I can't anymore. I'm done with God.

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
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bridget_night
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Re: I can't anymore. I'm done with God.

Post by bridget_night » 20 Mar 2017, 08:46

Dear Joni,

I have been where you are several times in my life. The anger and frustration are awful. I too had stopped praying several times in my life.
1. was when I had my 3rd and last child. It was a horrible childbirth and my husbands business was not doing well. We went on a picnic for Labor day when my baby was only 2 months old. Some teenage boys started throwing large boulder rocks at us and I almost got knocked down in my back and dropped my baby. I was furious and did not want those boys to get a way with this. I was also very frightened and desperate enough to say: "God, I don't believe in you any more, but just incase you are there, please help me. I also told God that if He did not want me to stop praying to him to make this boys accountable. They had run away but I had my husband call the police and they found the boys and they did have to pay a price for what they did.

2. When my kids were teens was another time I lost my faith and stopped praying. I had been doing all the right things in the church, (paying tithing, going to the temple, etc. etc) but none of the blessings seemed to be coming. In fact everything had gotten worse. My kids were in trouble and my husband did not get his raise, the car and washer broke down, and now he left the church. Where we all the blasted blessings they kept preaching about from the pulpit. Then someone handed me a little book called "The 5 Day Plan to Know God." As I was reading, it talked about how the Jews were waiting for their Messiah to come save them from all their trials. When he came and told them he came to save them from their sins not their problems they were ticked off. A light bulb went off in me and I realized I was like those early Jews waiting for God to save me from all my problems. Suddenly I realized I had been living the gospel for the wrong reasons. That was a paradigm change for me and from then on I became focused on overcoming my sins and looking to Christ for support and answers.

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DarkJedi
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Joined: 24 Aug 2013, 20:53

Re: I can't anymore. I'm done with God.

Post by DarkJedi » 20 Mar 2017, 10:55

bridget_night wrote:
20 Mar 2017, 08:46
Dear Joni,

I have been where you are several times in my life. The anger and frustration are awful. I too had stopped praying several times in my life.
1. was when I had my 3rd and last child. It was a horrible childbirth and my husbands business was not doing well. We went on a picnic for Labor day when my baby was only 2 months old. Some teenage boys started throwing large boulder rocks at us and I almost got knocked down in my back and dropped my baby. I was furious and did not want those boys to get a way with this. I was also very frightened and desperate enough to say: "God, I don't believe in you any more, but just incase you are there, please help me. I also told God that if He did not want me to stop praying to him to make this boys accountable. They had run away but I had my husband call the police and they found the boys and they did have to pay a price for what they did.

2. When my kids were teens was another time I lost my faith and stopped praying. I had been doing all the right things in the church, (paying tithing, going to the temple, etc. etc) but none of the blessings seemed to be coming. In fact everything had gotten worse. My kids were in trouble and my husband did not get his raise, the car and washer broke down, and now he left the church. Where we all the blasted blessings they kept preaching about from the pulpit. Then someone handed me a little book called "The 5 Day Plan to Know God." As I was reading, it talked about how the Jews were waiting for their Messiah to come save them from all their trials. When he came and told them he came to save them from their sins not their problems they were ticked off. A light bulb went off in me and I realized I was like those early Jews waiting for God to save me from all my problems. Suddenly I realized I had been living the gospel for the wrong reasons. That was a paradigm change for me and from then on I became focused on overcoming my sins and looking to Christ for support and answers.
:thumbup: :thumbup: (Especially #2)
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

My Introduction

Joni
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Re: I can't anymore. I'm done with God.

Post by Joni » 06 Jun 2017, 10:12

Update, in case anyone was wondering: DH is still unemployed, and I am still convinced God hates me, in t the absence of evidence to the contrary. It's starting to look like this layoff is the one that breaks us. Once you've been laid off FIVE TIMES, potential employers assume you've done something wrong, and won't touch you with a ten foot pole.

