G's...

Public forum for those seeking support for their experience in the LDS Church.
ShipwreckLo
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Joined: 07 Jul 2014, 17:29

Re: G's...

Post by ShipwreckLo » 09 Sep 2014, 05:25

I'm not an expert on Vitamin D deficiency, but am I to understand that because of this you have to be covered when you go outside (despite that we manufacture vitamin D from sunlight)? If so, isn't that a case for wearing garments and not against?
The opposite. We get vitamin D from exposure to the sun on as much exposed skin as possible. Garments are preventing that, having to cover up all the time with 2-3 layers. Thus aiding and abetting the deficiency.

Apollonia
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Joined: 22 May 2011, 10:00

Re: G's...

Post by Apollonia » 09 Sep 2014, 07:14

Stepped out of lurkerdom just to give shipwrecklo a virtual hug.

I'm exactly like you but two years further down the road (convert, anxiety, can't stand Gs, biggest problem being TBM DH wanting me to wear them). Here's what happened to me:

Soon after we were married I realized I would probably never get used to wearing them 24/7. I did give it a good try for about a solid six months. During those six months I had numerous breakdowns, including days I'd refuse to leave the house, days when I wanted to die, days I wanted to leave either the church or DH. I prayed constantly about garments but all I got back from HF was that he really didn't care. I finally had a heart to heart with my husband and said I couldn't wear them all the time anymore. He was disappointed but said he'd get used to it. It took about a year for him to truly not be sad about it. He still doesn't get excited over me wearing cute undies, which is really depressing as far as feeling desire able to him.

I ended up talking over all of this with my previous bishop (so embarrassing, and so wrong that I'm supposed to think it's normal to talk about this sort of thing with another woman's husband behind closed doors) and he saw it fit to renew my TR. I'm up for another renewal and I'm hoping to let it lapse so I don't have to either lie or talk about my intimate issues with a couple of men. Too bad my DH really wants me to renew and the bishopric is on top on things and has been requesting I come in to renew.

I hope this helps in a small way to know that someone out there truly gets what you are saying. I know I felt so alone. I wish I could call you to say it will be okay and to vent. I get really sad every conference when there is no new revelation regarding garments.

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DarkJedi
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Re: G's...

Post by DarkJedi » 09 Sep 2014, 07:34

ShipwreckLo wrote:
I'm not an expert on Vitamin D deficiency, but am I to understand that because of this you have to be covered when you go outside (despite that we manufacture vitamin D from sunlight)? If so, isn't that a case for wearing garments and not against?
The opposite. We get vitamin D from exposure to the sun on as much exposed skin as possible. Garments are preventing that, having to cover up all the time with 2-3 layers. Thus aiding and abetting the deficiency.
I'm not an expert, but I'm not an idiot, either. Maybe I'm misunderstanding your statement about being diagnosed with the vitamin deficiency and having to cover up. It seems like you're saying you've been diagnosed with a vitamin D deficiency and have been told to cover up outside (which doesn't make sense to me, but that's what I'm understanding). If you're saying not wearing a tank top has caused your vitamin D deficiency, I know enough about it to know that that is not accurate. In actuality a short sleeve shirt exposing your arms and an exposed face for about 15 minutes a day is all you need, especially if your diet also includes vitamin D (mostly supplemented by fortified milk and milk products). There are, of course, also commercially available vitamin D supplements and there are supplements that can be prescribed by a medical professional. While vitamin D deficiency is more common than most people know, and most doctors don't routinely test for it, blaming it on wearing garments is a real stretch.

I get that you don't like garments, I get that your husband doesn't agree with you, I get that you have some OCD issues, and I get that you don't find them comfortable. As stated previously here, choosing when and how to wear the garment is a personal choice. If you don't want to wear them, don't, and deal with your husband. Nobody here can or should make that decision for you or run interference for you.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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Roy
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Location: Pacific Northwest

Re: G's...

