Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
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DBMormon
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Re: Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Post by DBMormon » 26 Oct 2014, 05:07

LookingHard wrote:Bill,

I feel for ya man, but you are doing the right thing. If you honestly feel even after praying that taking the calling is going to lead to more burnout, you do owe it not to your Family only, but to YOURSELF. There is a difference between losing yourself in service (you feel GREAT and want to do more) and being stretched too thin (you just feel like you want it to all end).

We should all be working to become like Christ, which includes serving for sure (in many ways, not just in church). But we can't be perfect in that in a matter of one moral lifetime.
I just don't want to always be at burn-out stage. I hope for a new day sometime ahead.

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Sheldon
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Re: Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Post by Sheldon » 26 Oct 2014, 10:20

I got over the "burnt out phase" by just saying NO!

At 57, and having been a bishop, a counselor twice, and EQP twice, I'm done doing the heavy lifting. I'll teach a class, but thats about it. I don't want to be in the HPG leadership, Nor YM (I turned down a Stake YM calling this year.). Once I've reached this point, and accepted it in my life, it is very liberating! When I get a call from the Stake Exc Sec, there is no dreading for days. I already know what the answer will be. But, I can still be Christ like, and serve others on my own terms.

Roy
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Re: Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Post by Roy » 26 Oct 2014, 11:07

Sheldon wrote:At 57,
Sheldon, you wear your age so well!
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

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cwald
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Re: Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Post by cwald » 26 Oct 2014, 11:25

DBMormon wrote:
I do, IF (big IF) we can find some way to keep it leaning positive. You can still talk about frustration and doubt, but is there any aspect that would build faith (how you have maintained friendships, family relationships, supported others still active)...
Probably not.

It would not be authentic.
  Jesus gave us the gospel, but Satan invented church. It takes serious evil to formalize faith into something tedious and then pile guilt on anyone who doesn't participate enthusiastically. - Robert Kirby

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Reflexzero
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Re: Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Post by Reflexzero » 28 Oct 2014, 15:37

Age 27 reactivated.
-WML
New Ward
-WML
-EQ 1st C
-EQP
Ward Boundry Change, New Bishop
-Ward Clerk Finances
-Side Calling Stake Auditor
-Bishopric 1st C
-High Council (burnout in full swing)
Ward Bishopric Change
-HPGL (Faith crisis initiated trying to understand burnout)
Move to new Ward (2011)
-HPG 2nd C
-Faith crisis in full swing
-Scoutmaster
-Out to wife
-Cub Leader and Primary Teacher
-Faith crisis over, now transition
-Out to Bishop
37 years old, released as primary teacher, retained as Cub Leader.

I just had my third meeting with my very nice Bishop. He wanted to see where I'm at, but after explaining my worldview he says there is nothing he can fix, but is wondering what callings I might be willing to take on after the scouting year is over. I didn't answer anything specific, and reiterated the need to be authentic. He seemed to understand.

I honestly don't feel I have anything to contribute spiritually, as I am on a different wavelength than the regular members would appreciate.

But I am ok with it.

Curt Sunshine
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Re: Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Post by Curt Sunshine » 29 Oct 2014, 08:52

God bless good, caring Bishops.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

afterall
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Re: Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Post by afterall » 30 Oct 2014, 11:39

This is an interesting topic. And a study, for me, in how we evolve. As a new convert, my very first calling offered to me was not one I would be there on two Sundays a month to fulfill due to my job scheduling. I knew nothing as a young new convert about how all this works in the church. I innocently asked if I could fulfill the calling on the two Sundays I was there (RS teacher). In my practical mind, I could see a simple swap with the other teacher since I knew there would be nothing simple about asking for the change around at my job! The Bishop shook his head and said no. I had no other calling, other than visiting teaching, offered to me in that ward. After a move to another state, callings were offered and accepted, as they worked well with my job schedule. Now, looking back at that first calling offer, I have to wonder if it wasn't a strategy to get me to think about becoming a stay at home mother (which was not an option). I say this because there were two men sitting in the area with me before I went into the bishop's office that I now realize were a counselor in the bishopric and ward clerk. They struck up a conversation in front of me regarding their wives working versus staying home and the first counselor very pointedly made statements about how his wife would never work, that was his job. I didn't like it, but I filed it away as men who needed to grow up.

