Priesthood and infidelity

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
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DarkJedi
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Re: Priesthood and infidelity

Post by DarkJedi » 22 May 2017, 13:05

I too am sorry that this has happened to you. It's not what you bargained for, and who would? You have no more control over his agency than he has of yours.

I can only echo what others have said - you know him, you know your situation, you are in the best place to make the decision - and it is your decision.

The only thing I would caution against is blaming the church for actions or words of individuals. The guy who gave the blessing and the SPC who gave his advice are just giving their opinions and they are not professionals. I find that most "church teachings" are not church teachings at all - they are mostly the opinions of men (and much more infrequently women).
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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mom3
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Re: Priesthood and infidelity

Post by mom3 » 22 May 2017, 13:41

Jesus never asked anyone to be a doormat.

Like DJ said, don't confuse the church or even "the priesthood" with this. Even laying on of hands blessings. Whatever decision you make needs to be what you feel best about. Plenty of LDS divorces happen and the families do just fine. Infidelity is only one marriage conflict (and it sucks, too).

Either road you take will have ups and downs. Restarting life has challenges, but you are also in the drivers seat. I know plenty of wonderful remarried couples and families.

I am not advocating either choice, only stating that one man's opinion about marriage sanctity is just that - one man's opinion.

Years ago my husband's job transferred us far away from my home and family. I wasn't happy about it. The Relief Society President took it upon herself to remind me that President Kimball had said married children needed to live on their own. I was living on my own. My husband and I didn't reside with my family. We weren't even in the same ward or stake (and I had friends who were). I was ticked at her. Who was she to quote prophet claims to me when she didn't have a clue about me.

It took me a lot of years to realize she meant well. She probably was always being called on to soothe and advice sisters and families. Ironically my brother would become her teenage sons high school teacher. She was quite a smothering mother. My point is, like everyone else's here, if you think it's time to go. Go. Don't worry about messing up eternity. You won't. And Mr. SPC - may just find in time he really didn't know what he was talking about.
"I stayed because it was God and Jesus Christ that I wanted to follow and be like, not individual human beings." Chieko Okazaki Dialogue interview

"I am coming to envision a new persona for the Church as humble followers of Jesus Christ....Joseph and his early followers came forth with lots of triumphalist rhetoric, but I think we need a new voice, one of humility, friendship and service. We should teach people to believe in God because it will soften their hearts and make them more willing to serve." - Richard Bushman

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LDS_Scoutmaster
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Re: Priesthood and infidelity

Post by LDS_Scoutmaster » 22 May 2017, 18:15

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I've known many couples at this point of going through divorce for many different reasons and there is no telling what the outcome will be like. You definitely shouldn't be a doormat and be taken advantage of. I agree with what has been said you know the situation, will things change if you stay together? How do you really treat each other as people? Some decisions are almost made for us when we look at them objectively.
Think out all the decisions your head and the one that brings you peace is the one that you should follow. But like others have said I don't know you and I don't know your situation so my advice is only from an outsiders point of view with what little information I have.
I don't envy the choice that you have to make and the pain that is associated with your current situation and decision-making but I do wish you all the best and hope that the outcome is the one that is the best for everyone involved.
"When you do things right, people won't be sure you've done anything at all." God, according to Futurama

We are all imperfect beings, dealing with other imperfect beings, and we're doing it imperfectly.

Ashley
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Re: Priesthood and infidelity

Post by Ashley » 22 May 2017, 18:41

Only you know what's best for you, no amount of priesthood can tell you otherwise. hang in there and follow your gut...

unsure
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Re: Priesthood and infidelity

Post by unsure » 23 May 2017, 00:17

Reuben wrote:
21 May 2017, 08:41
My only questions have to do with making it work in this life. How dependent are you on him? Do you have a current skill set you can use to make money? Do you trust him to come through on support payments? Will he co-parent the children?
I"m sorry you are going through this. I have just a few quick comments although some of it's more or less been said already.

Most church people you talk to, especially the SP will tell you to stay together and work things out. Those are their opinions, nothing more. You are the only one that can decide when enough is enough.

People will say, God doesn't want families to break up. Well does God want marriages to be like the one you (and so many others) are living? Of course not.

As far as the questions above, as I have had to ask myself similar questions somewhat recently, I decided those were very poor reasons for staying in a marriage. Often times it's just easiest to stay where you are rather than making life harder. But eventually, if you make the right decisions, things will get better.

If for some reason you do decide to stay in the marriage I would sit down and figure out where the real issues lie. Unless there are other unknown addictions affecting his behavior, fixing the marriage won't be as simple as living closer geographically. Read the books the 5 love languages and His Needs, Her Needs. Read them together. Figure out what is missing and what can be fixed and improved on.

I truly wish you the best in whatever you decide.

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LookingHard
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Re: Priesthood and infidelity

Post by LookingHard » 23 May 2017, 07:27

Looking over this thread I caught again what you titled it.

It just brought up that often cited scripture of D&C 121:37
37 ... but when we undertake to ... exercise control or dominion or compulsion upon the souls of the children of men, in any degree of unrighteousness, behold, the heavens withdraw themselves; the Spirit of the Lord is grieved; and when it is withdrawn, Amen to the priesthood or the authority of that man.
I would only encourage you to take this to God and figure out in YOUR heart what needs to be done.

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Re: Priesthood and infidelity

Post by Ray DeGraw » 24 May 2017, 18:58

Frankly, he sounds somewhat narcissistic and manipulative - and not truly repentant, if he had to get caught for you to learn about it.

The Church doesn't forbid divorce for a reason: Some marriages are worse than ending them.

I can't say what you should do - but, if your description is accurate, I certainly would not argue with your conclusion.

Don't let anyone tell you what you should or must do. In this case, you need to be "an agent unto yourself", as the Book of Mormon says.

God bless you!
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

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Holy Cow
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Re: Priesthood and infidelity

Post by Holy Cow » 25 May 2017, 13:52

Llamamama, I'm sorry to hear about what you're going through. I would imagine your world is spinning right now. :(
I had to go back to your original introduction to get some context on your life, and saw that you have four children together. That definitely complicates things. As others have said, though, the decision you have ahead of you is all yours. Church leaders can (and will) offer their opinions, but this is ultimately your decision to make. The only advice I could offer would be to work through some of this with a professional marriage counselor. Somebody who will not push you to get back together, or push you to get divorced. A good counselor will leave that direction up to you, and will simply guide you through the process together. If you have kids together, then you will always be connected to some degree, whether you divorce or not. Going to a counselor to work on communication could only help, even if you ultimately divorce. As a divorced couple, you will still need to communicate with each other and keep things civil for your kids sake, and working with a professional marriage counselor could really help with a smooth transition from marriage to divorce. And you'll probably get much more objective (and reasonable) advice from a professional counselor than you will get from church leaders (they're only volunteers).
My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=6139

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Sheldon
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Re: Priesthood and infidelity

Post by Sheldon » 26 May 2017, 08:28

Any blessing that takes away somebodies else's free agency is NOT of God.

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DarkJedi
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Re: Priesthood and infidelity

Post by DarkJedi » 26 May 2017, 08:45

Sheldon wrote:
26 May 2017, 08:28
Any blessing that takes away somebodies else's free agency is NOT of God.
Good point, Sheldon. God will never interfere with agency.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

My Introduction

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