Post by Roy » 09 Sep 2014, 10:16

I think I get and understand your point DJ.

Garments alone would not cause one to have a deficiency.

In the end I believe that the degree that garment wearing impacts their personal health should be determined by that individual and possibly with consultation with a medical professional.

ShipwreckLo - sometimes spouses over-react to these things because they believe them to be part of a slippery slope. Today it is garment wearing - tomorrow it may be binge drinking and swinger parties. Regardless of your decision, it might help to reassure your husband that you are 100% committed to him and your children and always will be.
"It is not so much the pain and suffering of life which crushes the individual as it is its meaninglessness and hopelessness." C. A. Elwood

“It is not the function of religion to answer all the questions about God’s moral government of the universe, but to give one courage, through faith, to go on in the face of questions he never finds the answer to in his present status.” TPC: Harold B. Lee 223

"I struggle now with establishing my faith that God may always be there, but may not always need to intervene" Heber13

ShipwreckLo
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Joined: 07 Jul 2014, 17:29

Re: G's...

Post by ShipwreckLo » 09 Sep 2014, 11:49

'm not an expert, but I'm not an idiot, either. Maybe I'm misunderstanding your statement about being diagnosed with the vitamin deficiency and having to cover up. It seems like you're saying you've been diagnosed with a vitamin D deficiency and have been told to cover up outside
I never called you an idiot or even implied it. To clarify, I was not told by my dr to cover up, I was told by the churchto cover up. My dr told me to uncover. And yes I'm aware of supplements and food sources. Thanks. I also didn't say garments alone caused the problem, but that they are a contributing factor.
If you don't want to wear them, don't, and deal with your husband. Nobody here can or should make that decision for you or run interference for you.
Wow. So I came to this site thinking that it was a forum and support to air and discuss any issues that we may be having with the church. I guess I was wrong. I will be leaving this site now, and be sure, it is because of you.
sometimes spouses over-react to these things because they believe them to be part of a slippery slope. Today it is garment wearing - tomorrow it may be binge drinking and swinger parties. Regardless of your decision, it might help to reassure your husband that you are 100% committed to him and your children and always will be.
Thank you for this comment. I think there is definitely something to that, I'll definitely give this some more thought.

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DarkJedi
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Re: G's...

Post by DarkJedi » 09 Sep 2014, 13:09

I'm not about to apologize, but don't leave because of me. You came here asking for opinions (air and discuss), and you got them. You must decide whether or not you agree with them and you must do what you think is right for you. "Support" does not necessarily mean agreeing with you. I support whatever you decide because it's your life - but there are consequences, and there are other choices. Were I your church leader and you desired my support in repentance, I would do so - but I wouldn't necessarily agree with or condone the sin being repented of. (Note: I am not saying failure to wear your garments is a sin, I'm saying the choice is up to you.)

If I was going to leave because I didn't agree with what someone said I would have left a long time ago. Likewise for the church itself.
In the absence of knowledge or faith there is always hope.

Once there was a gentile...who came before Hillel. He said "Convert me on the condition that you teach me the whole Torah while I stand on one foot." Hillel converted him, saying: That which is despicable to you, do not do to your fellow, this is the whole Torah, and the rest is commentary, go and learn it."

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Curt Sunshine
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Re: G's...

Post by Curt Sunshine » 09 Sep 2014, 15:28

Apollonia wrote a really good comment that I just approved (since it was her first comment). Please, ShipwreckLo, read it.

Dark Jedi is a great guy, but it's really hard sometimes to "get" intent and feeling in dry words on a screen. I know him well enough to know that he didn't mean any judgment or harshness in his comment. I think all he meant was that something like garments and spouses is SO personal and varies SO much that all we can do is offer general advice but how each person deals with this issue is completely up to the individual.

