Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
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LookingHard
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Re: Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Post by LookingHard » 20 Oct 2014, 18:04

Bill,

I feel for ya man, but you are doing the right thing. If you honestly feel even after praying that taking the calling is going to lead to more burnout, you do owe it not to your Family only, but to YOURSELF. There is a difference between losing yourself in service (you feel GREAT and want to do more) and being stretched too thin (you just feel like you want it to all end).

We should all be working to become like Christ, which includes serving for sure (in many ways, not just in church). But we can't be perfect in that in a matter of one moral lifetime.

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SilentDawning
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Re: Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Post by SilentDawning » 20 Oct 2014, 19:08

DBMormon wrote:
SilentDawning wrote: I find many traits of 4 and 5 to be relative to my position. Some of 4 is behind me and some of 5 sounds foreign to me still and I grasp intellectually what I need to get to, I don't emotionally grasp how to get there
For stage 5, I can share how I see it. When church service became a grind, and I started feeling like an unpaid employee, I went through my own commitment crisis. After I withdrew from intensely active church life, I found a hole in my life. I was so used to doing service that I felt like I had too much time on my hands, and that I was missing something. Part of me felt guilty I wasn't serving in the church, and part of me just wanted to serve others with my talents -- but in a way that was meaningful for me, and helped me grow in ability and character.

So, I went to the community and here, took some much bigger risks. No longer did I have the safety of the CHI (which I abhorred anyway after a while) and knowledge of the culture in the church, which is pretty well reinforced and obvious. Further, I was now contending with people who had a wide variety of value systems, and there were also power relationships involved in local government that I had never experienced. The whole thing was new and therefore, risky. I was also talking to audiences about things that were new to me. Risky....I made a ton of mistakes (like firing the aide of a local government official from a volunteer committee after she displayed repeated unacceptable behavior) as well as faux pas regarding interactions with elected officials that got me "slapped".

I now see my service as independent of any institution. Its for mankind, in whatever context where the needs of the world and my own talents and passions overlap. I don't care about position any longer either. Being president of something or even on a board of directors hasn't mattered much lately -- what matters is getting the results for the stakeholder group I'm serving.

Not sure if that explains it, but in a nutshell, I feel this sense that my talents are for the world and not for the church only. That my service is a kind of mission that serves others, while also developing my character at the same time. And its independent of position and power relationships.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"Stage 5 is where you no longer believe the gospel as its literally or traditionally taught. Nonetheless, you find your own way to be active and at peace within it". -- SD

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1576

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Heber13
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Re: Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Post by Heber13 » 24 Oct 2014, 15:25

Bill...I respect you as I've listened to your thoughts over the years. Glad you take time to share what you do.

I do think church can be a different experience in different areas. If you lived in Arizona, California, Colorado or Idaho or any area that has multiple large wards in a small geographic area...you could probably more easily take a break and there are other resources the leadership can look at for stepping up, next saint in line kinda thing.

When I lived back east...they were always needing help, and looking for people who could fill one or two callings...because they didn't know what else to do.

I think you're pretty good to learn to hold your ground and do what is best for you and your family.

Whether they understand the Dark Night of the Soul or not...they just have to respect a father's wishes to help keep family first, not sacrifice all for the church.
Luke: "Why didn't you tell me? You told me Vader betrayed and murdered my father."
Obi-Wan: "Your father... was seduced by the dark side of the Force. He ceased to be Anakin Skywalker and became Darth Vader. When that happened, the good man who was your father was destroyed. So what I told you was true... from a certain point of view."
Luke: "A certain point of view?"
Obi-Wan: "Luke, you're going to find that many of the truths we cling to...depend greatly on our point of view."

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cwald
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Re: Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Post by cwald » 24 Oct 2014, 18:43

Peace friend.

If you still want to do a podcast, I'm probably at the state to do so.

I have no fame like mamy of your latest guests, nor am i a "stayLDS" champion, so it may not work for your pod and I'll understand.
  Jesus gave us the gospel, but Satan invented church. It takes serious evil to formalize faith into something tedious and then pile guilt on anyone who doesn't participate enthusiastically. - Robert Kirby

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Ilovechrist77
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Re: Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Post by Ilovechrist77 » 25 Oct 2014, 18:07

Bill, I'm grateful for all the things you are doing for others that have faith crises.