Fast forward to many callings later. I was taught along the way that you do not say no to callings and even taught that in my leadership calling to other women. After close to a decade on the leadership treadmill, I was released. I was totally ready to say yes to the next calling as I walked into a room with a bishopric counselor. He extended a certain calling. As I opened my mouth to accept, a spiritual moment happened and I knew I was to say no. I was as shocked as the counselor when I said no. I realize many here have different thoughts about manifestations from the Spirit, but I cannot deny or explain away the ones I have had. The bishop was very angry with me over this situation. I had to sit and wait it out. I had another spiritual moment a few weeks later and "felt" inspiration of what the next calling was to be. I won't go into all the details about how that particular calling did come to pass. But that calling was one of the biggest blessings of all callings to our entire family.

Fast forward again. New ward, different bishops. Rolling along with the callings. Released from a leadership calling again due to not being able to fulfill the schedule the way the current president was demanding it be set up. Life has changed and applying for jobs that will seriously tie up the schedule on some days. A calling is offered that I know I probably will not be able to be present for due to the jobs I am applying for. I am honest with the Bishopric Counselor that I don't see the sense in accepting a calling that I most likely will not be able to be present for and if they could wait a few weeks, I will know exactly what my job schedule will be. I did not see it as fair to those I would be serving. He agrees with me. He was actually released within the next couple of weeks.

I felt a difference from that time forward from some people. Do i regret not just accepting either calling? No, I do not. As Ray has said several times, "they get me". My employment schedule has to work with my callings.

Going back to that calling where I felt an extreme prompting to say no. The bishop was angry as I shared why I said no. When we finally discussed it, he wanted me to just say "I" was saying no. He gave me an example of another person that had a very high profile calling that had said no one time. I had no objection to that calling. We came to see there was something else that was in the wings for our family with the other calling. I also believe to this day, there was no inspiration at all for that particular calling that I was prompted to say no to, especially since the bishop had given me a talk a few weeks earlier about the high council being a "back bench" for released bishops and what would be equivalent for a female in a higher profile calling.

I feel life requires more balancing than ever. I also feel life is short. Our kids grow up so fast. Serve where we can and how we can, but I think we need to be prayerful and thoughtful about the balance.

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Tacenda
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Re: Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Post by Tacenda » 09 Nov 2014, 08:40

Hi Bill,

I feel your pain and respect all you are doing to ease the pain of others through your Mormondiscussions podcasts to your words here. It's an honor to have known you through the discussion boards and podcasts you speak on. I'd say more but am on my phone, and having trouble typing my post.

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SilentDawning
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Re: Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Post by SilentDawning » 09 Nov 2014, 13:32

Sheldon wrote:I got over the "burnt out phase" by just saying NO!

At 57, and having been a bishop, a counselor twice, and EQP twice, I'm done doing the heavy lifting. I'll teach a class, but thats about it. I don't want to be in the HPG leadership, Nor YM (I turned down a Stake YM calling this year.). Once I've reached this point, and accepted it in my life, it is very liberating! When I get a call from the Stake Exc Sec, there is no dreading for days. I already know what the answer will be. But, I can still be Christ like, and serve others on my own terms.
I don't mind heavy lifting, but not in the church anymore....they don't seem to care about your personal growth. If you're lucky to get with a good leader, he might, but for the most part, I feel they need people to fill holes, and so they call on you.

I agree fully you can be Christlike by serving others on your own terms.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"Stage 5 is where you no longer believe the gospel as its literally or traditionally taught. Nonetheless, you find your own way to be active and at peace within it". -- SD

The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

My introduction: viewtopic.php?f=8&t=1576

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DBMormon
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Re: Burnt Out and how we handle the Church

Post by DBMormon » 10 Nov 2014, 10:44

Tacenda wrote:Hi Bill,

I feel your pain and respect all you are doing to ease the pain of others through your Mormondiscussions podcasts to your words here. It's an honor to have known you through the discussion boards and podcasts you speak on. I'd say more but am on my phone, and having trouble typing my post.
Thank you Tacenda!!!!

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