Children with shelves

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
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Orson
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Re: Children with shelves

Post by Orson » 05 May 2017, 13:38

Ashley wrote:
04 May 2017, 16:05
I'm trying to remember this as I heal " You either get bitter or get better. It's that simple. You either take what has been dealt to you and allow it to make you a better person, or you allow it to tear you down. The choice does not belong to fate, it belongs to you."
I love this. I am an odd type that sees value in the struggle, enough that at times I feel myself resisting a change in the church that would make it more accommodating to those of us who see things differently than the average member. I am the parent that hopes my children can experience the life changing struggles and rise out of them to new heights. It is common for parents to want to pave a smooth path for their children in life, to give them "everything". I have seen what "success" in that effort can do, and I'm probably judging but I see those children grow into underdeveloped adults.

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I first found faith, and thought I had all truth. I then discovered doubt, and claimed a more accurate truth. Now I’ve greeted paradox and a deeper truth than I have ever known.

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mom3
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Re: Children with shelves

Post by mom3 » 05 May 2017, 15:18

Orson wrote - I am an odd type that sees value in the struggle, enough that at times I feel myself resisting a change in the church that would make it more accommodating to those of us who see things differently than the average member.
I have a bit of this in me, too. I have often referred to it as a stroke or tsunami. It's big. It's unexpected. It wrecks everything. But after the shell shock when you sit down and assess you may find that it has brought more than it took. You will learn compassion, genuine love, clarity, and so much more. I believe at times this experience makes me more Christlike than anything I could have imagined. With this, I have the opportunity to love my enemies. Those enemies may even people I looked up to or once championed. I get to help the blind see (I don't take on every issue. But if I can help people who may never experience this get an idea of how to interact, work, or reframe their relationship with a faith changed person - then we have a miracle)

Now I am not as at peace with the process as Orson. I hope to be someday. But I would like the church to soften it's own rhetoric or to give loud enough support to things like woman used to give valid hands on head blessings to family and friends. Or Joseph Smith did use a stone in a hat for translation. I don't wish these things to make church more accommodating. I wish them because I believe it brings the body of the church up. Our understandings of how and what we do will be addressed and who knows what good that could lead to.

But this experience can be a gift if you choose to see it that way.
"I stayed because it was God and Jesus Christ that I wanted to follow and be like, not individual human beings." Chieko Okazaki Dialogue interview

"I am coming to envision a new persona for the Church as humble followers of Jesus Christ....Joseph and his early followers came forth with lots of triumphalist rhetoric, but I think we need a new voice, one of humility, friendship and service. We should teach people to believe in God because it will soften their hearts and make them more willing to serve." - Richard Bushman

Ashley
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Re: Children with shelves

Post by Ashley » 06 May 2017, 10:18

I've just read all the comments, thank you for all of your advice and kind words. I can't figure out how to quote more than one person at a time? I'll have to have my dad show me how :oops:

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DarkJedi
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Re: Children with shelves

Post by DarkJedi » 06 May 2017, 10:45

I just wanted to jump in and say welcome. I don't know that I have any children with shelves so to speak, but I certainly do have children with issues regarding policies and questions about things like the historicity of the BoM. I try to be as supportive of them as I would like people to be supportive of me. I try not to add things to their shelves (I believe in "do no harm") but if they ask or bring it up I'm not hesitant to share my point of view. It's actually nice to have a live person to discuss things with sometimes.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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Ray DeGraw
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Re: Children with shelves

Post by Ray DeGraw » 07 May 2017, 09:09

Welcome, Ashley.

I have six kids whose views cover a wide range. My most outspoken feminist (son) is fully active; my quieter son cares deeply about LGBTQ+ issues and currently is inactive.

People deal how people deal - individually. I hope this site helps you in some way.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

Ashley
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Re: Children with shelves

Post by Ashley » 07 May 2017, 21:30

update: we met with our Bishop today and it went as planned. He seemed exhausted like always and seeing him in that large chair behind his desk looking like he could use a nap, I became grateful that will never be my husband now. we told him that we no longer believe all that is taught at church but will continue to attend and participate as we see fit. He didn't ask and again said he didn't want to know, but said if we had any questions he would try and help us. He must know that we have been opening up to people in the ward, because at the end of the meeting he asked if we knew anyone else in the ward that was having doubts. Even if we did he must have known we were going to say no.

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