LDS dating crisis

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
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Sheldon
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LDS dating crisis

Post by Sheldon » 30 May 2017, 09:08

Very interesting article here in Time Magazine . I have a particular interest in this as I have a daughter in her late 30s that was widowed last year due to cancer, who lives in Utah County.

The highlight of the article:
In Utah, there are 3 single women for 2 men (active LDS)
This has been caused by more men leave the religion than women
The lopsided numbers encourage Mormon men to hold out for the perfect wife, "paradox of choice" I'm dating a 9.5, but I'm holding out for a 9.8
Studies have shown that women are more likely to be treated as sex objects whenever men are scarce
Salt Lake City residents also spent inordinate sums on beauty products—$2.2 million in 2006 on hair coloring and $6.9 million on cosmetics and skin care products, according to Forbes. By comparison, Oklahoma City, a city with a slightly larger population, spent $172,000 and $594,000, respectively.

There is little chance my daughter will marry somebody in Utah where she can StayLDS.
Her best bet is to move to California and marry outside the faith.

Roy
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Re: LDS dating crisis

Post by Roy » 30 May 2017, 10:30

Very interesting article.

I am suspicious of explanations that seem to connect all the dots but I do believe that there are important demographic trends at play.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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Heber13
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Re: LDS dating crisis

Post by Heber13 » 30 May 2017, 11:31

Interesting.

I also wonder how it compares to LDS dating in other areas, like California.

And also dating outside the faith in a place like California.
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

Roy
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Re: LDS dating crisis

Post by Roy » 30 May 2017, 11:42

The dream for the Mormon man is to get married and have six kids. As he ages, his dream never changes. But when you’re a thirty-seven-year-old woman, you’ve already aged out of that dream
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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nibbler
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Re: LDS dating crisis

Post by nibbler » 30 May 2017, 11:46

Kelly Blake* is painfully aware of the horrible odds. A single Mormon in her late thirties, Blake is a reporter for a Salt Lake City television station. When Blake attends singles events for Mormons, she said there are often two women for every one man. As a result, Blake rarely meets suitable men in these settings and often winds up spending most of her time chatting with other women. “I’ll go on a [Mormon] singles cruise and come away with no dates but all these incredible new girlfriends,” Blake told me.

The lopsided numbers encourage Mormon men to hold out for the perfect wife, Blake said. “I call it the paradox of choice,” she explained. “For men, there are so many choices that choices are not made. The dream for the Mormon man is to get married and have six kids. As he ages, his dream never changes. But when you’re a thirty-seven-year-old woman, you’ve already aged out of that dream.”
I know a few single men in the church, never married, in their 50s, and they wouldn't characterize their current 'fate' in those terms. They aren't vacillating between settling for a 9.7 or a 9.9, they're desperately worried about making any connection at all. It's not just a date that's on the line, it's salvation and companionship.

Maybe passing on a 9.7 to hold out for the 9.9 works on the subconscious level but I think that's being a little unfair to the men. At least the ones I know. The Richard G. Scott quote in the article cut those friends to the quick. They weren't partying and delaying responsibilities, they were growing increasingly desperate and the desperation had more of an affect on making a connection than any supposed desire to sow wild oats.

Maybe the 9.7 vs 9.9 argument comes into play more for the 18 - 22 year olds, not the 31+ year olds. Time is on the side of the young.

Plus I find some humor in the quoted paragraphs. Blake can't meet suitable men on the cruise because there isn't enough choice and the men on the cruise can't meet suitable women because there's too much choice. There's a Woody Alan film in there someplace.

I forgot what it's like to be single (sorry, it's true) but if I were on a LDS singles cruise I'd be FAR too intimidated to approach an individual in a group of girls that had cliqued up to ask any of them out. I'm a wuss like that.
all sinners, a future, all saints, a past, beginning, the ending, return to ash

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nibbler
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Re: LDS dating crisis

Post by nibbler » 30 May 2017, 11:48

The dream for the Mormon man is to get married and have six kids.
Exhibit A in how people know nibbler is a convert. :P
all sinners, a future, all saints, a past, beginning, the ending, return to ash

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LookingHard
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Re: LDS dating crisis

Post by LookingHard » 30 May 2017, 11:54

nibbler wrote:
30 May 2017, 11:48
The dream for the Mormon man is to get married and have six kids.
Exhibit A in how people know nibbler is a convert. :P
You wanted a full DOZEN???

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nibbler
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Re: LDS dating crisis

Post by nibbler » 30 May 2017, 11:58

LookingHard wrote:
30 May 2017, 11:54
nibbler wrote:
30 May 2017, 11:48
The dream for the Mormon man is to get married and have six kids.
Exhibit A in how people know nibbler is a convert. :P
You wanted a full DOZEN???
:lolno:

I wanted to adopt a 26 year old multi-millionaire.
all sinners, a future, all saints, a past, beginning, the ending, return to ash

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DarkJedi
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Re: LDS dating crisis

Post by DarkJedi » 30 May 2017, 13:24

Roy wrote:
30 May 2017, 11:42
The dream for the Mormon man is to get married and have six kids. As he ages, his dream never changes. But when you’re a thirty-seven-year-old woman, you’ve already aged out of that dream
I'm not really sure that applied to me. I was 30 (almost 31) when I married. Here in the east pickins are slim and I was looking for a specific type of partner (not perfect mind you, but smart and independent, no "number scale" involved) and we eventually did meet. I wanted kids, not necessarily 6, and we ended up with 4. I think my wife, who is a couple years younger might have wanted more, but at the time and circumstance nor more made sense and it seems to be working out in the long run. My dream has definitely changed over time and I am far from living the dream. FWIW, I'm glad I married "late" and would not do that differently had I to do it over.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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SamBee
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Re: LDS dating crisis

Post by SamBee » 30 May 2017, 15:04

I don't care about the ratio - I've only had one sniff at a relationship in the church in the last few years... I get on with her but was not attracted to her.
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