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Re: Swinging

Posted: 17 Feb 2015, 12:33
by Roadrunner
university wrote:So basically I feel like I'm swinging between having hope I can stay and really wanting it and then feeling despair and utter hopelessness that I can be happy in this church... Are there ways that you guys have coped with this?
My swinging has lessened over the years but I still experience it. Sometimes my swing is "pushed" occasionally by random events like comments at church, by Sheldon Cooper on the Big Bang Theory, by my family. Then the swinging slows again.

This board helps a lot because I'm reminded that there are people out there like me. I occasionally journal my thoughts, and it serves as an outlet. I attend church events that I know I will enjoy and which will remind me that there are many positive attributes of the church and the people in it. I listen to MOTAB - good music uplifts me. I struggle with clinical anxiety and so I exercise a lot to help with that. When I don't exercise, my emotions (including this swinging you reference) get out of whack. These are all coping mechanisms of sorts for me.

Hang in there.

Re: Swinging

Posted: 17 Feb 2015, 20:56
by hawkgrrrl
Given the subject of this thread, I have to say I'm glad it's not what I thought it was.

Re: Swinging

Posted: 17 Feb 2015, 21:01
by LookingHard
hawkgrrrl wrote:Given the subject of this thread, I have to say I'm glad it's not what I thought it was.
I thought I was the only one. :shock: I thought I was over on ldssexuality.com instead of staylds.com

Re: Swinging

Posted: 17 Feb 2015, 23:24
by Ann
hawkgrrrl wrote:Given the subject of this thread, I have to say I'm glad it's not what I thought it was.
And now it's displaying right next to the thread about 50 Shades! :lol:

Roadrunner - I definitely identify with the swinging. I trust more than I used to that I'll swing back...and forth....and am less scared that I'll be stuck anywhere for long. Taking care of the physical self is really important. And I thank heaven the days are getting longer, too.

Re: Swinging

Posted: 18 Feb 2015, 12:05
by West
Oh c'mon guys, I was hoping to avoid 50 Shades talk on at least one social media website I frequent. ;)

I also go through the swinging phase. It's getting a tiny bit more frequent the closer I get to my mission, but at the same time, the intense relief that I will be going on my mission post-FC and well and comfortably into my faith transition stage is much stronger. That sounds weird, maybe, but there it is.

Like you, university, there are a few times a week when I look at my sister, who married in the temple to please our parents but now is privately not Mormon, staying only in the church outwardly to "set a good example" for our many younger siblings, and I wish that I could just go back to when one of my driving life goals was to marry in the temple, too. But I look at where I am spiritually now, and unless I ever found someone who shared the same beliefs as me and was still LDS and able to go to the temple, I don't think I could stomach marrying a TBM. Having gone my entire life with the taught thought that I absolutely had to marry in the temple, and even being taught in primary to feel pity for those women (it seems like it was mostly women) we heard about who married out of the temple, it's a very difficult thing for me to let go.

In the end, I focus on what I believe about the nature of God as I understand and have experienced it. There are marvelous coincidences in my life and the life of my family that have happened over the years and continue to happen even now that have led me to believe that the church is where we are meant to be for one reason or another. I don't know how my family has managed to be so lucky when so many other have not. But it's something I can focus on and feel so powerfully about; the feeling I once so strongly associated with the Spirit comes up whenever I think about those experiences and how much they mean to me and my family. So I focus on those.

So like others have said, focus on your beliefs. The beauty of life is that we are all different even if it seems like we are walking on the same path. There are many ways to travel in the right direction.

Re: Swinging

Posted: 18 Feb 2015, 13:36
by amateurparent
My husband has a transgender colleague who is my FB friend. Another FB friend is a LDS Pulpit pounder. To see them both comment on an online story is amazingly entertaining. They are polar opposites in their views, and both excellent human beings. Politically and religiously, I align myself with neither.

I do like the term "Middle ground". My DH would like me to be TBM. I cannot be that. This last week, he asked if I had totally gone to the ExMormon.com crowd. Nope .. Not that either.

Such a journey of self discover! I am enjoying the process of figuring out what I beleive. For the first time ever, I get to figure out my relationship with God .. Without anyone telling me what it is supposed to be.

It feels like I'm going on a true adventure.

Re: Swinging

Posted: 18 Feb 2015, 13:43
by SilentDawning
I think you have to find other things in which to take comfort. I take comfort in different things now that I have found the church isn't there for me even on temporal issues that are well within their power (I am NOT talking about church welfare). And that for decades, it was misleading about its history. I have comfort that I will have no regrets about how I am using my time right now (although I could spend more time with my son).

Far more comfort than I would have if I was spending all my spare time in low value-added activities like chasing less active people or cleaning up ward records, or sitting through leadership and priesthood meetings with no published agenda, which may, or may not be of importance to me. I am rarely ever bored any more -- and boredom was a staple of my LDS experience when I was fully active.

