Loneliness

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
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SilentDawning
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Joined: 09 May 2010, 19:55

Loneliness

Post by SilentDawning » 21 Apr 2015, 17:15

Just curious if you ever feel lonely, in spite of having a family, a job, social circles, etcetera.

I am not sure why, but I have periods when I feel much like I did when I was a single man in his late twenties in the church -- when I had no one. I don't put it down to my distance from the church. It's something that crops up every so often -- perhaps once a year, where there is feeling of needing to talk to someone on a deep level, and no one close by seems to fit the bill -- even though I have a wife, children, and a close friend who are only a phone call away. None of those avenues seem to be suitable right now. I'm not even sure what I would talk about.

Have you ever experienced this, and do you find that prayer helps fill the void?

[I am not really suffering -- it's not dire -- just a sense of hollowness this evening when I have a brief lull in the rapid pace and long work days I tend to keep].
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

A man asked Jesus "do all roads lead to you?" Jesus responds,”most roads don’t lead anywhere, but I will travel any road to find you.” Adapted from The Shack, William Young

startpoor
Posts: 193
Joined: 22 Nov 2013, 13:43

Re: Loneliness

Post by startpoor » 21 Apr 2015, 18:10

Yes. I find it much harder to be friends with other members than I used to. Hard to have a deep conversation even with well meaning people. In these times, reading books, watching tv, or other things I keep myself distracted with don't appeal anymore. Sorry you're feeling this way. I haven't found anything that helps. Except time. Things move on and I find my need for deep conversation either resolved through talking with someone or through the desire going away again. Good luck. God bless.


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Happiness (n.) The state of being in compliance with Mormon norms, regardless of one’s actual resulting emotional state

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mom3
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Joined: 02 Apr 2011, 14:11

Re: Loneliness

Post by mom3 » 21 Apr 2015, 18:22

My husband is right there with you. He is trying to find local social groups to join. There are lists online for people to join like walking groups, bike riding and so on.

I get lonely, too. Even when I have family, job, etc. The ache is real. Even when I was TBM.

My sympathies to you.
"I stayed because it was God and Jesus Christ that I wanted to follow and be like, not individual human beings." Chieko Okazaki Dialogue interview

"I am coming to envision a new persona for the Church as humble followers of Jesus Christ....Joseph and his early followers came forth with lots of triumphalist rhetoric, but I think we need a new voice, one of humility, friendship and service. We should teach people to believe in God because it will soften their hearts and make them more willing to serve." - Richard Bushman

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LookingHard
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Re: Loneliness

Post by LookingHard » 21 Apr 2015, 18:33

Yes I can relate. During the middle of my faith crisis the isolation was terrible. I do know someone across town and I think I am going to head out to lunch with him sometime just to chat.

In fact the last while I have realized that there isn't much in my life that excites me or gives me pleasure. I think in my case I am falling back into a mild depression and I am looking for a new therapist. The biggest issue is I live where there are only a few LDS counselors. The one that is close and not on my insurance plan isn't all that great. I am now looking at a non-LDS therapist, but certainly I feel that I am going to have to explain things about my religion and faith crisis to them and I am not sure they will get it.

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West
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Joined: 26 Aug 2014, 14:42

Re: Loneliness

Post by West » 21 Apr 2015, 19:10

Yes, I get it every once in a while. It's usually tied in with my anxiety-induced depression, which has become much rarer now the older I've gotten and the more I've developed coping and practiced techniques. It has also helped that I've surrounded myself with good, supportive family and friends, and although I'm an extrovert, I have introvert-level of comfort when I find myself alone with nothing to do.

The loneliness does pop up, though. Sometimes it shows when I'm reminded of my high school friends who are almost all married and mostly all with kids. I really love my single life and the ability to do almost whatever I want whenever I want (in terms of life experiences, like moving or getting a job or even going on a mission). And I had a close friend the other day point out that she's certain I would be miserable if I had gotten married and started having kids as young as some of our friends. But...sometimes, you just can't help feeling lonely.
Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. -Albert Einstein

And God said 'Love Your Enemy,' and I obeyed him and loved myself. -Kahlil Gibran

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DarkJedi
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Joined: 24 Aug 2013, 20:53

Re: Loneliness

Post by DarkJedi » 21 Apr 2015, 19:21

I'm in the boat, too. Cowboys "never stay home and they're always alone, even with someone they love."
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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Minyan Man
Posts: 1702
Joined: 15 Sep 2011, 13:40

Re: Loneliness

Post by Minyan Man » 21 Apr 2015, 20:32

Absolutely. For me, it seems to be seasonal too. Fall is especially bad.
Summer is best because of the sun.
That's the explanation I use.

It's good you recognize it for yourself.
Then it's easier to deal with, I believe.

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SilentDawning
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Joined: 09 May 2010, 19:55

Re: Loneliness

Post by SilentDawning » 22 Apr 2015, 05:18

Wow! I expected this thread to be one of those topics with 30 views and no comments. Nice to know I'm not alone.

I agree as LookinHard mentioned, that it iss related to not having anything exciting on the horizon.

I believe I suck the marrow out of life regularly, with a lot of interesting projects and experiences (I have several bands, perform regularly, learn a lot of new things with constant education, dabble in a lot of small business interests, take on new projects all the time) but there comes a time when the projects become routine, and the novelty wears off on those things, and it seems a bit like work. I think that is partly what prompted the loneliness yesterday evening During those times, it's time for new challenges.

The lonely feeling passed, however, and I feel back to normal today. It only lasted an evening. I did something unusual that helped it pass. Normally my wife likes me to watch TV with her, and it's always whatever show she is into. I usually just watch it so at least we have something to do together. Last night I picked a show from Netflix that looked interesting, and asked her to watch it with me. She actually liked it, and it distracted me from the loneliness since I got to pick the show. Sounds minor, but it worked. Today I'm energized again.

Glad to know the rest of you have these periods of loneliness. I guess it's quite common.

What are your coping strategies? How do you kick yourself out of it?
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

A man asked Jesus "do all roads lead to you?" Jesus responds,”most roads don’t lead anywhere, but I will travel any road to find you.” Adapted from The Shack, William Young

Minyan Man
Posts: 1702
Joined: 15 Sep 2011, 13:40

Re: Loneliness

Post by Minyan Man » 22 Apr 2015, 06:11

Lonely for the day. That requires a piece of chocolate.
Lonely for a couple of days, I call my brother or sister. That always picks me up.
Lonely for more then a couple of days, I call a friend for lunch.

In between I try to get exercise.
Another topic that I want to explore sometime is: How do you handle anger?

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nibbler
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Location: Ten miles west of the exact centre of the universe

Re: Loneliness

Post by nibbler » 22 Apr 2015, 08:43

Yes. That's been me most of my life, alone in a crowd.
Many men go fishing all of their lives without knowing that it is not fish they are after.
— Henry David Thoreau

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