I Feel My Life is Over

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
User avatar
DarkJedi
Posts: 7225
Joined: 24 Aug 2013, 20:53

Re: I Feel My Life is Over

Post by DarkJedi » 06 Dec 2016, 14:35

Roadrunner wrote:
Roy wrote: What is the harm of laying my hands on my son's head and welcoming him to a "club" of men that he can hopefully look up to? If we are all staring annihilation in the face then what really matters? In my estimation what matters are the relationships that we build with each other.
This is exactly the philosophy I've adopted. It's sort of a twist on Pascal's wager. I don't believe much beyond God and Christ but at this point but by actively serving I'm hoping I can "do more good than harm" to my family and the people in my ward.

That being said my wife know the extent to which I (don't) believe and every once in a while when I'm tired or grumpy I remind her and it brings nothing but tears and sadness. We are on a lonely trail in this life and so are our spouses.
I'm pretty much in this same spot. That's part of the "orthoprax" me. I don't really view baptism as necessary, but I do believe it is an expression of faith or desire to show one's willingness to follow Christ if they so choose. I think it's very personal and could be done without any express authority (priesthood or otherwise). I did at one time delay my youngest son's baptism, and I actually feel bad about that - but I didn't know/believe then what I know/believe now. My greatest faith crisis regret is not participating in some of the rites of passage involving my children - it's something you can't undo. Had I participated with the attitude that it's all just symbolic to the individual receiving it anyway I would have no such regrets.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

My Introduction

User avatar
Reuben
Posts: 466
Joined: 05 Nov 2016, 10:04

Re: I Feel My Life is Over

Post by Reuben » 06 Dec 2016, 14:42

Roadrunner wrote:That being said my wife know the extent to which I (don't) believe and every once in a while when I'm tired or grumpy I remind her and it brings nothing but tears and sadness. We are on a lonely trail in this life and so are our spouses.
It occurred to me last week that my wife's trail is lonelier than mine. I have her and StayLDS. She has just me.

(There's Another Testament of Marriage, but if it's like Faces East was, it'll likely just depress her or make her worry that I'll go off the deep end.)
My intro

Love before dogma. Truth before loyalty. Knowledge before certainty.

User avatar
Shawn
Posts: 707
Joined: 07 Jun 2012, 14:22
Location: Utah

Re: I Feel My Life is Over

Post by Shawn » 06 Dec 2016, 22:06

Roy, I love you man. I really appreciate that you are trying to help me.
What is the harm of believing that a 12 year old boy is given the power and responsibility to help and bless others?
IMO, the harm is perpetuating a lie started by Joseph Smith. It's not right teaching young men that they have more power than their mothers.
DW and I were married in the temple so why not use that teaching to help reinforce that our kids have a sense of belonging that will never depart from them?
IMO, temples are tools to keep people in line. They are used to threaten families with eternal separation. They are a massive waste of money. People have to pay tithing to get a recommend and are taught to pay tithing to a wealthy corporation even if they can't afford food and water. That is abusive.

People spend time sitting in temples thinking they are doing service for dead people when they should be spending more time with the living.

Mormonism claims to put family first, but it maintains policies that split families apart for no good reason. My brother, who was my best man, didn't see me get married. Neither did my father-in-law. I might not see some of my kids get married because I don't believe in things that would, to me, be like believing in Santa Claus. This is infuriating.
Our family is "forever" first and foremost because we say it is. Second because we serve each other in love.
Amen! IMO, temples detract from that sentiment. I suspect some people believe temple ordinances are more important than love.
If "priesthood" and "eternal families" and even 'God" are just make believe concepts then why not own them and use them to help ease the frightening and risk filled journey we call life?
If those things are not real, then humanity should learn to live without them and rely more on things that are real.

I'll provide more reasons why I don't want to even tacilty support the church. I'll put it mildly because I remember the mission of this website. Maybe it will help for others to better understand my position.

My kids repeatedly hear about how bad the world is and that the boogeyman is out to get them along with his 35 billion evil minions. Children don't need fear pushed on them like that.

They are taught to follow priesthood leaders no matter what, even though priesthood leaders have supported institutional racism, sexism, and homophobia. Immeasurable damage has been done to people.

Being taught that prophets can't lead us astray when they obviously have in the past causes painful cognitive dissonance.

We are taught that sexual acts outside of marriage, even in loving and committed relationships, are sins next to murder - worse than kidnapping and torturing children. This is absurd.

We are taught to be humble to the point of grovelling in the dirt because we are never good enough and can never do enough.