Comfort that I believe God is merciful and sees the big picture of our lives. Comfort that when I pray, I do feel some aspect of the Spirit. Comfort in the fact that as I've gotten older, I've been capable of achieving so much more than I was as a young person, and that I expect that to continue in the after-life. Comfort that I have done a lot of good in my life, and that I believe God will acknowledge it somehow -- as well as some of the extraordinary circumstances I have faced in my life that have made me who I am.

Comfort knowing there are a lot of other people (like people here) who share in concerns about the implications of a fully active, TR-holding life in the church. I am much happier now without it being so prevalent in my life. Way happier -- and that is a source of comfort as well. But I would be sad if it was totally gone. Being a a Mormon is part of what I was, and part of what I am. But it has boundaries now. Boundaries are good...

Re: Swinging

Posted: 18 Feb 2015, 14:24
by LookingHard
SilentDawning wrote:I think you have to find other things in which to take comfort. I take comfort in different things now that I have found the church isn't there for me even on temporal issues that are well within their power (I am NOT talking about church welfare). And that for decades, it was misleading about its history. I have comfort that I will have no regrets about how I am using my time right now (although I could spend more time with my son).

Far more comfort than I would have if I was spending all my spare time in low value-added activities like chasing less active people or cleaning up ward records, or sitting through leadership and priesthood meetings with no published agenda, which may, or may not be of importance to me. I am rarely ever bored any more -- and boredom was a staple of my LDS experience when I was fully active.

Comfort that I believe God is merciful and sees the big picture of our lives. Comfort that when I pray, I do feel some aspect of the Spirit. Comfort in the fact that as I've gotten older, I've been capable of achieving so much more than I was as a young person, and that I expect that to continue in the after-life. Comfort that I have done a lot of good in my life, and that I believe God will acknowledge it somehow -- as well as some of the extraordinary circumstances I have faced in my life that have made me who I am.

Comfort knowing there are a lot of other people (like people here) who share in concerns about the implications of a fully active, TR-holding life in the church. I am much happier now without it being so prevalent in my life. Way happier -- and that is a source of comfort as well. But I would be sad if it was totally gone. Being a a Mormon is part of what I was, and part of what I am. But it has boundaries now. Boundaries are good...
I can just feel the hate and anger between the lines of what you are saying. NOT. I really like how calm and at peace you sound with where you are.
amateurparent wrote:It feels like I'm going on a true adventure.
I agree. I am moving a bit out of my anger stage and more into figuring out what I am going to do.

Re: Swinging

Posted: 19 Feb 2015, 07:53
by LDS_Scoutmaster
Great post university, and a lot of good replies. Except for the 50 shades conversation that filtered in haha! I have no desire to watch anoter chickflick. I know i know there are merits to it i just don't want to throw my hat in.

I would say to your original question about how to cope with these extreme views is it doesn't matter. You maybe just have to let it go . I have a few friends that are democrat, I know right? And they have varying views on many different things, it's true that most members of the church are republicans or a good majority but that doesn't mean theres no room for dems or libertarians like me. We'll deal with these different views in different ways so I would say knowing that, you're going to come up with different views is let it go.
I said to myself im not going to let other people keep from going to my church. That's how I deal with the extreme letter of the law people and the anything goes crowd. I am now at a good place where I don't condemn or judge quickly and harshly like I used to when I hear that so and so is drinking coffee or has a stripper pole in the basement. I also allow those that thump the pulpit and say we're not doing enough because we're not following this or that to have their say.
I remember a talk about 15 years ago, about the letter of the law ppl and the spirit of the law ppl getting along and allowing each other to have their views. I didn't totally understand it at the time like i do now.
Whoever gave it had probably had their own crisis or was trying to find a way to cope.
It can be done.

Re: Swinging

Posted: 19 Feb 2015, 13:40
by Heber13
LDS_Scoutmaster wrote:I remember a talk about 15 years ago, about the letter of the law ppl and the spirit of the law ppl getting along and allowing each other to have their views. I didn't totally understand it at the time like i do now.
Whoever gave it had probably had their own crisis or was trying to find a way to cope.
It can be done.
Good comments, LDS_Scoutmaster.

You may be referring to Richard Poll's talk on What the Church Means to People Like Me

He talks of Iron Rod members (letter of the law) and Liahona members (spirit of the law):
Both kinds of members are found at every level of Church responsibility--in bishoprics and Relief Society presidencies, in stake presidencies and high councils, and even among the General Authorities. But whatever their private orientation, the public deportment of the General Authorities seems to me to represent a compromise, which would be natural in the circumstances. They satisfy the Iron Rods by emphasizing the solid core of revealed truth and discouraging speculative inquiry into matters of faith and morals, and they comfort the Liahonas by resisting the pressure to make pronouncements on all subjects and by reminding the Saints that God has not revealed the answer to every question or defined the response to every prayer.

As I have suggested, the Iron Rods and the Liahonas have some difficulty understanding each other. Lacking the patience, wisdom, breadth of experience, or depth of institutional commitment of the General Authorities, we sometimes criticize and judge each other. But usually we live and let live--each finding in the Church what meets his needs and all sharing the Gospel blessings which do not depend on identity of testimony.