Niece wants to serve a mission

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
User avatar
dande48
Posts: 373
Joined: 24 Jan 2016, 16:35

Re: Niece wants to serve a mission

Post by dande48 » 03 Jun 2017, 06:54

DarkJedi wrote:
03 Jun 2017, 05:26
I would say the same thing in that situation. In fact, I have done so. It really is a personal choice and it's not a commandment for men or women. It is also not a saving ordinance (were it so none of the current FP would be saved :shock: ).
When I first found out about that, it really bothered me. As anyone who has served a mission can testify, it REALLY kicks your butt. It tears you up physically, psychologically, emotionally... if you don't learn a language, it can greatly hinder your education and career.

Spiritually, it can be great. It taught me a lot about empathy, helped develop emotional intelligence, and see outside myself. In some ways, I'm very grateful for the experience. But it's not something to undertake if your hestitant. I really wish the FP knew how much it can tear you up.

I would argue that it is a commandment for "every worthy young man". At least it's treated as such.
"Sir, it's quite possible this asteroid is not entirely stable." - C-3PO

Ashley
Posts: 13
Joined: 03 May 2017, 22:21

Re: Niece wants to serve a mission

Post by Ashley » 03 Jun 2017, 11:13

You guys All have good points, we just need to support her in this no matter how it turns out. It's just hard seeing someone you love wanting to go in a mission only out of fear, fear of never getting married if she doesn't.

User avatar
DarkJedi
Posts: 5280
Joined: 24 Aug 2013, 20:53

Re: Niece wants to serve a mission

Post by DarkJedi » 03 Jun 2017, 11:53

Ashley wrote:
03 Jun 2017, 11:13
You guys All have good points, we just need to support her in this no matter how it turns out. It's just hard seeing someone you love wanting to go in a mission only out of fear, fear of never getting married if she doesn't.
From what you've told us, I agree that it appears if she does go it will be out of fear. I think many, many have gone out of similar fear. I also think this is partly what Pres. Uchtdorf was trying to address in his GC talk. The only right reason for her (or anyone else) to go is because she wants to.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

My Introduction

Roy
Posts: 4263
Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: Niece wants to serve a mission

Post by Roy » 04 Jun 2017, 15:19

Some years ago I was in a tailspin of a faith crisis. I was grieving the stillbirth of my daughter and failed expectations. I would occasionally talk to my Mom about it. About a year later things had quieted down for me spiritually and I asked Mom if she had ever worried about me and my direction at that time. The words she told me were perfect. She said,
"You have a good heart and a strong mind. I always knew that you would find your way."
I try to give that same sentiment to the people around me that I care about.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

Curt Sunshine
Site Admin
Posts: 15312
Joined: 21 Oct 2008, 20:24

Re: Niece wants to serve a mission

Post by Curt Sunshine » 04 Jun 2017, 20:54

It is her life. Don't meddle in it unnecessarily - and trying to talk her out of something she wants to do is unnecessary.

If you have a strong relationship with her, I might tell her that missions can be extremely hard (and others aren't) and that they are about helping others, not ourselves. I then would ask simply if she really wants to do this now - not out of fear but deep in her own heart to serve others. If she says she does, smile and support her without question; if not, suggest she take a little time and see if she can develop that desire before she commits to go simply because she wants to help others.

If you don't have a strong relationship with her, back off and support her, no matter what.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

User avatar
LookingHard
Posts: 2566
Joined: 20 Oct 2014, 12:11

Re: Niece wants to serve a mission

Post by LookingHard » 05 Jun 2017, 06:10

You can also emphasis what I do with my kids on their missions. I tell them to just about ignore the numbers game and the pressure that comes with that. Instead focus on coming to know, love, and serve the people. I ask them if they saw Jesus if they would imagine him with a clipboard and first ask them what their last month's stats were.

And I think you have to say it in every letter you send her as the pressure (a bit less on the Sisters) is intense in some missions.

ydeve
Posts: 186
Joined: 30 May 2016, 21:38

Re: Niece wants to serve a mission

Post by ydeve » 07 Jun 2017, 12:28

I'd emphasize her making sure she wants to go for the right reasons. A mission is hard, and if you don't really want to be there, you can make life very hard for your companions. You might suggest she wait before putting in her papers. Say that it's not that she shouldn't go, but that it would help to take time to consider why she wants to go so that it will be a positive experience.

User avatar
DarkJedi
Posts: 5280
Joined: 24 Aug 2013, 20:53

Re: Niece wants to serve a mission

Post by DarkJedi » 07 Jun 2017, 12:57

ydeve wrote:
07 Jun 2017, 12:28
I'd emphasize her making sure she wants to go for the right reasons. A mission is hard, and if you don't really want to be there, you can make life very hard for your companions. You might suggest she wait before putting in her papers. Say that it's not that she shouldn't go, but that it would help to take time to consider why she wants to go so that it will be a positive experience.
Good point. I did notice in the first year or so after the age change there seemed to be a fairly high instance of sisters returning early ostensibly because they just couldn't deal with the stress and it was much harder than they thought it would be. I think it has happened less since then. As a side note, I get a few weekly emails from sisters serving from our area - and they always talk about how much fun their having. They might be having fun, but they also fail to talk about the parts that aren't fun. It was a long time ago, but the not-so-fun times far outnumbered the fun ones on my mission.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

My Introduction

Joni
Posts: 546
Joined: 22 Nov 2013, 08:36

Re: Niece wants to serve a mission

Post by Joni » 19 Jun 2017, 15:11

That's such a weird patriarchal blessing. Just weird.

I know members aren't supposed to compare PB's with other members, but it might be worth finding out if that particular patriarch said the same thing to other young women, especially after the age change. (I didn't realize how much patriarchs reused certain things until I listened to a Bill Reel podcast about that very thing.)

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users