Also, has anyone else had a... weird experience with getting food from the bishops storehouse? Literally every time I've done it (and this is MY responsibility, not my husband's) I've ended up getting shamed by somebody for doing it wrong. And yet every time we've tried to do it, the procedure has been different. And I'm really NOT in a place, mental health wise, where I feel like enduring embarrassment and self loathing for some ground beef and eggs.

I suppose the conventional wisdom here would be "beggars can't be choosers." Except that we aren't beggars. The bishop offered this assistance to us (even after we told him that our kids aren't in any danger of going hungry). And we've paid probably $80,000 in tithing over the last twenty-odd years, that's still a net gain to the church.

Anyway, I've picked up a third job and I'm probably going to be going back to school soon. When I do, one of the first things I'm doing is resigning my calling. I'm already spread pretty thin. And I'm no longer concerned about serving God when I already know how He feels about me. There is nothing I can do to gain His love or even His approval, so why even try?

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hawkgrrrl
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Re: I can't anymore. I'm done with God.

Post by hawkgrrrl » 06 Jun 2017, 11:37

I've been reading Tracy McKay's book The Burning Point, about her first husband's addiction problems that led to them losing everything and the formation of the Tracy McKay FMH Scholarship. It's been a great read. I wonder if you'd enjoy it, if for no other reason than knowing of someone else's struggles.

Roy
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Joined: 07 Oct 2010, 14:16
Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: I can't anymore. I'm done with God.

Post by Roy » 06 Jun 2017, 12:05

I am so sorry for your continued struggles. I would rather be an atheist than believe that God had it in for me. Please take care of yourself and those around you. Knowing when to say no to outside impositions is especially important when you just holding it together as it is.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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Minyan Man
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Joined: 15 Sep 2011, 13:40

Re: I can't anymore. I'm done with God.

Post by Minyan Man » 06 Jun 2017, 20:09

I am reading a new book.
It is written by: Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant.

Sheryl Sandberg is COO of Facebook. She is on the Board of Director's for different Corporations & a noted Professor, etc.
Her husband: David Goldberg died suddenly in 2016 at the age of 47 leaving his wife with (2) young children.
She has written a new book titled: Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy.
In it she details what she is going through & what she's learned in the process. I'm on page 68 & I highly recommend it.
It isn't written with the LDS perspective. But the principles apply.

This is some of the things she talks about:
-"I don't know anyone who has been handed only roses. We all encounter hardships. Some we see coming; others take us by surprise. It can be as tragic as the sudden death of a child, as heartbreaking as a relationship tha unravels, or as disappointing as a dream that goes unfulfilled. The question is: When these things happen, what do we do next?"
-"Resilience is the strength and speed of our response to adversity--and we can build it. It isn't about having a backbone. It's about strengthening the muscles around our backbone."
-"Discrimination, disease, and poverty cause and worsen tragedy. The sad truth is that adversity is not evenly distributed among us; marginalized and disenfranchised groups have more to battle and more to grieve."
-"We plant the seeds of resilience in the ways we process negative events."
-The Rabbi who led the funeral for her husband told her to "lean in to the suck & respect your feelings".
-The conclusion in the 1st chapter: "We all deal with loss: jobs lost, loves lost, lives lost. The question is not whether these things will happen. They will, and we will have to face them. Resilience comes from deep within us and from support outside us. It comes from gratitude for what's good in our lives and from leaning in to the suck. It comes from analyzing how we process grief and from simply accepting that grief. Sometimes we have less control than we think. Other times we have more. I learned that when life pulls you under, you can kick against the bottom, break the surface, and breathe again."

One of the problems with the web & sites like ours is: we can't see each other & look each other in the eye & say,
"I understand what you're going through". Many of us know what you're going through. Many of us have come through the other side & learned from the experience. That is no quick fix. For what it's worth I personally believe that God is not testing us. I do believe that he let's things happen that are not pleasant. Some of the time we won't feel comforted from Church or God for some time. Most people you come in contact with will not understand what you're going through. Some will. For those who will understand, hold onto them, develop & cherish their friendship. In the end, you will be more empathetic to others who go through what you are experiencing now. (end of the cliches.)

