Tom Haws wrote: Codependency. I desire to learn more about this.
If you're sincere about this, get ready for a real ride! For one thing, there are many definitions of codependency...so without reading a few descriptions, it can be quite confusing (maybe a better way to say that is when you DO read about each definition, it may confuse you even more!). "Codependency" started in the drug/alcohol recovery field. Melody Beattie wrote the book that most of us druggies trying to get well had to read called "Codependent No More." It's a great place to start. But I'll tell you that most read her descriptions and think to ourselves "but that's what we do when we love somebody!"
And of course there is some truth to that. But we must each find our healthy boundaries as it relates to relationships. As parents, we are natural enablers to our children. The question becomes how and when do we cut the umbilical chord? When we don't, both parties become "sick." One definition I find helpful is:
"As adults, codependent people have a greater tendency to get involved in relationships with people who are perhaps unreliable, emotionally unavailable, or needy. And the codependent person tries to provide and control everything within the relationship without addressing their own needs or desires; setting themselves up for continued unfulfillment."
I personally like to define it as "when a person's well-being depends on the outcomes of another's behaviors."
Fast-forward to religion...particularly Mormonism. We are taught to have "stewardship" over many people; our families, our HTing families, our ward members (as leaders), and so on. Then we go on missions and charged to convert people there. We spend so much time and effort on others that we tend to disregard our own needs. To an extent, "spirituality" is experienced only when serving others. That leaves out a whole segment of spiritual experience! Some of my most sacred spiritual experiences have been while I was alone in nature.
To top it off, there is a common tendency to consider self-improving activities as "selfish," a negative trait in the church culture.
So the point is (I hope), that when we live for another's outcomes in life, we set ourselves up for disappointment, since we only can totally control ourselves. Others are different than we are, and they will have different ways of thinking and doing life. That results in disappointment and depression. It is only when we learn to truly put ourselves first, and not feel the least bit guilty about doing so, that we can find our ultimate bliss.
That's the start....
Überzeugungen sind oft die gefährlichsten Feinde der Wahrheit.
[Certainty (that one is correct) is often the most dangerous enemy of the
truth.] - Friedrich Nietzsche
God is a metaphor for that which transcends all levels of intellectual thought. It's as simple as that. -- Joseph Campbell