Also, he is 100% correct that "support" doesn't mean "approval" or "agreement" all the time. I think almost everyone here will support you in whatever you decide to do with respect to wearing the garment, but we disagree with each other all the time about lots of things. Above all else, we try to help while remaining honest - and, if you read some of the threads (about the Word of Wisdom, for example), you will see that sometimes we disagree with each other strongly. That's okay - and even good. We don't want to be the opposite echo chamber of the type of group think that causes problems for so many here at church.
I see through my glass, darkly - as I play my saxophone in harmony with the other instruments in God's orchestra. (h/t Elder Joseph Wirthlin)

Even if people view many things differently, the core Gospel principles (LOVE; belief in the unseen but hoped; self-reflective change; symbolic cleansing; striving to recognize the will of the divine; never giving up) are universal.

"For every complex problem there is an answer that is clear, simple, and wrong." H. L. Mencken

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hawkgrrrl
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Re: G's...

Post by hawkgrrrl » 09 Sep 2014, 15:54

Shipwrecked Lo: It sounds a lot like your husband isn't really listening to your concerns. Sorry for that.

Ann
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Joined: 09 Sep 2012, 02:17

Re: G's...

Post by Ann » 09 Sep 2014, 16:27

ShipwreckLo wrote:
Getting back to what drove my original post...My husband is the kind of guy who finds these psychological things to be almost imaginary, and questioning church teachings, whether they be the official standard or not, is a no-no in my home. I have no idea how to approach him, or if I should just stop wearing them except on sundays/temple days, and hope he doesn't ever say anything...that feels dishonest, but I'm not super confrontational.
I had an initial conversation with my husband. I could tell he was concerned because he didn't know what my not wearing garments meant. I assured him that it was pretty simple. I wear them now when I choose and won't be discussing it with anyone but him. I'm very grateful that he gives me breathing room on this. Good luck.
"Preachers err by trying to talk people into belief; better they reveal the radiance of their own discovery." - Joseph Campbell

"The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes." - Marcel Proust

"Therefore they said unto him, How were thine eyes opened? He answered and said unto them, A man that is called Jesus made clay, and anointed my eyes...." - John 9:10-11

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SilentDawning
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Re: G's...

Post by SilentDawning » 10 Sep 2014, 06:24

My answer to this question is to gently broach the subject a few times, easing it in over a period of time. Test the waters with your husband. Indicate how much you love the temple, but that you question why women wear them when they don't have the priesthood. A few days later, give some gentle "complaints" such as "i've been drinking water all day because I get so hot and sweaty in my garments". Wait a few more days -- gently turn it up so it's not a shock to him when you tell the truth. At first, he will likely make neutral comments, but over time, may get used to the idea that you and g's aren't the best of friends. When the time is right lay as much as you think your marriage/relationship can tolerate on the table. Gradually unveil your true feelings. If it looks like it's going to be a huge issue with your husband, you then have to do a cost-benefit analysis to see if the discomfort of g's is worth the damage to your relationship if you choose not to wear them, or bend the rules to the point you can't have a TR. If the costs are too great, tough it out or find an alternate strategy.

Simultaneously, elevate the extent to which you meet his own emotional needs in your marriage. I always recommend http://www.marriagebuilders.com where there is a list of 10 emotional needs men and women have -- admiration, sexual fulfilment, financial support, domestic support, family commitment -- etcetera. Determine which needs your husband has, and then elevate the way you meet those needs. This will also strengthen your marriage during your "easing in" of the garment discussion.

I believe that if you compensate for lack of churchiness by really meeting the other emotional needs your husband has, you'll be able to weather disagreement about g's better than if you just go blunt about it.

Hope that helps.
"It doesn't have to be about the Church (church) all the time!" -- SD

"The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe. No price is too high to pay for the privilege of owning yourself."

A man asked Jesus "do all roads lead to you?" Jesus responds,”most roads don’t lead anywhere, but I will travel any road to find you.” Adapted from The Shack, William Young

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