I wish you the best on your journey. Keep coming back & let us know how you're doing.

Joni
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Joined: 22 Nov 2013, 08:36

Re: I can't anymore. I'm done with God.

Post by Joni » 16 Jun 2017, 14:51

Hypothetical question: if a person leaves the Church, but improves her relationship with God, is that a net gain?

Obviously I can't leave the Church (at least not until my husband divorces me), but I sometimes wonder, just as a thought experiment, if I could relate to God the way my mainstream Christian friends do. If you could have a concept of God that isn't a petty tyrant, minus the 19th century sexism and the weird underwear and the 3 hours of church and the paying 10% on unemployment and the threat of eternal polygamy and the rules about how many holes I can have in my friggin' ears, would it be easier to love that God? An orthodox member like my husband would say of course not - that once you leave the Church you have cut yourself off from God's love forever and ever and ever (unless you come back, of course). But I wonder if a less Calvinist God would work better for me. (Like the one the Episcopalians have. I find it interesting that a lot of ex Mormons end up there.) What I have right now is simply not working.

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Reuben
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Joined: 05 Nov 2016, 10:04

Re: I can't anymore. I'm done with God.

Post by Reuben » 16 Jun 2017, 20:24

Joni wrote:
16 Jun 2017, 14:51
Hypothetical question: if a person leaves the Church, but improves her relationship with God, is that a net gain?
I'm an agnostic deist, but I would say this is obviously true. Also, I think there are a lot of people for whom it's not only possible, but probable.
Joni wrote:
16 Jun 2017, 14:51
Obviously I can't leave the Church (at least not until my husband divorces me),
There are a lot of options between resigning and 110% Grade-A-visiting-teaching-RS-presidency-primary-substituting-doing-all-the-Mormon-things activity.

Is divorce likely?
Joni wrote:
16 Jun 2017, 14:51
but I sometimes wonder, just as a thought experiment, if I could relate to God the way my mainstream Christian friends do. If you could have a concept of God that isn't a petty tyrant, minus the 19th century sexism and the weird underwear and the 3 hours of church and the paying 10% on unemployment and the threat of eternal polygamy and the rules about how many holes I can have in my friggin' ears, would it be easier to love that God? An orthodox member like my husband would say of course not - that once you leave the Church you have cut yourself off from God's love forever and ever and ever (unless you come back, of course). But I wonder if a less Calvinist God would work better for me. (Like the one the Episcopalians have. I find it interesting that a lot of ex Mormons end up there.) What I have right now is simply not working.
Is it possible that you're just a mental step away from what you want?

Do you believe in a God whose plan for you involves eternal polygamy?

Do you believe that he cares how many earrings you wear or that you have certain symbols stitched into your underwear?

Do you believe in a God who privileges men over women?

Do you believe in a God who demands sacrifice to a flawed organization as a condition of salvation?

Do you have to leave the Church in order to know and love the God you want to believe in? Or can you put up with the "outward performances" and 1950s mindset that Mormons love so much and judge each other by?
My intro

Love before dogma. Truth before loyalty. Knowledge before sanctity or certainty.

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LookingHard
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Joined: 20 Oct 2014, 12:11

Re: I can't anymore. I'm done with God.

Post by LookingHard » 16 Jun 2017, 21:26

Hypothetical question: if a person leaves the Church, but improves her relationship with God, is that a net gain?
I have heard many that say this is the case with them.

ydeve
Posts: 184
Joined: 30 May 2016, 21:38

Re: I can't anymore. I'm done with God.

Post by ydeve » 17 Jun 2017, 05:46

Joni wrote:
16 Jun 2017, 14:51
Hypothetical question: if a person leaves the Church, but improves her relationship with God, is that a net gain?
If you don't believe in the church's truth claims and social reasons aren't a factor, what benefit is there to staying in the church *if* you think that you will have a closer relationship to God outside it?

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