try and keep the peace. It was easier to go silent, and I am pretty sure it saved our marriage - we weren't ready to talk about it. It was necessary for then, but took its toll on me. Only in the last few months have I began to open back up and it is going so much better this time around. We have both matured a lot sense then. However, I am taking things slow, and am still very filtered and careful in what I choose to say because I don't want to dump everything on my husband at once and freak him out.

I have had chronic headaches all along this journey, and its been hitting me more and more that holding in my thoughts and feelings has manifested as tension in my body. After realizing this likely connection, I have decided to try and journal my raw thoughts as a way to empty my mind and purge what is in there without fear of being judged or moving too quick. I think this will also help in reconstructing what my beliefs are so that when the hard discussions do come up (hopefully by working through all of this on paper) I will be able to verbally express what I believe, think, and feel more effectively. I have only been journaling for a short amount of time, but I am feeling hopeful that it will be a great help (even if its not the cure for my headaches).

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mom3
Posts: 3629
Joined: 02 Apr 2011, 14:11

Re: Help talking to a spouse

Post by mom3 » 15 Aug 2017, 11:37

I really love this. ^ This is something I have only recently started to do and it has been helpful so far.
I am glad. It came to be quite by accident years before any religious upheaval hit my life. It began as a stray act one day while working through a migraine. The issues have nothing to do with LDSness but it has carried me through this process, too.

Try it in all the areas of your life. Set a timer daily and write, uncensored for 20 min. Some days maybe full of happy thoughts. Some maybe anger, stress, resentment, fear. Neither are wrong. Embrace them. You will be discovering you. As long as your headaches aren't from food related issues or injury, I would bet it will help any burdens you are carrying.
"I stayed because it was God and Jesus Christ that I wanted to follow and be like, not individual human beings." Chieko Okazaki Dialogue interview

"I am coming to envision a new persona for the Church as humble followers of Jesus Christ....Joseph and his early followers came forth with lots of triumphalist rhetoric, but I think we need a new voice, one of humility, friendship and service. We should teach people to believe in God because it will soften their hearts and make them more willing to serve." - Richard Bushman

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