Oh c'mon guys, I was hoping to avoid 50 Shades talk on at least one social media website I frequent.
I also go through the swinging phase. It's getting a tiny bit more frequent the closer I get to my mission, but at the same time, the intense relief that I will be going on my mission post-FC and well and comfortably into my faith transition stage is much stronger. That sounds weird, maybe, but there it is.
Like you, university, there are a few times a week when I look at my sister, who married in the temple to please our parents but now is privately not Mormon, staying only in the church outwardly to "set a good example" for our many younger siblings, and I wish that I could just go back to when one of my driving life goals was to marry in the temple, too. But I look at where I am spiritually now, and unless I ever found someone who shared the same beliefs as me and was still LDS and able to go to the temple, I don't think I could stomach marrying a TBM. Having gone my entire life with the taught thought that I absolutely had to marry in the temple, and even being taught in primary to feel pity for those women (it seems like it was mostly women) we heard about who married out of the temple, it's a very difficult thing for me to let go.
In the end, I focus on what I believe about the nature of God as I understand and have experienced it. There are marvelous coincidences in my life and the life of my family that have happened over the years and continue to happen even now that have led me to believe that the church is where we are meant to be for one reason or another. I don't know how my family has managed to be so lucky when so many other have not. But it's something I can focus on and feel so powerfully about; the feeling I once so strongly associated with the Spirit comes up whenever I think about those experiences and how much they mean to me and my family. So I focus on those.
So like others have said, focus on your
beliefs. The beauty of life is that we are all different even if it seems like we are walking on the same path. There are many ways to travel in the right direction.
Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid. -Albert Einstein
And God said 'Love Your Enemy,' and I obeyed him and loved myself. -Kahlil Gibran