Mormonism helps creates rigid, defensive, judgmental, self-critical, perfectionist, self-hating personalities.

I could write so much more. So, I don't seek a middle way in Mormonism at all. I would like to be free from it.
Last edited by Shawn on 27 Jan 2017, 17:27, edited 2 times in total.

User avatar
Shawn
Posts: 707
Joined: 07 Jun 2012, 14:22
Location: Utah

Re: I Feel My Life is Over

Post by Shawn » 06 Dec 2016, 22:11

Always Thinking wrote:Just want to clarify that you don't want your family to have family prayer or let your daughter be baptized? Just checking to make sure that's correct. I understand if she doesn't want to be baptized, but if she does, why not let her? And why not let your family have prayer together?
Yeah, I should clarify. It's true that I don't want my daughter to be baptized and I don't want my family to have family prayer. However, I haven't said or done anything to get in their way. It's not for me to allow or disallow those things. Well, maybe kids shouldn't make such a commitment at age 8, but I'm not going to start a fight.
Last edited by Shawn on 16 Nov 2017, 16:51, edited 1 time in total.

Curt Sunshine
Site Admin
Posts: 16832
Joined: 21 Oct 2008, 20:24

Re: I Feel My Life is Over

Post by Curt Sunshine » 07 Dec 2016, 11:28

I'm not going to start a fight.


Frankly, if you are going to be able to deal with your situation adequately, you need to commit fully to that - not just about baptism. I know that might sound harsh, but sitting on a fence too long only causes painful blisters in the most uncomfortable places possible.

Finally, as I have said previously, the most important thing you can do is find and commit to good help for your depression - whether that is medicine, counseling, coping mechanisms, whatever. That sort of issue clouds all other issues and inhibits your ability to balance the competing forces that are part and parcel of mortal life. Your top priority must be your own internal well-being - and leaving the Church will NOT fix you internally. You might or might not end up leaving, but neither choice will be best for you if you don't have your depression under more control. That simply has to be your top priority.

Please, friend, make that your priority.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

User avatar
Shawn
Posts: 707
Joined: 07 Jun 2012, 14:22
Location: Utah

Re: I Feel My Life is Over

Post by Shawn » 10 Dec 2016, 11:04

Ray, thanks for your post. You were not too harsh. Also, I would have responded sooner, but I've been really busy at work and I usually post when I have free time there.

I really do need therapy. I may as well start looking for a therapist now. Even if it takes several months, it's better than doing nothing. And if I had started the process several months ago, I'd be getting meaningful treatment now.
Last edited by Shawn on 27 Feb 2017, 12:27, edited 1 time in total.

User avatar
dtrom34
Posts: 44
Joined: 27 Apr 2015, 15:53

Re: I Feel My Life is Over

Post by dtrom34 » 13 Dec 2016, 12:38

I don't come on here as much as I used to, but I saw your post and knew I needed to read it. I've lost my religion too. I'm barely hanging on to some semblance of Christianity. I have no words of comfort for you, except to say that I understand at least some of what you are going through. Familial relationships, for me, have been the hardest thing about stepping away from the church. I'm rooting for you, and I hope you get whatever you need to carry on. Message me if you ever need someone to listen. I'm still new at everything with my faith transition, but I can be an empathetic ear.

User avatar
Shawn
Posts: 707
Joined: 07 Jun 2012, 14:22
Location: Utah

Re: I Feel My Life is Over

Post by Shawn » 27 Jan 2017, 17:34

Hey, everyone! I miss you.

Guess what. I found a therapist and I've seen him three times. It took only a few days after I called to make an appointment to get in to see him. I thinks it's doing some good.

He's an active LDS guy, but he's a bit unorthodox and the profile on his website says:
He especially enjoys working with: ...religious issues, faith transitions & crises...and issues related to multiculturalism/diversity (race, gender, sexual orientation, etc.). And he is a straight LGBTQ ally.
It's still a little weird because I want to say some very negative things about the church, Joseph Smith, and other things but I hold myself back. I think it's going to work out, though.

Minyan Man
Posts: 1974
Joined: 15 Sep 2011, 13:40

Re: I Feel My Life is Over

Post by Minyan Man » 27 Jan 2017, 21:30

Outstanding!! You made my day.

User avatar
Reuben
Posts: 466
Joined: 05 Nov 2016, 10:04

Re: I Feel My Life is Over

Post by Reuben » 28 Jan 2017, 01:46

That is flippin' awesome, Shawn. You made my day, too. Keep it up, keep getting better.
My intro

Love before dogma. Truth before loyalty. Knowledge before certainty.

Post Reply