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Shades of Grey
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Re: Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Post by Shades of Grey » 26 Oct 2014, 00:50

The question I would ask you DB, is part of your apprehension here that these time consuming callings (one after another) have potential to effect the wonderful work your doing with the podcast? If so, I think it's a very legitimate fear in that the individual "minisrty " you seem to have been called to in this digital age gets stretched thin. Trying to balance ones individual divine calling in life with what the organization has in mind is very conflicting. I have found it to be so in my life too. I love your work on the internet and I'm so grateful for the podcast you did with Mormon Stories, it came at a very critical time in my life
Everybody can be great. Because anybody can serve. You don't have to have a college degree to serve. ...You don't have to know the second theory of thermodynamics in physics to serve. You only need a heart full of grace. A soul generated by love. ~Martin Luther King Jr.

“You have to carry the fire."I don't know how to."Yes, you do."Is the fire real? The fire? "Yes it is."Where is it? I don't know where it is." Yes you do. It's inside you. It always was there. I can see it.”― Cormac McCarthy, The Road

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DBMormon
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Re: Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Post by DBMormon » 26 Oct 2014, 05:02

Shades of Grey wrote:The question I would ask you DB, is part of your apprehension here that these time consuming callings (one after another) have potential to effect the wonderful work your doing with the podcast? If so, I think it's a very legitimate fear in that the individual "minisrty " you seem to have been called to in this digital age gets stretched thin. Trying to balance ones individual divine calling in life with what the organization has in mind is very conflicting. I have found it to be so in my life too. I love your work on the internet and I'm so grateful for the podcast you did with Mormon Stories, it came at a very critical time in my life
No. I do the podcast on Tuesdays during my day off when the rest of the family is at work/school. I also put out so many episodes that I can take the summer off almost completely.

My issues is this - I am simply burnt out from serving in the Church. Our Bishop was my 1st councelor when I was Bishop. After Bishop I was called as WML and in Ward Council he would still look to me and specifically at me for suggestions and advice, which felt uncomfortable as it was obvious he was giving deference to me over others opinions. I get why he did it and he is a great man but it seemed to not fit. So combining that with being burned out, I asked for a release. I would not turn any calling away. I would happily accept a calling as a teacher to adults (sunday School or PH) I would happily accept a calling to teach older youth. I happily accepted my calling as 1st C in Sunday School. There are others I would happily accept. But I would not accept anything. It at this time in my life has to be a good fit. It has to be something I can swim in and enjoy. It has to feel right. Not only do I have to assume the Bishopric was inspired, but I have to feel it was inspired. I hope to not be in this place forever and I am not recommending that others take this same approach as "this is the ideal way to serve in the Church" as it is not.

But for me right this moment, it is the only way I will maintain my positive edge. My service in the Church while enjoyable has always been about serving others from day one as at least a equal factor. Right now it is 100% about my having peace and enjoying church.... that is the main drive and I wish it weren't so but for my sanity, it must be so right now.

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DBMormon
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Re: Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Post by DBMormon » 26 Oct 2014, 05:02

Ilovechrist77 wrote:Bill, I'm grateful for all the things you are doing for others that have faith crises.
Thank You

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DBMormon
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Re: Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Post by DBMormon » 26 Oct 2014, 05:04

cwald wrote:Peace friend.

If you still want to do a podcast, I'm probably at the state to do so.

I have no fame like mamy of your latest guests, nor am i a "stayLDS" champion, so it may not work for your pod and I'll understand.
I do, IF (big IF) we can find some way to keep it leaning positive. You can still talk about frustration and doubt, but is there any aspect that would build faith (how you have maintained friendships, family relationships, supported others still active)?

Also Thanks for your kind words!!!

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DBMormon
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Re: Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Post by DBMormon » 26 Oct 2014, 05:06

Heber13 wrote:Bill...I respect you as I've listened to your thoughts over the years. Glad you take time to share what you do.

I do think church can be a different experience in different areas. If you lived in Arizona, California, Colorado or Idaho or any area that has multiple large wards in a small geographic area...you could probably more easily take a break and there are other resources the leadership can look at for stepping up, next saint in line kinda thing.

When I lived back east...they were always needing help, and looking for people who could fill one or two callings...because they didn't know what else to do.

I think you're pretty good to learn to hold your ground and do what is best for you and your family.

Whether they understand the Dark Night of the Soul or not...they just have to respect a father's wishes to help keep family first, not sacrifice all for the church.
I agree. though I don't think a "only if it blesses me" approach should be a lifelong one. I am hoping this is only a phase or a stage, and I can get back to serving wherever needed.

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